Posts

WOW 2009.... You shocked the heck out of me..

There was no way I saw this coming. I started 2009 with same level of frustration and discomfort as any of my prior years since acknowledging and accepting myself. Each year started without any reasonable expectation that better things would come to pass. I have since come to understand that as hopeless, that lacking of. Not hopeless as in unemployed, homeless, struggling with addiction issues and no direction. Although to some extent I had all of those. No, I just lack hope that there really was a solution to what ailed me. Many thoughts have been expressed about transsexualism and gender identity issues over the years. I am not going into them here except to say that I know exactly who I am, I just didn't know why. I was trying to use the "why" to explain to others my situation. This year has shown me that is not important. What is important is not what has happened to me over my life, yet how I respond to it. I was born exactly as I was supposed to, my sense of ge…

Trannier Than Thou?

I've been online sharing quality time with so many beautiful transladies, on and off since 2005. There's one thing that I have observed time and again, which seems to play a big factor for many of you. It seems like a lot of people in this community ascribe to some kind of trans-heirarchy, where it is deemed that those who are "more trans" are somehow better than those who are "less trans"... does this ring a bell for any of you?

It's like, full-time female is regarded higher than part-time female. Or the more surgeries, is some kind of merit badge compared to those who are non-op. Or the more passable transladies, are somehow better than the less passable... and I am sad to see that some of you even form little cliques around this notion. Some of you try to exclude others who don't live up to your standards of transness. Do you not realize you are all just varying degrees along the same spectrum?

I recently invited a few new members to Gende…

500 Channels

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With all the things I’ve come to believe about my existence and life manifestation I’m always wondering about nurture, nature and channeling past experiences especially towards my feminine expression.

There have been several studies on the propensities of 1st or 3rd sons being gay or gender variant (I’m a 3rd). I do know that after 2 boys my mother was hoping like crazy for a daughter. I can only imagine what all that mental energy might do to a gestating child.

After I was born I remember her using a feminized version of my middle name as a “pet name” (Willamina). I think that further indicates her desire for a daughter at that time. She did get that daughter on the next and fourth try and I was expected to be the little “man” after that.

When I was about 3 I also remember announcing to the whole family that “I wanted to be a girl named “Mary”. I was soundly shamed by my two older brothers and never spoke of it again though I did get caught about the same age after I looted the nei…

Is Gender Still Evolving?

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After having been extremely active in the online transgender community for a couple of years as the hostess and facilitator of http://www.genderevolve.com/ and genderevolve.blogspot.com , I decided to go offline for awhile to pursue my career. Words cannot express how much I missed you during this time, yet I had to stay very focused to accomplish some of my life goals.
Now that I have achieved a new level of balance in my daily life, I have decided to venture back online and see how you beautiful transladies have been making out this past while. I sense there have been changes in the t-community, there are a lot of new faces, and some very cool new websites too. Yet it seems not everything has changed and there is stability in our online community, as most of my friends are still online and all our favorite sites are still online. It it a welcome relief to find that there is always a place to come home to, no matter how far on different paths our journies take us, we can always retur…

Pardon me, may I have the last 30 minutes of my life?

I would like to thank OpenLetterstoKRXQ.wordpress.com for posting the podcast of The Rob, Arnie and Dawn show on KRXQ in Sacramento. I was reading all sorts of complaints about one of their shows in which Rob and Arnie were suggesting violence to children who express gender identity disorder and had not hear it myself. Thank you. Now,

Who do I see to get back the last 30 minutes of my life?

I listened to the segment, all 36 minutes of it and first of all. I need to say this. Rob and Arnie's positions on GID, while inaccurate, should not be construed as hate speech, nor should their right to express it be hindered. Their advocation that violence, or physical discipline is the solution is borderline criminal. Their intolerance for fellow host Dawn was atrocious, vile, disrespectful and adolescent. The radio station, its advertisers, and audience possess all the power necessary to regulate their comments.

I agree with very little of what was stated during that 36 minute discourse on con…

My Wife, Bob

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I often wonder sometimes how I would have reacted if the shoe was on the other foot - that being, that, if one night, my wife would have come to bed, got under the sheets and surprised me wearing Men's Briefs and genitalia to compliment them. Could I be ok with that, if it were me?


Lets take it a step further and add in Male hormones, a boy hair cut, facial hair and she would now like YOU to address her, as "him" - a "man" named Bob.


I have talked with hundreds of M2F cross dressers and transsexuals, and one of the things that I find that most (but not all) have overwhelmingly in common, is that they identify as heterosexual, or Trans-Lesbian. I wonder how any of these people (or anyone, for that matter) would feel if their wife came home and said, “I think I am man”.


If you’re Transgendered, try to imagine for one second that your not. Now imagine your beautiful wife that you fell in love with - and all her femininity that balances your masculinity, is now being …

Comprehensive NCTE & NGLTF TG Survey

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Comprehensive National Survey on Transgender Discrimination Launched by National Center for Transgender Equality and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

"This is an absolutely critical national effort. We urge all transgender and gender non-conforming people to take the survey to help guide us in making better laws and policies that will improve the quality of life for all transgender people. We need everyone's voice in this, everyone's participation." Mara Keisling, Executive Director, National Center for Transgender Equality
Respond to the survey online at ONLINE SURVEY


WASHINGTON, DC September 11, 2008 -- In the wake of one of the most violent years on record of assaults on transgender people, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (The Task Force) have teamed up on a comprehensive national survey to collect data on discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, public accommodation, health c…

Geographical Cure

I've been fixating on a geographical cure for my ailments lately. It's not so much that I expect a new locale to fix me, or make my life "unbroken". I really believe that doesn't work. I feel its time to just start living.

I spent way too much time doing the opposite. Which is to say, waiting to die. I started to realize around 5 or 6 that I was different from others and shortly thereafter I started feeling "less than". With no real solution to this dilemma, I found comfort in the friends I would keep. Typically the other Outsiders, Malcontents and "Island of Misfit Toys" inhabitants. This would be fine for those tree climbing, Evil Knievel bike jumping, and blowing up plastic Army guys days. However, more often it turned into the sneaking out at Midnight, breaking into the local elementary school and "toying with the county police", hanging out in the woods, drinking and smoking til 4-5am days.

I would not have classified myself an al…

Comprehending roots of animosity toward transgenderism: Building a bridge based on mutual understanding

Comprehending roots of animosity toward transgenderism: Building a bridge based on mutual understandingDear Sisters,I have long been curious about a segment of society that views the transgendered lifestyle with utter disdain. I have often wondered why we appear so threatening to some people and why they feel the need to impose their views on our community.In reading the Old Testament of the Bible at the suggestion of my former therapist, I came across the following quote from Deuteronomy 22:5 the New International Version: “A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.”In searching for interpretations of this passage, I have come across a number of eye-opening statements on the web that have shed light on the connections that some people make from transgenderism to: 1) mixing of the genders 2) buying into Satan’s plan 3) attracting males to perform sodomy, and 4) and to attracting boys to sodomites. …

Lessons Learned

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My reflection lied to you, you could not see or acknowledge my pain.

You failed to catch so many tears… Now I leave you behind, never to return.
… am I fool?

There is no replacing your losses and I can’t understand the reason I continue to try? A wounded dove, poised to fly - your tears fall silent, as if never shed at all.

I have learned nothing, except how to hurt you more… you weep...

“What is the lesson to learn”?


Whether it was to praise my photos, blogs, ideas or to set me straight when I got so full of myself, so many of you have helped me when I needed it, -AND- more importantly, when I didn’t think I needed.


Here are some of the biggest Lessons I have learned: I am not the Transgender Messiah (Thanks JamieGottaGun)I am not re-inventing the wheel. (Thanks Gloria Fenton)Transition is NOT “All about me”. (Thanks Karissa Marrie)Never make anyone a priority that has only made me an option. (inspiration of thought thanks to Joe Solmonese of HRC)Just because someone is Transgender, doe…

Every Choice Has Its Price

Erik Erickson, a famous developmental psychologist, revealed that adolescents must first develop a sense of identity before they can learn to be intimate with others. In his view, we must first know and love ourselves before we can love another. Carol Gilligan took a stance contrary to Erickson’s view in that traditional adolescent females learn to be intimate before they develop their self-identities. Regardless of which comes first, it seems that to be complete, people need to have both identity and intimacy. A transgendered person can potentially gain self-identity at the cost of intimacy or vice versa. We have become aware of the pain of the transwoman who has lost family, friends, and loved ones upon successful transition. We are also familiar with the despair of the person who, for whatever reason, is not able to express her feminine gender except in the deep recesses of her mind or in the safety of her closet. Both of these extreme decisions have their costs and their benefits.…

The Tell Tale Heart

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In our society today, it would be hard to find someone to argue the point that beauty will get you ahead in life. But does beauty quench your soul?

Reading Teri’s Blog and then engaging in a discussion in her comments section, reminded me of how I once mused out the window for days at a time, in deep thought about “all of this trans business”. The permanence of my thoughts brought me back to the same place each time: Creditability = Acceptance.

But this revelation was first misplaced - Like so many other TG people, I believed if I could pass, “LIFE WOULD BE WONDERFUL”! In the beginning this idea was reinforced, because I do in fact, pass for which I presented: A woman. I’m not a beauty queen, but I haven’t been mistaken for a disheveled gargoyle either.

With each person I “passed” with, my confidence soared, allowing me to ignore the stigmas of society and the laws of physics. Any thing in my mind was possible, because “I passed”.

What I miss understood, but eventually figured out, was th…

Comfort Spending & Fantasy Masturbating

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I am cleaning out my closet and spare rooms and re-organizing them. I have come across a lot of things that I want to donate to the Battered Women's Shelter here in Akron, Ohio. While cleaning, what struck me was not how much useless things I have accumulated over the past years, but WHY I acquired them in the first place. I thought about it all after noon and now I am writing my journal to confess that I was guilty of "Comfort Spending". In the beginning, my "activities" of expressing "Chloe" were limited to my bedroom mirror. I would spend a lot of time looking into it and not much of anything else. (My oath to truth in these blogs forces me to confess that I still spend to much time in the mirror - vane bitch.) I would experiment with different looks, dabble with make-up - you know, the usual things we do with our wives things when they are not home. Gawd how I loved these times... Things were so much simpler then. Before I understood myself; befor…

What's a GEM?

Dear Sisters,

I miss our conversations and thought I would initiate a discussion and
hoping that you would share your ideas.

I am still in the ongoing process of self-identification. I am also at
that age and point in life where I wonder if I will transition beyond
the modest steps I have taken thus far. I have not taken further steps
because to do so, would likely pose more of a cost than a benefit to
me and my loved ones. In an ideal world, I would choose to have a
female embodiment because I am so struck by feminine beauty and want
to possess those characteristics that I am attracted to. I will admit
that I am envious of beautiful women and transwomen.

On the other hand, I don't think I would be satisfied becoming an old
and unattractive woman and I do embrace my male side and am very
grateful for its contribution to my personal development. I am not
sure where these feelings leave me in terms of the gender continuum. I
am not sure I can say my essence is fully female or male but I have
many f…

Susan Stanton, the Hate Bandwagon and good ol' fashioned B.O.D.

I was recently made aware of an article from the St Petersburg Times written by Lane DeGregory. This article, addressing the preceding year in the life of Susan Stanton, the City of Largo FL's former city manager. Some will remember Ms Stanton being very publicly outed as transgendered and subsquently dismissed.

Well, this is where the firestorm took off. Fueled from the residual anger over the ENDA debacle, and I suspect a fair amount of fustration with the HRC, many transfolk proceded to attack Susan Stanton's position, as described by this article. What I found most troubling was not the instant call to express this disapproval. It was the lack of respect shown towards her by not hearing her side, in her own words.

Ms Stanton finally did reply to this article on her personal webpages by writing this statement.

I'm willing, after reading both items, to give the benefit of the doubt to Susan Stanton. In my opinion, the issue at hand is NOT what Susan thinks, it's her can…

Surround Yourself With Love

In our everyday life we are surrounded by a variety of people. Some of the people we deal with on a daily basis are a joy to be with, and their loving presence nurtures and encourages us. Others may have the opposite effect, draining us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted. Our well-being can be easily influenced by those around us, and if we can keep this in mind, we will have greater insights into the quality of our social interactions and their energetic effect on us.

Once we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something …

Demonstrating Respect

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Do you know someone Transgender? This is a tip guide I have made for parents, relatives, friends, professionals and supporters, that will help to assit you in demonstrating respect towards a Transgender individual.
No matter where you find your own personal level of understanding or comfort level of Transgender people, if you following these simple and basic principals, you can show respect and make the Transgender person in your life feel that you DO care, and are trying to understand them, which in turn can be the foundation for building and restoring bridges and lines of communication toward healing, harmony and love.
For professionals, learning to properly show respect and making sure other employees do as well, can mean the difference between a productive work environment, and losing ones own job - possibly being sued, too!
Remember that your actions and words about or toward someone Transgender, will set a tone as the example for others on how they should act – especially childre…