Sunday, November 22, 2009

WOW 2009.... You shocked the heck out of me..

There was no way I saw this coming. I started 2009 with same level of frustration and discomfort as any of my prior years since acknowledging and accepting myself. Each year started without any reasonable expectation that better things would come to pass. I have since come to understand that as hopeless, that lacking of. Not hopeless as in unemployed, homeless, struggling with addiction issues and no direction. Although to some extent I had all of those. No, I just lack hope that there really was a solution to what ailed me. Many thoughts have been expressed about transsexualism and gender identity issues over the years. I am not going into them here except to say that I know exactly who I am, I just didn't know why. I was trying to use the "why" to explain to others my situation. This year has shown me that is not important. What is important is not what has happened to me over my life, yet how I respond to it. I was born exactly as I was supposed to, my sense of gender is perfectly normal. My physicality is also normal, just incongruent to my gender. For me there was this constant low grade buzz, the sort of buzz a florescent lamp's ballast puts out when something is amiss. Over a long enough period of time, that noise become a default and is hardly noticed. No more. Last January I chose to take action in my life and to stop placing myself in the position of conflict. I'm okay with me, why should I continue to make myself into someone others are not in conflict with. The decision was made to switch locations with my Health Care providers. I had no idea at the time what a momentous decision that would be. The first positive result was I quit smoking. My original reason for quitting drinking was " I can't quit smoking if I'm still drinking'. Of course I had to quit drinking for other reasons; however the desire to quit smoking was there. The action was lacking. This time, my reasoning was simple; I can not start anti-androgens and estrogen until I do. The power of HRT reached out for inside the pill bottle! The second positive result was I started taking a testosterone blocker to allow my body to sync with my immutable gender. While I do not believe one's level of testosterone affects ongoing gender identity, it does affect gender confliction. I'm happy to say my testosterone levels aptly mirror my gender and that defective ballast has been replaced. The other effects are merely icing on the cake. My body has responded nicely to treatment and I am pleased. Yet nothing can compare to the sense of tranquility I feel with the oneness of my mind and body. Another surprising result is that I'm opening up to people in my life. No longer feeling stigmatized by this birth condition, I'm comfortable to let other know in a positive way. At the beginning of the year only two of my family members knew and near no one else in my personal life, save my transgender friends. Today its easier for me to recognize those who DON'T know with special importance on my remaining untold family members. My job today was simply a minimum wage position to stave off total unemployment in July. One Employee of the Month in August later, it has become a full time position with a master key and an alarm code to a large national retailer. I find myself today with less fear and hesitation than I had 12 short months ago. many new friends have been added along the way. Other friends and I have redefined our roles, some for the good, some for the better. Hope, that reasonable expectation that better things will come to pass has found my heart, my live and my journey. Share

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Trannier Than Thou?

I've been online sharing quality time with so many beautiful transladies, on and off since 2005. There's one thing that I have observed time and again, which seems to play a big factor for many of you. It seems like a lot of people in this community ascribe to some kind of trans-heirarchy, where it is deemed that those who are "more trans" are somehow better than those who are "less trans"... does this ring a bell for any of you?

It's like, full-time female is regarded higher than part-time female. Or the more surgeries, is some kind of merit badge compared to those who are non-op. Or the more passable transladies, are somehow better than the less passable... and I am sad to see that some of you even form little cliques around this notion. Some of you try to exclude others who don't live up to your standards of transness. Do you not realize you are all just varying degrees along the same spectrum?

I recently invited a few new members to GenderEvolve, and the first question I got from two of them, "well since I am only part-time, am I qualified to join?". I just want to make it clear to all of you, in my opinion, there is no "better than" or "less than" in this community. I don't regard a post-op transsexual woman as a higher form of human being than a part-time crossdresser. To me, you are all equal, you are all beautiful, it doesn't matter how you manifest your transness.

It seems that some of you are ashamed to admit that you value your male side as much as your female side. It's like you worry that we think your male self is unworthy or repugnant. I'll tell you, for my part, I love males just about as much as I love females. There is nothing more appealing to me than a person who embodies both male and female, and is comfortable with this equation. To me, that shows far more inner balance than someone who rejects one or the other side of themself. I was born female, yet I have a strong male spirit inside of me, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Embracing the two sides of me is what keeps me whole.

I'd love to see the ladies in this community drop the pretense, and come to embrace each other as equal sisters. To admit, you all have some male in you, no matter how far you try to run from it, or who you shun in the process, it is part of all of you, and it's ok.

I'd love to see this whole trans-heirarchy go by the wayside, and for you to recognize you have too much in common to ostrasize one another based on superficial factors.

What do you think, my beautiful sisters?

Much love,
Michele

Friday, June 19, 2009

500 Channels



With all the things I’ve come to believe about my existence and life manifestation I’m always wondering about nurture, nature and channeling past experiences especially towards my feminine expression.

There have been several studies on the propensities of 1st or 3rd sons being gay or gender variant (I’m a 3rd). I do know that after 2 boys my mother was hoping like crazy for a daughter. I can only imagine what all that mental energy might do to a gestating child.

After I was born I remember her using a feminized version of my middle name as a “pet name” (Willamina). I think that further indicates her desire for a daughter at that time. She did get that daughter on the next and fourth try and I was expected to be the little “man” after that.

When I was about 3 I also remember announcing to the whole family that “I wanted to be a girl named “Mary”. I was soundly shamed by my two older brothers and never spoke of it again though I did get caught about the same age after I looted the neighborhood mother’s panties from their garage laundry piles in our cul-de-sac. Imagine my mother’s embarrassment after she found them and took them around to ask who’s was who’s … I still giggle thinking about it.

Dressing was my “dirty laundry” starting from there. I then went to raiding my sister’s laundry hamper in the “lockable” bathroom at age 9 or so. Later, any girlfriend or wife’s wardrobes were open game - at least until I discovered I had much better taste than them and purchased my own. I have never “purged” but have Goodwilled the older stuff and have quite the large closet now.

After my split with my wife and connection with the TG community AND time to think and experience all this unhindered, I’ve come to understand more of myself at least and how it relates to my gender variance.

I find happiness and drive in “being appreciated” and being recognized for my talents. After years of unbalance and neglect of needs imagine the rush of suddenly being wanted and admired and having non-judgmental friends from this “new internet”. Was it my innate being coming forth to blossom? Was it a compensation for neglect and my imbalances? Was it my failure to excel in normal society and here was a place no one would dare criticize me? Am I channeling past lives and past experiences of things that I am still open to? Today I think it is a synergistic melding of all these things and more. (Funny enough my ex-wife had a “reading” done and the woman focused on our lost relationship telling her that her husband wasn’t sure if he wanted to be man or woman in this life – she hadn’t mentioned a word, spooky).

Here in San Francisco I have settled down to a life with a rainbow of friends and gender expressions. I no longer feel I have to put on women’s clothes to feel myself. I have people who regard me as a woman while I am in drab and most just regard me as a amalgam of all I am. The drive that I have to “change” or “get somewhere else” to be happier has subsided and thankfully as I never did find the right type of ruby slippers that fit my big ass feet, lol. The days of too many identities to channel and fumbling with the remote seem to be over and instead of asking why …. I more just try and “be”.

-Miranda Skye

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Is Gender Still Evolving?


After having been extremely active in the online transgender community for a couple of years as the hostess and facilitator of http://www.genderevolve.com/ and genderevolve.blogspot.com , I decided to go offline for awhile to pursue my career. Words cannot express how much I missed you during this time, yet I had to stay very focused to accomplish some of my life goals.

Now that I have achieved a new level of balance in my daily life, I have decided to venture back online and see how you beautiful transladies have been making out this past while. I sense there have been changes in the t-community, there are a lot of new faces, and some very cool new websites too. Yet it seems not everything has changed and there is stability in our online community, as most of my friends are still online and all our favorite sites are still online. It it a welcome relief to find that there is always a place to come home to, no matter how far on different paths our journies take us, we can always return to the source of our sisterhood.

One of the things that encouraged me to come back online was an email from my dear sister Jenna Elizabeth Taylor to the GenderEvolve contributors, entitled "Is Gender Still Evolving?". Her email sparked a flurry of activity and responses in our private Yahoo group forum, which made me delighted to realize there is still so much mutual interest and collaborative spirit among us. As such, I want to take this discussion public and pose the same question to all of our friends in the transgender community at large.

So I would like to ask all of you reading this post...
Is Gender Still Evolving?

By this I mean, take your pick of any or all of the following questions:

1) In the past few years, have you personally changed or evolved in your own transgender journey?

2) Has there been any changes in people around you in your family or friends regarding your gender identity?

3) Have there been any events or news that show gender evolution is still happening in society?

4) Do you recommend any new websites, people or groups that have been influential to the trans community over the past few years?

5) Or simply, how the heck have you been Girlfriend?? What's new?


Anyone reading this post is encouraged to respond and share any thoughts, stories, perspectives on this topic. Please don't be shy, we would love to hear from you.

Love & Light

Michèle Angélique
http://www.genderevolve.com/

Pardon me, may I have the last 30 minutes of my life?

I would like to thank OpenLetterstoKRXQ.wordpress.com for posting the podcast of The Rob, Arnie and Dawn show on KRXQ in Sacramento. I was reading all sorts of complaints about one of their shows in which Rob and Arnie were suggesting violence to children who express gender identity disorder and had not hear it myself. Thank you. Now,

Who do I see to get back the last 30 minutes of my life?

I listened to the segment, all 36 minutes of it and first of all. I need to say this. Rob and Arnie's positions on GID, while inaccurate, should not be construed as hate speech, nor should their right to express it be hindered. Their advocation that violence, or physical discipline is the solution is borderline criminal. Their intolerance for fellow host Dawn was atrocious, vile, disrespectful and adolescent. The radio station, its advertisers, and audience possess all the power necessary to regulate their comments.

I agree with very little of what was stated during that 36 minute discourse on contempt prior to investigation, yet some of it had merit. I wouldn't let either of those two men coach my children in sports, lead them in a Scout trip nor take them to a ball game with their children. It is a fact that some children act out for attention. However, for those of us who hid our gender identity, buried that innate sense of self inside of us, dealt with the struggle daily for 20, 30 or 40 years, its not a matter of attention. In fact we want no attention. Just the right to quietly live our lives, to earn a living and to be.

Is GID a mental disorder? Is it a hormonal imbalance during gestation which creates the mind to be incongruent with the body? Is it a condition created through nurture and not nature? All of these can be debated because there is yet no definitive study on what creates an individual's sense of gender and thereby their expression of it.

Yet one thing is not debatable. It exists. It's real, its overwhelming to many of us and its persistent. It doesn't go away after years of "manning up" for boys or "knowing your place" for girls.

The First Amendment gives Rob and Arnie the right to prove their ignorance. All 10 give me the right to exist.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My Wife, Bob

I often wonder sometimes how I would have reacted if the shoe was on the other foot - that being, that, if one night, my wife would have come to bed, got under the sheets and surprised me wearing Men's Briefs and genitalia to compliment them. Could I be ok with that, if it were me?


Lets take it a step further and add in Male hormones, a boy hair cut, facial hair and she would now like YOU to address her, as "him" - a "man" named Bob.


I have talked with hundreds of M2F cross dressers and transsexuals, and one of the things that I find that most (but not all) have overwhelmingly in common, is that they identify as heterosexual, or Trans-Lesbian. I wonder how any of these people (or anyone, for that matter) would feel if their wife came home and said, “I think I am man”.


If you’re Transgendered, try to imagine for one second that your not. Now imagine your beautiful wife that you fell in love with - and all her femininity that balances your masculinity, is now being offset by her’s. Think about your first company picnic, where you bring your wife and all your co-workers and even your boss is first exposed to your “spouse”, Bob. Could you deal with having to be forced to appear as a homosexual Gay man?


Better question: Could you perform sexually and stay committed emotionally to a man. I’m not talking about TG issues here. I am talking about if you were just an every day, run of the mill American Male, COULD YOU DO IT? Could you stay with a woman that transitioned fully, Post-Op into a Male? That is to say, that we presume she wants to stay with you, and not pursue a female to live or marry after she transitions. How would you feel when your wife, now a male, goes out and starts getting looked at or picked up by women - How would you feel about her/him taking lots of videos and photos and posting them all over the internet with you or your children in them? Can you imagine that? What if she/he spent all his time online talking to God knows who about God knows what.... while you are all alone in your room... would you question your self worth? How would all this effect your dignity?


These are the things we ask of our spouses when we begin to cross the gender divide.


Personally, I will admit, after thinking long and hard on this question, I could not. This is where I find myself to be weak and shallow. At the end of the day, when the truth be told, I fell in love with my wife FIRST because she was a complete babe! I got to know her over the course of time and even fall in love with her – But it was her Red hair and 36C Chest that caused me to run red lights!


I did not begin my marriage thinking I would transition – I accepted that both of us would get old and grey and I could accept her, no matter what – in sickness and in health; even if that included being overweight, or otherwise. However, it goes with out saying that NO ONE bargains or even fathoms that their spouse will change their gender. So when you think “in sickness and in health”, you never really allow yourself to think that may mean gender variance too.


Maybe its my heightened sense of femininity that makes me shutter that if I was still living as Ted, and my wife Rene wanted to be Bob, how HARD that would be on everyone – Myself included. Of course, living as a Female now, I would be perfectly ok with being married to a man, as that compliments my femininity... {dares to dream} *sigh*


I know this is a double standard – I KNOW I am a hypocrite. Still, it seems to me that being a lesbian in this world is more widely tolerated than being a homosexual male. People can deal with giving into femininity, especially when it’s a woman giving into it – but I have yet to see where anyone “other than Gay men” want to see 2 men kissing. There are no “Guys Gone Wild” videos of young sexy college Co-Ed’s kissing in the shower (At least not to my knowledge). Can you imagine that?... A woman going around with a camera to construction sites and sunny beaches asking men to lift up their shirts - or for that matter, TAKE A SHOWER? lol


My wife has admitted to me very candidly, that if our children were not in the scenario, she’d be gone. (yeah, it leaves a horrible feeling in my gut). But can you blame her? I used too… now… I am not so sure.


In the beginning I used to tell myself “I am the same person, what’s the big deal?” Well, it IS a big deal. Weather you’re a man or a woman, when people get married, their masculine or feminine persona is part of the exterior contract that goes with the vows – and it goes with out saying. A woman marries a man because they expect to live a heterosexual life and vice versa.


Of course I thought about these things LONG before I transitioned – but they just didn’t seem to click. That was, until I had a nightmare a few weeks back. In the Nightmare, I was again my Male heterosexual self, Ted. My wife and I were on our way to a meeting – the meeting was in a dim lit basement of someone’s home and everyone there was a man. After socializing for a few minutes, I realized my wife was nowhere to be found among all these men. I searched for what seemed like all night, asking everyone “have you seen my wife?” – They just laughed, looking puzzled… It wasn’t until the end of the night that I finally realized, the guy with the short red hair, was my Wife, Bob…


-Chloe

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Comprehensive NCTE & NGLTF TG Survey




Comprehensive National Survey on Transgender Discrimination Launched by National Center for Transgender Equality and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

"This is an absolutely critical national effort. We urge all transgender and gender non-conforming people to take the survey to help guide us in making better laws and policies that will improve the quality of life for all transgender people. We need everyone's voice in this, everyone's participation." Mara Keisling, Executive Director, National Center for Transgender Equality
Respond to the survey online at ONLINE SURVEY


WASHINGTON, DC September 11, 2008 -- In the wake of one of the most violent years on record of assaults on transgender people, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (The Task Force) have teamed up on a comprehensive national survey to collect data on discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, public accommodation, health care, education, family life and criminal justice. To date, in 2008, several young gender non-conforming people of color have been murdered, including California junior high school student Lawrence King, who was shot in public during the school day. King's murder, and the murders of Simmie Williams in South Carolina and Angie Zappata in Greeley, Colorado come in a year in which we are still working to include transgender provisions in a federal bill to protect lesbian, gay and bisexual workers from discrimination in employment. Hate crimes against transgender people suggest multiple points of vulnerability, which can compound each other: discrimination in employment may lead to unstable housing situations which in turn can leave transgender people at the mercy of public programs and public officials who may not respond respectfully or appropriately to them. These stressors add burdens in a health care system that is often unprepared for transgender people's needs. The list goes on. "We know that transgender people face discrimination on multiple fronts," said Mara Keisling, executive director of NCTE. "This data will help us sort out the combination of forces that leave transgender people vulnerable to unemployment, homelessness, and violence." Jaime Grant, director of the Task Force Policy Institute noted, "There is so little concrete data on the needs and risks associated with the widespread discrimination we see in the lives of the transgender people we know. This data will help point the way to an appropriate policy agenda to ensure that transgender people have a fair chance to contribute their talents in the workplace, in our educational systems and in our communities." NCTE and the Task Force have partnered with Pennsylvania State University's Center for the Study of Higher Education to collect and analyze the data. Applying rigorous academic standards to the investigation will strengthen any case made to legislators, policy makers, health care providers, and others whose decisions impact the lives of transgender people. A national team of experts in survey research and transgender issues developed the questionnaire, which can be completed on-line at
https://online.survey.psu.edu/endtransdiscrim
. Paper copies can also be downloaded from the NCTE and The Task Force websites soon. Keisling notes: "This is an absolutely critical national effort. We urge all transgender and gender non-conforming people to take the survey to help guide us in making better laws and policies that will improve the quality of life for all transgender people. We need everyone's voice in this, everyone's participation."
-30-
The National Center for Transgender Equality is a national social justice organization devoted to ending discrimination and violence against transgender people through education and advocacy on national issues of importance to transgender people. The National Center for Transgender Equality is a 501(c)3 organization. For more information, please visit www.nctequality.org.The mission of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is to build the grassroots power of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. We do this by training activists, equipping state and local organizations with the skills needed to organize broad-based campaigns to defeat anti-LGBT referenda and advance pro-LGBT legislation, and building the organizational capacity of our movement. Our Policy Institute, the movement's premier think tank, provides research and policy analysis to support the struggle for complete equality and to counter right-wing lies. As part of a broader social justice movement, we work to create a nation that respects the diversity of human expression and identity and creates opportunity for all. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., we also have offices in New York City, Los Angeles, Miami, Minneapolis and Cambridge.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Geographical Cure

I've been fixating on a geographical cure for my ailments lately. It's not so much that I expect a new locale to fix me, or make my life "unbroken". I really believe that doesn't work. I feel its time to just start living.

I spent way too much time doing the opposite. Which is to say, waiting to die. I started to realize around 5 or 6 that I was different from others and shortly thereafter I started feeling "less than". With no real solution to this dilemma, I found comfort in the friends I would keep. Typically the other Outsiders, Malcontents and "Island of Misfit Toys" inhabitants. This would be fine for those tree climbing, Evil Knievel bike jumping, and blowing up plastic Army guys days. However, more often it turned into the sneaking out at Midnight, breaking into the local elementary school and "toying with the county police", hanging out in the woods, drinking and smoking til 4-5am days.

I would not have classified myself an alcoholic at that time. Looking back on it, I was just a potential alcoholic.

Then life happened. I got older, not wiser, married and became a parent. Along came the job, the mortgage, the car payments and responsibility. By the time I reach the 11th Anniversary of my 29th birthday (please don't do the math) I was done. I was empty and broken. This time, I could safely say I was an Alcoholic. Not the high school/ post college days drinkers who have their first hangover and laugh " I'm such an alcoholic". No, this was the “I have no control over when and how much I drink" and” no matter how hard I try I can't stop drinking" admission. I'm a firm believer that the " phenomenon of craving" as described in my last statement is the manifestation of an allergy. An allergy that NEVER occurs in the average drinker. So, with that concession to myself, I sought a path of growth, spiritual growth. It so happened to coincide with my desires to live in my own skin. In the body I was born with.

I just wanted to be ME.

Up until then, I was this image, a persona I created. The actor who would please everyone around me. I was masculine, let polite, intelligent, yet tactful. I would work long hard hours, then relax and party even longer. People pleasing became an unwitting art form. I pursued it to the gates of Hell and beyond. This had to stop.

Today, I have found a solution to my problems which is based on a relationship with God, and a reliance, not defiance upon Him (Yes, Him, not Her. Pronouns are a man made convention. For me God transcends such man made notions. I use masculine pronouns in the same spirit as my faith. He is my Father. It also further illustrates, in human terms His power and strength.) This solution has allowed me to look at myself each and every day. I can take stock of who I am and the things I've done. I look for the underlying motives behind my actions (And are there!)

So this desire to pick up and move has taken hold of me in the last few weeks. The want and need to live my live in the truest sense of myself is motivating me to look for answers and solutions to pain and fears. My first reaction is ask myself "Am I trying to run, yet again from who I am?" "Am I fearful of how people will react to me, for the person I truly am?" and " Is this God's Will for me?"

I believe, given the chance, I'll run at the first opportunity. It's in my nature and has born fruit throughout my past. I never wished to bring unwarranted criticism or examination upon myself, lest I be judged by others for being different. And I certainly never sought what is God's Will for me. And what have I learn about myself in the last 3 years. 3 years spent seeking God and myself?

I know I'm a genuinely good person at heart. I make mistakes and always will. That, for me, is part of the human experience. I strive for selfless faith in my soul and in my actions. I ask for guidance to achieve that, so that I may be of maximum service to God and my fellows.

It is also a tenet of my faith that God created me, exactly the way I am. There was no mistake that happened on that day so many years ago. I've spent a lot of time building up a veneer around me to mask that creation of God. Do I have the courage to shed this facade?

The real question is "Do I have faith?"

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Comprehending roots of animosity toward transgenderism: Building a bridge based on mutual understanding

Comprehending roots of animosity toward transgenderism: Building a bridge based on mutual understanding

Dear Sisters,

I have long been curious about a segment of society that views the transgendered lifestyle with utter disdain. I have often wondered why we appear so threatening to some people and why they feel the need to impose their views on our community.

In reading the Old Testament of the Bible at the suggestion of my former therapist, I came across the following quote from Deuteronomy 22:5 the New International Version: “A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.”

In searching for interpretations of this passage, I have come across a number of eye-opening statements on the web that have shed light on the connections that some people make from transgenderism to: 1) mixing of the genders 2) buying into Satan’s plan 3) attracting males to perform sodomy, and 4) and to attracting boys to sodomites. Some of the quotes I have reviewed include:

“Even the European Union, the supreme democracy, has stated that pants are man dressing whilst gown and skirts is garment pertaining to women.”

“We would have never even considered this 20 years ago, but now we are eliminating the difference in the sexes that God made. In fact, I believe that it is all part of Satan's plan to further defile mankind by mixing the genders. But God is the God of order, not of confusion.”

“We should first see that there is a need to keep a clear distinction between the two genders (male and female). God made two sexes. There is no third category as people are suggesting nowadays (such as transsexuals). God has made no such category. God made male and female. He stopped there and so should we!”

“It is well known that men wear earrings to look attractive to other men. These are the effeminate. Cross gender clothing and styles, therefore, are prohibited because they foster sodomy. The two are connected.”

“We need to remember even though our boys are free from problems with homosexuality, if they are wearing an earring, a sodomite will single him out with a special eye…….. And certainly we do not want men attracted to our boys or our own selves (if we as men wear earrings).”

It appears that much of the disdain we perceive comes from fear of the transgendered lifestyle with roots stemming from interpretations of Old Testament Biblical citations. In short, people fear the effects of transgenderism in their lives because they believe that the Bible tells them it is against God’s plan and will be a corrupting force to society.

Is the aforementioned quote from Deuteronomy 22:5 to be taken literally, or more constructively considered within the context of the society in which it was written? Are there alternative interpretations to this verse that are not condemning to the transgendered community? Perhaps an understanding of the philosophical and cultural schism will allow the process of healing and acceptance to begin. I hope that through understanding the basis of this conflict, that the transgendered community can strive to form a bridge with this segment of society.

Felicia Conti

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Lessons Learned

My reflection lied to you, you could not see or acknowledge my pain.

You failed to catch so many tears… Now I leave you behind, never to return.
… am I fool?

There is no replacing your losses and I can’t understand the reason I continue to try? A wounded dove, poised to fly - your tears fall silent, as if never shed at all.

I have learned nothing, except how to hurt you more… you weep...

“What is the lesson to learn”?


Whether it was to praise my photos, blogs, ideas or to set me straight when I got so full of myself, so many of you have helped me when I needed it, -AND- more importantly, when I didn’t think I needed.


Here are some of the biggest Lessons I have learned:
  • I am not the Transgender Messiah (Thanks JamieGottaGun)
  • I am not re-inventing the wheel. (Thanks Gloria Fenton)
  • Transition is NOT “All about me”. (Thanks Karissa Marrie)
  • Never make anyone a priority that has only made me an option. (inspiration of thought thanks to Joe Solmonese of HRC)
  • Just because someone is Transgender, doesn’t mean they HAVE to like me. (Thanks Diane Frank)
  • We are all in this together, but on different paths with different goals and expectations. (Thanks Melissa Pink)
  • Jealousy is our community’s biggest enemy – I am no exception to this. (Observation)
  • I am part of a fabric bigger than myself – respect and represent that with dignity for all. (Thanks Cat Turner)
  • Second chances at a first impression can be changed. (Thanks Jessica Lee and Regan)
  • The measure of my gender is not in my reflection. (Thanks Leigh Smythe)
  • It is ok to error - it is unforgivable to not forgive. (Thanks Wendy Kahr)
  • Changing perceptions and expounding your mind is part of the process. (Thanks Kristin Reichman)
  • Enjoy the “early days” and experiment and just be you - revel in the photos later. (Thanks Marsha Clark)
  • There REALLY IS no “I” in team. (Thanks Debbie Dunkle)
  • All the Blogs and photos I post, with that and $1.50, I can get a bus ride to down town – remember your priorities. (Thanks Glenda)
  • Wait 24 hours before clicking the “Send” button. (Thank Melissa Sheridan)
  • Feelings have no gender, only truth to their existence, or not. (Thanks Adarabeth Veau)
  • Even though my wife doesn’t appear to have a husband, my children have a Daddy no matter what I look like or people say. (Thanks Laura-Natalie)
  • Being the first to say sorry, doesn’t mean your wrong – it makes you guilty of doing right. (Thanks Dawn Votro)
  • When I think “Why me?”, I should think “Why NOT me!” (Thanks Lacey Kelly)
  • Coordinate efforts! You don’t have to ALWAYS look your best every time you go somewhere – You can hurt people’s feelings and make them feel under dressed and or bad about themselves instead of having a good time with you. (Thanks Natalie and Sarah)
  • Express an opinion ONLY when asked – and then, be kind if you do. (Sorry Annie)
  • Support others efforts. The spotlight doesn’t always have to be about Chloe. {sigh}
  • I am free to define who I am –so too are others free to think what they will. (Thanks Monique Monet)
  • A size Large is always a Small. A size Small is only a demo for the manikin. (Observation)
  • Say what you feel, not what you mean. ((Observation of the heart)
  • Some of the greatest women I have ever known are physically men. (Observation)
  • You can never really fail; only delay your success. (Observation)
  • There is no substitute like the real thing (Thank you Marla for being such a great supporter of our community)
  • Anger is a cry for help… extending a handkerchief can build a bridge. (eh Jasmine?)
  • Words having no meaning with out the effort behind the pen. (You are still my Hero Barbara!)
  • You can’t transition on the Internet. (Unknown, but so true…)
  • Guitar Hero and Rock Band REALLY DO help pass the time. (Thanks Nicole and Glenda Paris)
  • Hobbies are important – except when you have made that hobby yourself. (Observation)
  • There really IS happiness on the other side... (Thanks Lori McNeal)
  • Angels walk and even fly among us if you are willing to see them. (Thanks Denny)
  • Family, Mom’s & Dad’s aren’t just the ones your born with. (Thanks Steve and Carol, Cheryl & John and Barbara & Ken)
  • Finally, “GET OVER YOURSELF”! Really! (Thanks to many on this one, especially too Melissa Sheridan, JamieGottaGun, Glenda, Marsha, Kelly McDonald, Teri, Lori_D and Karissa Marie.)

It astounds me how much my attitude has changed. When I began this journey, I had no idea why it started, what I wanted out of it and where it would lead me…

Yet, I can honestly say “why”, “what” & “where” this journey will lead me and is all about now.


It’s about growing up…

Transition has come to mean so much more than just physical completion; It has come to be about the final alignment that will catapult me into a new way of life and a new found level of confidence ... in short, my transition is about maturity…

…the rest is just window dressing.