Monday, January 23, 2006

Mystery of Transformation

The Butterfly Chrysalis ~ During the time that a caterpillar egg is an egg, it looks nothing like a caterpillar, and the butterfly seems a far cry from the larva that precedes it. Do caterpillars recognize butterflies as their future selves? Do butterflies identify caterpillars as past relations? The most mysterious phase of this shape-shifting creature's process is the chrysalis, the jade green cocoon in which the crawling, leaf-eating caterpillar transforms into a floating, nectar-drinking butterfly.

In our human lives, we sometimes find ourselves in the chrysalis state. During those times we don't have much to offer the outside world because, whether we realize it or not, much of our energy is consumed with an inner transition. We might feel sluggish or disinterested in the outside world. We might feel impatient with ourselves, wondering why we don't have the energy we used to for our usual routines. But if we remember the chrysalis-the dark, inner sanctum that provides the environment for a remarkable conversion-we can relax and let ourselves be, finding ways to support our process rather than cajoling ourselves out of it.

If you see a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the temptation may be to help it break out. But the physical challenge of this part of the process is necessary for the butterfly to build its strength so that it can survive outside the chrysalis. The same is true of us. Sometimes we have to labor on our own to discover the force we need to be our new selves in the world.

Similarly, when seeing friends or family members struggling, it's easy to become impatient and want to help with their emergence, but we have to learn to let others make their own way. Taking on the challenge of liberating ourselves directly enables us to thrive in our new freedom. Sometimes the greatest supports we can offer others and ourselves are patience and quiet confidence in the process unfolding, along with faith that the result will be extraordinary.

~ Reposted from

Friday, January 20, 2006

Are we working toward acceptance?

(by Shari Williams)

At the gentle urging of Michele, I am reposting a personal blog from a couple of weeks ago. I hope it generates some productive thoughts and honest feelings we can share.
Peace and love

Hi Everyone!
I have been rather slow in my blogs as of late. I guess that is because I sometimes feel like I am preaching, and that is not what I want to do! I recognize that being TG a very individual experience. How we feel, the reasons we do what we do, and even how we express our feelings are as different as we are from each other. But we all share one common thing, the need to express or incorporate the feminine side of who we are. That is the one thing that links all together.
We all go about expressing those feelings in very different ways. Also the way in which we share our feelings vary drastically. Some are able to be open and honest with the ones they love, some decide to keep it a life long secret, and many are in between. I am not here to decide, judge or to preach to anyone about their choices regarding opening up to others. That is a decision you made at some point and will continue to live with for the rest of your life. Everyone has their reasons for what they do, and they alone are responsible for those choices. I guess the only rule I would suggest following is that if your actions could hurt others then it may not be a good choice. If that is the case, please remember there are always alternatives and I urge you to explore them.
Acceptance. Everyone wants it, but are we really willing to work for it? We as a community will gain acceptance only through being “out” and letting the rest of the world get to know us. But being” out” is something that most TG individuals don't feel they can do. So we are stuck with finding a better way to further our cause. How about this one. If you are “out” to anyone, treat that person with respect and honesty. They deserve it, and in return they will do the same for you. We in the TG community have so few folks (relatively speaking) that are able to be “out” that we need to take advantage of the opportunity to put a positive image on TG individuals when we can. You can do your part as well. Are you out to anyone? A friend, GF, wife, family member, etc. If so, ensure you treat those people with respect and honesty about the TG issues you have decided to share with them. By doing this, you will advance the TG cause further and faster then with anything else you can do. Remember we are all in this together!
Shari Williams

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

On Golden Pondering

(By Miranda Skye)

I have thought a lot about the evolution and psychology of aging as a TG and how it affects me. Being so deep in denial and deep in the closet my whole life I had had no information of any kind about my options. I knew I wasn’t gay but I definitely knew I wasn’t normal.

I have never “binged and purged” my closet …. I just held the line so tightly that I refused to fall off. I kept to dangerous testosterone filled activities but as the years progressed it finally all came to a head.

The first time after a full make-over the feeling was so intoxicating I “knew” things would never be the same. But being a perfectionist has given me doubts about whether I am just “stuck” on perfecting my feminine persona or is my brain really “wired” as a woman. The thing I know for sure is that I am miserable if I don’t “self talk” my way each day into a Buddhist style of acceptance.

If I were ever to separate from my wife and young child (cannot imagine ever abandoning my young daughter) ….. the thought of just crossdressing occasionally and living off the “high” seems unacceptable to me. Maybe it’s part of my “control issues” but I abhor drugs and even being a slave to that adrenaline does not sit well. On the other hand I can totally imagine transitioning and becoming a woman but could never take the “drugs” involved, though I would love to have some hair removal and very minor plastic surgery someday.

These “control issues” of mine may just be another small part of the equation. Having recently lost my career, social position and all of my wealth including control of our household …. Is this just another overcompensation? It may be part of it. Controlling my body may be a solution to my lack of control much in the same as a young girl turns to anorexia. I feel it’s all very complicated and interconnected though I am guessing there is little that is unique about my situation.

Has anybody ever read Miss Fiorella’s essay on “So you want to be a T-girl”? I felt totally exhausted and beat up (it IS long) after reading it and somewhat depressed. It is bold in-your-face subjective honesty and somewhat shocking. Here’s the link:

Miss Fiorella TS Essay

I am fast losing interest in the internet and a “virtual” female existence. I almost never get to dress, my wife hates it and I stopped shaving my body almost a year ago just to make home life bearable. I suspect I am utterly out of balance and I tend to shore it up by remaining a friend and good listener to other girls and live vicariously through them.

Well .... I just started writing and this is what came out. It does feel good though just to get this down and published as convoluted as these thoughts may be.


Thursday, January 05, 2006

Balancing Male and Female Energies

(by Michele Angelique) The following article, "Balancing Male and Female Energies", is exerpted from, a popular New Age source. The message is delivered by Germane, a group consciousness energy, through clairvoyant Lyssa Royal. It provides a powerful framework for harmonization of our male and female selves through meditation and creative visualization. The approach presented applies to all gender orientations.

~ Offered in Sisterhood, Love & Light by Michele Angelique,

* * *
Balancing Male and Female Energies

Germane: All right, greetings to all of you. This is Germane. Pleasure to be with you today. Are you here? All right. Just making sure we went to the right dimension.

Now, you've read the subject for tonight - balancing the male and female energies. We're going to give you a little analogy to start off with. Imagine the batteries you have that run your tape recorders. One end is negative; one end is positive. Now, it doesn't mean that the negative end is bad or the positive end is good, but that they are opposite charges. Both charges are necessary to run the tape recorder.

This reality you live in is a polarized reality. It has charges just like that battery. There are many different ways to categorize those two charges, like yin and yang, but tonight we're going to talk about the masculine/feminine as the battery that fuels your universe.

Each of you, then, has masculine and feminine energy within you. Together those energies act like a battery. They are the fuel that allows you to be who you are in this dimension. We want to get you really familiar with these two charges and allow you to develop an intimate relationship with them. As you develop an intimate relationship with the masculine and the feminine within yourself, this allows for the ultimate balance, the ultimate integration of your energies in this dimensional reality.

So, even though it's uncharacteristic for us, we're going to begin with a meditation. The reason for this is that some of the things you discover in this meditation you might want to refer to during the session. So get yourselves comfortable.

Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Place the beautiful golden-white Light around your body. Feel yourself relax into that Light. We're going to do a brief chakra exercise.

* Place your attention at the base of your spine. Place there a beautiful ball of red energy. Allow that ball of red energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention about three inches below your navel. Place there a beautiful ball of orange energy. Allow that ball of energy to spin slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your solar plexus. Place there a beautiful ball of yellow energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your heart. Place there a beautiful ball of green energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your throat. Place there a beautiful ball of blue energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at your third eye between your brows. Place there a beautiful ball of indigo energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.

* Then, place your attention at the top of your head. Place there a beautiful ball of violet energy. Allow that ball of energy to begin spinning slowly.


Imagine that you are walking down a long hallway. At the end of the hallway is a closed door. Allow yourself to put your hand on the doorhandle. Open the door and walk inside. You are now in a large room. In the center of the room is a beautiful, large, ornate mirror. allow yourself to walk and stand in front of the mirror. The reflection looking back at you is the one you see every day. But now we're going to ask you to do an exercise with us.

Consciously change the reflection in the mirror to one of masculine energy. This means if you are female, see yourself as male. If you are male, see yourself as even more masculine than you feel you are in your daily life. Change this image into an image of masculinity down to the most minute detail possible. All the while remember, this is you - this is your masculine self. We will give you a moment to look at this image of yourself and begin to feel comfortable with it.

Now reach your hand into the mirror and take the hand of the masculine image in yours. Pull this masculine self out of the mirror so that he stands in front of you. Imagine that a beam of green energy connects your heart with his heart. Then take him into an embrace. As you embrace, feel that the boundaries between you are lessening. Feel the blending of your energies together. You blend so much that finally you stand simply embracing yourself.

Now turn and walk out of the room the way you came, back into the hallway and close the door. Next to that door is another door. Allow yourself to put your hand on the handle. Open that door and walk inside. In that room also stands a large, ornate mirror. Walk up to the mirror and stand looking at your usual reflection. Now, consciously begin to change that reflection into one of feminine energy. If you are female, make the reflection even more feminine. If you are male, make the reflection your female counterpart. Change the reflection to the smallest detail possible. We will give you a moment to become familiar with this feminine self.

Now, reach your hand into the mirror and take the hand of the feminine image. Pull the feminine image out from the mirror so that she stands in front of you. Imagine that there's a beam of green energy connecting both of you at the heart. Then take this feminine image into an embrace. As you embrace, feel that the boundaries between you are lessened. Finally there are no boundaries. You have become one, and you stand embracing yourself.

Allow yourself to walk out of the room the way you came. Close the door behind you. Feel your consciousness begin to come back to the room here. Feel your body here in the physical universe. When you feel ready, you may open your eyes.

-- These Archetypes Are Our Friends --

You've just been introduced to two friends who live within you. No matter what you do in your life, these friends will always be there. We can call these the male and female archetypes. In your own time, in your own contemplation, think about how easy it was to visualize the male or the female. Were there problems with either of them? Was one easier than the other? If you had one that was more difficult to visualize, perhaps that's one that you may want to work on at some point.

These male and female archetypes are like the battery that runs your tape recorder. They live within you. Now this doesn't mean that you're going to stay polarized within these archetypes forever. No. But when you truly befriend each archetype, casting light onto them so there are no shadows, it is then that integration can truly occur.

In our perception, this is one of the most important things in terms of growth, that all of you can be working on right now. Notice we said one of the most important things; because the male-female balance is also reflected in your planet. As you know, your planet has been polarized more toward the masculine for quite some time. Now, in this time, the feminine energy is rising within all of you but the planet does not know, from its masculine point of view, how to integrate that feminine energy. So that's why you're seeing a lot of different struggles in the family system in cultures all over your planet that are trying to break out of their old societal patterns.

-- Heal the Self First --

We've said so many times that when you want to heal the planet, the first thing to do is to begin healing the self. So if you want to balance the energy on the planet, balance your energy within. We have all sorts of exercises that can help you with this. Some of them are rather fun, but they require you to be a little playful and a little bit courageous. So, assuming that all of you want to be playful and all of you want to be you? [Yes.] All right. We're going to give you one to help you get in touch with the masculine/feminine within you in the physical universe, now that we've allowed you to touch them in the archetypal universe.

-- Play-act the Opposite Polarity --

If you are a female, one day when you have some errands to run, allow yourself to dress in the most masculine style possible. When you're walking down the street, pretend you're a man. Consider what a man would feel going to get a newspaper. What would a man feel going into a restaurant for lunch? Play-act and become a man; you can have a lot of fun with this. A very feminine woman who did the exercise said she felt powerful. After that she had, in her estimation, no problem in expressing her masculine side.

If you are a man, we're not going to tell you to wear a dress, so don't worry. If you're a man and you're going out to do some errands, dress in the most androgynous way possible so that you feel neither male nor female. When you're walking down the street, imagine that you are a woman. What would it feel like to be a woman getting the newspaper? What would it feel like to be a woman going into a restaurant? Again, this will require you to play-act, pretend. It's important that you allow yourself to have fun when you're doing this, because if you take it too seriously, you don't feel the energy as much.

Now, we're going to reverse it. If you are female, and you're going out to run some errands, dress yourself in the most feminine way possible, more so than you usually do. Accentuate your feminine energy. When you're doing your errands, feel that light, feminine energy more than you usually do. If you're male, dress yourself in the most masculine way possible - cowboy boots maybe,'d have to answer that question. When you walk down the street, feel really butch, really masculine. See what that brings up in you.

As you do these exercises, pay attention to what you have trouble with, what was easy for you. You may even want to keep a journal in order to document them. Just do it. Doing these exercises is like sticking your finger into an electric socket. We guarantee you that if you do them seriously and playfully, you're going to feel energetic changes. You're going to learn an awful lot about yourself.

-- Develop a Relationship --

One of the reasons we introduced you to your internal male and female archetypes is that we'd like you to develop an ongoing relationship with them. You know, children have imaginary friends; there's no reason why adults can't have them too, although they're not really imaginary. So, pretend that this male you saw in the mirror and this female you saw in the mirror are real people who live inside of you. The first thing we're going to ask you to do is to give them names. You can choose the name. It really doesn't matter, but make sure it is something you're comfortable with because you're going to want to refer to these people many times in the future, for they are real people inside of you.

Now, we're also going to ask you, if you want to do this, to begin carrying on imaginary dialogue with them. When you're standing and doing the dishes, think of Mary, your inner female and talk to her. Maybe you feel you're having trouble with your feminine energy, so ask Mary for advice. Ask Mary what she would do in a certain situation. Imagine her response. Do the same thing with your inner male. We'll call him Joe. When you haven't been assertive enough, ask Joe how to be assertive. Ask him for advice. If you develop really strong relationships with these inner archetypes, we absolutely guarantee you that you're going to begin to transform. The people who have worked with these exercises have had dramatic changes in the areas of their lives where they felt they were weak. So if you really want to accelerate your growth, try it out and see what happens.

-- The Time is Now --

In a sense, there's no more time for fooling around. Many of you who have been involved in the New Age movement for quite some time have been getting yourselves ready for the time when it was really going to count - when it was really going to matter. All through the 80's and even the early 90's, you've been getting ready. The time you've been getting ready for is now. When you actively take part in your growth, when you're ready to look at everything, including the shadows, you're going to accelerate very fast, and you're going to become the person you've always hoped you would become. The time is now. All of you who are alive now chose your incarnations so that you would be here now. This is because now is the time of transformation. Beginning in 1993, everything you do and say is going to count more than it ever has before. Now we don't want to sound so serious. Have some fun with it too.

-- You Are Filled With the Energies of Transformation --

When we look at your energy fields, we see butterflies just ready to come out of the cocoon. We sense a tremendous amount of energy locked within each of you; not that you're blocking it, but that tremendous energy inside is the energy of transformation. You may not notice in your daily life that you're transforming, and you may not believe us when we tell you that you are, but you are. Transformation is a relative thing. Often you cannot see where you've been and where you're going. But in this room, there's much energy for transformation. All of you are at a turning point. This is the point of power. Use it wisely. Use it joyfully. Even if you are afraid of your transformations, do not allow your fear to keep you immobile, for the most important thing you can do is act, rather than staying still. So, that is our discourse for tonight.

* * * Germane Through Lyssa Royal:
Germane, a group consciousness energy, states that "his" orientation is from a realm of integration that does not have a clear-cut density/dimensional level. The term "germane" in the English language means "significant relevance" or "coming from the same source". Germane therefore chose this term to somewhat personify his energy. Neither male nor female, he views us as evolving to become him as we begin the process of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual integration, which leads us back to the Source of All.
* * *

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

An interesting revelation.

(by Shari Williams)
As you may have guessed by now, I tend to jump into new adventures with both feet, and GenderEvolve is no exception. I had a very interesting experience the other day that at first seemed frustrating but later made me feel very special and blessed.
I was out finishing up some Christmas shopping a couple weeks ago. For once I really felt good about how I looked and was very pleased with my overall appearance as I walked out the door of my home. Sadly it was not destined to last. After hitting a few of the local stores I walked into Kohls’s to look for some costume jewelry for my wife. After walking around for a few minutes I was taken aback. I noticed (as I tend to do) 8-10 beautiful middle aged women shopping throughout the store. The all looked fabulous, very beautiful, but very stylish without looking like they were even trying, just their natural beauty shining through. In short order I began to feel not quite up to par. I finished my shopping and during my drive home I became kinda down about not measuring up so to speak.
Once I got home and put some more thought into what I had experienced I had an epiphany. I realized that what I was actually feeling was not insecurity about being TG as I had first thought (I typically am not very self conscious as Shari), but instead I was experiencing a very common feeling among many GG’s. After speaking with my wife that evening she confirmed it. She laughed and said, “I am glad you get to see my side of the coin as well”. She explained to me the feelings I felt are often a very common feelings among many women. So I went from feeling down about not being pretty enough to feeling joyous. Does being TG provide some serious mood swings or what …LOL? The experience allowed me yet another wonderful glimpse into the feelings and circumstances surrounding the feminine lifestyle. For that little glimpse I am grateful, and as always it has left me wanting a bit more. As with all new experiences, this one has become a part of who I am. Let’s see if I can make it pay off …….
Love and peace
Shari Williams

Monday, January 02, 2006


(by Shari Williams)
I am new here, and I hope my first post is not too “deep”. It is about honesty. All of the following thoughts come from personal experience and are only my personal views on TG life.
Honesty is the cornerstone of any good relationship. I am sure most of us first think of relationships with our loved ones. Honesty is a necessary and vital ingredient to any relationship with a loved one. But how about honesty with ourselves? In the never ending search to understand and live with my TG feelings, my wife has been adamant about me understanding and being honest with myself (as well as her) about what my TG feelings mean to me and how they interact with my life. I have come to the following conclusion.
By being totally honest with myself about the nature and extent of my TG feelings, I have been able to be equally honest with others. This self honesty and by default honesty with others has had a most positive and welcome side effect………understanding. Luckily the people in my life have embraced my honesty and have become more understanding then I could have ever hoped for a few years ago. True, some are not, but that is to be expected as well. My pet project in life is to promote understanding for TG individuals. I have found that being honest with yourself, the ones you love and your friends you are “out” to is the best way to receive that understanding and acceptance. It also goes for the general public. If you can walk with your head held high and confident in whom you are (i.e. being honest with yourself and having self acceptance) others will more readily accept you. Thanks for listening my new friends
Shari Williams