(by Shari Williams)
I am new here, and I hope my first post is not too “deep”. It is about honesty. All of the following thoughts come from personal experience and are only my personal views on TG life.
Honesty is the cornerstone of any good relationship. I am sure most of us first think of relationships with our loved ones. Honesty is a necessary and vital ingredient to any relationship with a loved one. But how about honesty with ourselves? In the never ending search to understand and live with my TG feelings, my wife has been adamant about me understanding and being honest with myself (as well as her) about what my TG feelings mean to me and how they interact with my life. I have come to the following conclusion.
By being totally honest with myself about the nature and extent of my TG feelings, I have been able to be equally honest with others. This self honesty and by default honesty with others has had a most positive and welcome side effect………understanding. Luckily the people in my life have embraced my honesty and have become more understanding then I could have ever hoped for a few years ago. True, some are not, but that is to be expected as well. My pet project in life is to promote understanding for TG individuals. I have found that being honest with yourself, the ones you love and your friends you are “out” to is the best way to receive that understanding and acceptance. It also goes for the general public. If you can walk with your head held high and confident in whom you are (i.e. being honest with yourself and having self acceptance) others will more readily accept you. Thanks for listening my new friends
Shari Williams


Anonymous said…

I fully agree with what you say. I have spent way too much of my life not being honest with myself. It has only been within the last year or so that I have finally started to embrace the feminine part of who I am and while I am not fully there I am starting to feel happier and more comfortable with myself. Prior to this I had a great deal of internal anger that I could never really figure out. Now it is making a sense to me.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

Shari darling,

We are so pleased to have you join as a Contributor on GenderEvolve! Thank you for posting this inspiring article entitled "Honesty".

You make a very important point, to which every self-admitted transgendered person can relate. In order to acknowledge and realize one's transgendered state, a certain level of self-honesty is required. All of our TG sisters have already crossed this bridge, a step which took tremendous courage. Yet, this is only the first step.

Next comes honesty about one's own feelings, behaviors, needs and dreams. Self-Realization occurs because of honesty and fulfillment comes from action based on honesty. In order to fully embrace oneself, it is necessary to honestly look at everything, including the dark. Every person has strengths and weaknesses, talents and failings, hope and despair. It requires honesty to admit the full spectrum of reality to oneself. Avoidance of truth due to inner fear will only make the dark grow stronger. Rather than working desperately to avoid the dark, use honesty to help shed light on those areas.

Honesty with other people is critical for so many reasons. I would venture that perhaps no other single factor will determine success or failure in human relations. Honesty is the key element of trust. To be dishonest violates trust, and any relationship will begin to break down without trust. Our word is our bond. Without our word, we have nothing. Whatever we say, let it always be true.

Further to this topic of honesty, I am appending an email written just today by Lacey Leigh (www.laceyleigh.com) which applies so perfectly to our conversation. The "Michelle" she is referring to was not me, by the way... just an interesting coincidence.

Again thank you so much Shari for initiating this discussion on the value of honesty. What a beautiful way to begin your GenderEvolve journey with us!

Much love,

--- In TheSuccessfulCrossdresser@yahoogroups.com, "Michelle N Mara" wrote:

> You pass, you have them fooled, and then you go and ruin *it* after
> you had *it* by telling them,......... why?
> All I could think of was...."but, I'm not *trying to fool them*, I'm
> just trying to be a woman, because I see myself that way, and feel
> that way".
> Again she said, "but why tell them"? I couldn't answer her.
> Lacey....anyone......is there an answer? I see what she is saying
> about it being a harmless deception, or not really a deception in a
> case like this. But.......is there an answer?


They expect you to stay 'cloaked' because that's what they've been led to believe we should do. When you're 'supposed' to feel ashamed of who you are, you're expected to keep a low profile. They are still in the binary gender - either/or - mindset. If you're out of sight, they don't have to think about it. Your example illustrates otherwise. By being upfront about it, you're shifting the perception and being the change you wish to see.

Why? Because it's honest.

As you can see, the reaction to your honesty is sometimes curiosity, surprise, and confusion. But your cards are on the table and no one will get angry because they feel misled or fooled or deceived.

Why? Because it's making a difference.

There are now several additional people who have encountered an upbeat, unapologetic transgendered person - an image that will surely replace the dysfunctional model they've been led to believe. This is a good thing.

Why? Because it's personally empowering.

Because we are *not* women - but males with an abundance of 'feminine' aspects of personality. Learning to express and explore these facets of character help us grow. But not if we are in a sheltered, 'pretend' mode. It serves us well to accept who we are, in reality - as opposed to fantasy - and then to celebrate all of it.

It seems as if you're doing fine, Michelle.

Wishing you success,

Lacey Leigh
Author of "7 Secrets of Successful Crossdressers"
Anonymous said…
Hi Shari,

Thank you so very much for your comments on the important issue of honesty with others and with ourselves. It is so often the case that fear of rejection and the natural desire to conform to the expectations of others causes many of us to repress our femininity to the point of even refusing to recognize our feminine feelings. As we begin to realize within ourselves how wonderful these feelings are and to accept and cherish them, we can and should set our fears aside and gradually, naturally, expand the process, the wonderful day-to-day reality, of nurturing and expressing our feminine natures. We can do this in so many ways that are not confrontational but rather inspire acceptance and love.

I am sure that I have had to deal with many of the same doubts and issues that you have struggled with. Because I work at home, and am married to a fabulously strong and loving woman, I have been and am fortunate to be in a position to express and develop my femininity in all the thousand details of my activities as a homemaker and caregiver. Attending to shopping and laundry and all the details of keeping a lovely home, baking and preparing nice meals are all activities that enhance my nurturing personality and bring me a spirit of peaceful contentment. With caring for those around us comes caring and nurturing for ourselves as well, which we can express in being aware of and attending to our own health and beauty needs, be it the exercise that we may want to follow to keep our figures trim or taking the time to follow our skin care regimes or to experiment with makeup and to explore fashion.

You are blessed to have found Genderevolve. It will be a wonderful source of sharing and support for you as you continue to explore and deepen your commitment to the marvelous rewards of femininity. As men aspiring to cultivating and deepening our own femininity, we have to give up the illusory authority that we so often cling to. And, although masculine authority repeatedly has proven to be contrary to our natures, this can be hard to do. because we are often afraid of becoming vulnerable. Isn't this what honesty exposes us to? But I am finding more and more and more that with vulnerability comes the precious rewards of a beautifully open heart and becoming a richly feminine being who both gives and inspires love and support and confirmation, all of which you will find among your sisters at Genderevolve, and I think more and more among women in general.

Let beauty and softness and nurturance and grace and emotion be among our treasures and our strength within each other.

Warmly and with love,
Laurianna Payot
Love & Light

I am not yet a member of Genderevolve
but I am aspiring soon to join with you
and am deeply grateful to Michele
and all the lovely women there.

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