Wednesday, January 04, 2006

An interesting revelation.

(by Shari Williams)
As you may have guessed by now, I tend to jump into new adventures with both feet, and GenderEvolve is no exception. I had a very interesting experience the other day that at first seemed frustrating but later made me feel very special and blessed.
I was out finishing up some Christmas shopping a couple weeks ago. For once I really felt good about how I looked and was very pleased with my overall appearance as I walked out the door of my home. Sadly it was not destined to last. After hitting a few of the local stores I walked into Kohls’s to look for some costume jewelry for my wife. After walking around for a few minutes I was taken aback. I noticed (as I tend to do) 8-10 beautiful middle aged women shopping throughout the store. The all looked fabulous, very beautiful, but very stylish without looking like they were even trying, just their natural beauty shining through. In short order I began to feel not quite up to par. I finished my shopping and during my drive home I became kinda down about not measuring up so to speak.
Once I got home and put some more thought into what I had experienced I had an epiphany. I realized that what I was actually feeling was not insecurity about being TG as I had first thought (I typically am not very self conscious as Shari), but instead I was experiencing a very common feeling among many GG’s. After speaking with my wife that evening she confirmed it. She laughed and said, “I am glad you get to see my side of the coin as well”. She explained to me the feelings I felt are often a very common feelings among many women. So I went from feeling down about not being pretty enough to feeling joyous. Does being TG provide some serious mood swings or what …LOL? The experience allowed me yet another wonderful glimpse into the feelings and circumstances surrounding the feminine lifestyle. For that little glimpse I am grateful, and as always it has left me wanting a bit more. As with all new experiences, this one has become a part of who I am. Let’s see if I can make it pay off …….
Love and peace
Shari Williams

7 comments:

Adarabeth Veau said...

I am sure, Shari, that this new experience for you can 'pay' off on your journey... indeed I can relate to your story...it was a touching glimpse at some very subtle aspects of what women can go thru in their day, and something that rarely ever occurs in a masc world...

Thank you for sharing... you made me smile as i walked this step along your path with you... it was neat to experience it and touching as a revelation...

And as i go on my journey, after learning what it is like to run with a bit more in the upper area... I can really really appreciate why many of the girls I went to school with loathed those dreaded runs around the gym...

Boy can I appreciate it...

adarabeth

Alexis Rene said...

Shari,

Thank you so much for this writing as I go through the same phases daily! Almost as if I entered the amusement park for free and escorted to the roller coaster section. The ups and downs of all things emotionally related to the gender realms of my existence...

I have oft thought, Much as you just wrote if I was questioning "my transgendered nature" or if I could "fit in" down the road. Usually both of those feelings get tangled and hard to separate as they both can be negatives compounded if ya let them wear you.

One of the things that puts me back on track and for the better are my friends and they haven't a clue that they helped out for the day. Much like your wife did for you in a sense.

Just like today I made a quick stop by a store for some things for First Event and found nothing and it was just a so-so kind of day previous to the shopping trip. Kind of dreary and cloudy and much like you, I saw a few gg's that were just so cute and could wear anything in the store and here I am finding nothing.

I am sure this is just a distanced perception thing as it seems to be human nature to desire most what we feel like we may not reach. The grass is greener across the fence scenario works well here.

Anyway I was driving home and just sorta down ...Nothing major, But just not the perkiness we all seek daily...As soon as I walked in my door at home the phone was ringing and it was a best friend(TG) calling to tell me about their day and a major accomplishment they finally conquered today!

I am still so ecstatic for them and it also reinstills my faith as to who I am and the fact they would even think of me to share in their joy. I feel truly blessed for this and blessed for where I am in my life as I wouldn't trade any of the roller coaster trips for anything! :)

Michele Angelique said...

Re: An interesting revelation.

Darlings,

This insecurity that you feel when in the presence of a beautiful woman is common to females. However, it is a common *weakness* among the feminine gender, not one to be emulated, but rather something to overcome. The dark energies of jelousy and malice stem from insecurity, and it is the poison tears womankind apart.

If not for this weakness among women, we could have solidarity, unity, of the feminine gender. Imagine the power! If women could only let go of this self-destructive attribute called insecurity... for goodness sake, transwomen, do not fall into this trap!

You feel jelous in the presence of beautiful women, to whom you believe this beauty "comes so easily". Consider this my friends... these women have been developing their femininity all their lives. It's *not* just so easy, it takes years and years practice... and the real artform comes in appearing to be "not even trying". When you see women who seem to have femininity so easily, remember that they have been working at honing their feminine grace to look like their "not even trying" since they were a toddler. It is not uncommon for a feminine woman to devote 2-3 hours per day, every day of her teen and adult life, to mastering this "not even trying" style and grace.

Presuming you as transwomen have not been at it quite so long or so consistently, why compare yourself to them? They may have the equivalent to a Ph.D. in femininity, while you are still working on high school or undergrad studies.

Instead of feeling insecure, jelous, or unworthy, rather look at these women as a source of inspiration. Study them, and learn. Accelerate your own understanding of femininity by seeking to replicate them.

Trust me, that "not even trying" femininity takes a lot of practice.

With much love,
Michele Angelique

Laurianna Payot said...

Sweet Friends at Genderevolve,

I can write only for myself, but I do believe that many if not all of us are deeply moved by the truth of Michele's "interesting revelation," and, perhaps, like myself, feel deeply inspired and confirmed in our adoration and emulation of those women who exemplify femininity, who have layered beauty upon beauty within their spirits and their responses to life and reflect outwardly a wondrous beauty composed of so many thousands of details and nuances and harmonies.

So much of this feminine layering and celebration of beauty, so many of us have integrated into our beings. So many of us are just beginning to do this. All of us can be positively inspired by the examples of the deeply accomplished feminine beings to whom we offer from our hearts our deepest respect and profoundly grateful homage--NOT our resentful and jealous insecurities--for the years upon years of devoted study and practice by which these gorgeous women have attained the summits of their glorious and exemplary femininity.

What is truly a wonderful revelation to me is that so many of these marvelous women are ready to acknowledge our adoration and to accept our own apprenticeships to beauty. I experienced this just today, at a lovely beauty salon to which I went for a feminine styling and coloring of my lengthening hair-- It turned out beautifully!--one element among the many thousands of elements which will bring me so much gratification as I reach upward to the attainment of my own feminine beauty.

The warmth of Gina (my hairdresser) and the awe-inspiring elegance and beauty (and warmth) of Sabina the receptionist made this a very special occasion for me. And, I think, what made this special for them for them was the respect and love that they felt arising from me toward them. They surely returned this light to me in their enthusiasm to help me along in my own quest.

The moral of this story is: Let women know, from the complicity and warmth of your own smile and eyes, the honest sincerity of your adoration of them, Share with women how much and in what details you wish to follow where they have led, how grateful you are to learn from them, how desirous of the rich satisfactions of emulating them.

One o the best places for all of this is a carefully chosen local salon. Enjoy a salon / spa experience as often as you can. These can be our temples of love and light. The kind and experienced women that staff so many of these temples can be among our best friends and guides, though no one can ever rival dearest Michele who calls us through the gates into paradise.

Wishing all of my sisters at Genderevolve
All the Divine Loveliness of Our Feminine World,
Laurianna
Love and Light

I do hope my style here does not interfere with my message. As thrilled and joyed as I am, I do not want the bright lamp of my love to blind me and cause those around me to turn away or miss his brilliant and beautiful film at the cinema.
Croire en beaute ..
De l'emotion avant toute chose.

Shari Williams said...

Hey Michele!
What a great way to look at this issue! I sure hope no one thought I was complaining, or felt less than happy with myself. I was merely trying to state the obvious. For me it was not jealousy, but realizing that I have so far to go as well as a lot to learn to attain what they appear to do with little or no effort. The outcome of my "revelation" was for ma a delight in the fact that I will redouble my efforts to make looking so naturally feminine a natural thing for me. I hope that clarifies it somewhat! Gosh you all are great!
Peace and love
Shari

Felicia Conti said...

This is an incredible blog and I am very appreciative that Shari opened up this discussion and liked hearing what Alexis, Adarabeth, and Laurianna had to say on the subject.

I was completely blown over by the gem of an insight that Michele shared with us that it is not really in our best interests to dwell on the insecurities of trying to compete with genetic women as they have spent their whole lives honing their feminine skills. Once we stop thinking about how we don't measure up to genetic women, we can begin to truely observe and try to emulate their feminity. This is an excellent reminder to me to stop with the comparisons and continue to live and learn. By the way, I am only in Kindergarten. :)

Love.

Felicia Conti

Laurianna Payot said...

Hi Shari,

Michele's revelation thrilled me too, because it so perfectly affirmed what I feel so deeply in my heart. Heaven knows, I have so far to go, but I am loving each little step of the way to the realization of my own femininity. I so very much agree that Michele has given all of us a wonderful way to look at our journeys. All the lovely women of the world, "natural born" and accomplished transgendered, are our models and our guides. Our emulation of these splendidly feminine beings is just one form of the homage that we so warmly feel towards them.. I think you say it so well, Shari, to paraphrase you, let us all take more and more delight in redoubling our own efforts to make looking and feeling so naturally feminine so natural for all of us. It is blessedly and wondrously natural, and, I think, it starts with how we feel within ourselves: soft, delicate, sensitive, joyful, loving, empathetic, responsive, nurturing, in love with beauty, and filled with love and light. For myself, as Felicia (who I think is probably just beginning junior high schoo) said: I am still in kindergarten.

Hugs and much love,
Laurianna
Love and Light