Saturday, June 25, 2005

What do Genetic Women really think about us?

(by Dee Femina)

So what do Genetic Women really think about us, and I'm actually mainly thinking about "What do they think about crossdressers?".

I think most women would be totally comfortable with our transgenderism. It's our outward physical manifestation of our t-girlness...the crossdressing aspect, that my question is about.

This is something that I've been pondering for some time. And I ask it for the simple reason that I have this burning need to be accepted, welcomed, admired and yes...dare I say it...desired by genetic women. That all happens in my male guise, but do they feel the same way about me as a crossdresser? I'm not sure. In fact, I think they don't. As much as I want to imagine and fantasize that GW's would welcome, accept and admire me, I actually don't think they do.

Why do I think that?
Well, it's due to womens' reactions to me that I've noticed over recent weeks. I've started going out dressed en femme to "normal" places over recent weeks.

And what I've seen is that it's women who immediately notice me and who recognise me as a crossdresser. The men, excluding the few tranny-chaser admirers, don't take much notice of me and, I'm sure, don't realize that I'm a crossdresser. The women on the other hand immediately, and I mean immediately, recognize me and then start whispering amongst themselves, looking at me and pointing me out to each other and to their male companions.

This doesn't bother or worry me...the being recognized and "outed" bit. I know and accept and am comfortable with being a genetic male t-girl crossdresser (my particular "box"). Yes I want to look as passable as possible and yes I want to look like an elegant, beautiful, classy lady. But I know who and what I am and that's okay with me.

What does bother me a bit is that I had assumed that women would welcome me and my desire to express my femininity in a physical manner. Why did I think that? Well I suppose it's partly because I have a need to be accepted by women, and it's also because I've been receiving such a positive response from female shop assistants and MAC beauty consultants. Have I been lulled into a false sense of comfort? I don't know, but maybe I have been.

I'd be very interested to hear your views.

10 comments:

Michele Angelique said...

Thanks for opening this discussion Dee. This is a very interesting question, though not one for which a simple answer exists. I don't think the feelings of genetic women about crossdressers can be generalized. It depends on the situation, the people, the culture.

You might be surprised to know that some of the looks and whispers you have seen from genetic women are positive. Although they may realize you are a crossdresser, they could just as easily be whispering that they love your shoes or some other aspect of you.

All of the genetic women friends I have spoken with about my new found love for transgendered women are initially quite in the dark about the whole topic, as was I until a few short months ago. When I explain that you are doing this out of your love for femininity, my genetic female friends have responded positively.

I would venture that the vast majority of women you encounter will be ignorant or neutral about your situation. This does not mean they will judge you negatively. It might instead mean that they are like blank slates, waiting to be impressioned. Or perhaps they already have an impression, and could benefit from seeing your example.

My best advice to you is this: when you go out en femme, carry yourself with pride and dignity. Look people in the eye, keep your chin up, and smile warmly. Don't feel guilty because you are out in public representing woman-kind, feel honored and let it show. Just by your presence, you will enlighten many people around you.

You are not like the stereotypes they may have been exposed to... you are a proud, beautiful, classy woman who dresses because you respect and love the feminine gender. Women can't help but recognize that, even if only subconsciously. Every person who sees you will be changed in some way. You have the power to influence this change by your actions, demeanor and appearance. Going out is an opportunity for you to help enlighten people. That is a very credible purpose for which you should be proud.

There are also women like me out there, who approve of what you are doing, and admire you very much (for example, the yahoo group to which I am a member, the "GeneticWomenWhoLoveCrossdressers"). If more women had the opportunity to understand you, our numbers would grow. I am hoping that as a collective group, we can find ways to show people the truly beautiful spirit in which you and others like you are crossdressing. Every time you go out dressed you are taking a step for progress.

Thanks again Dee for this thought provoking contribution.

Much love,
Michele

Dee Femina said...

Hi Michele

Thanks for your articulate and lovely comment. There are definitely things you've mentioned that I hadn't considered.

I have to admit (as is clear from my post) that I had assumed that the looks and whispers were probably negative. But off course you are right...they could be positive and I am willing to accept that your hypothesis is correct.

Standing 6'3" in my high heels, I don't exactly "blend in" to the background, so I have no doubt that the women did recogize me as a crossdresser. However, I do dress properly and like a "regular" woman would. You be the judge of that from my photos, but I do strive to look classy and normal and I buy and dress in quality and stylish clothing.

Certainly I've had nothing but positive responses from the various MAC beauticians who I regularly consult. I openly admit that I am buying makeup for myself and I've taken to showing them photographs of myself dressed en femme...not to shock, but so that they can realise that I'm serious and also so that they can get a sense of what "Dee" looks like. I normally get a "Wow!!", a double take and then another "Wow!!".

I can also say that, when I'm out in public and when I'm outed by women, I act with dignity and confidence. I smile back at them, I don't cringe in shame (because I'm not ashamed) and I hold my head high with self-respect. In short, I act like any other confident woman would who is out on her own and just wanting to relax and have a quiet drink.

There is no doubt that I educate a few more people (mainly women as they are the ones who notice me) everytime I go out. I do believe that they go home realizing that crossdressers can look and act normal and be a credit to woman-kind.

And this is one of my objectives and causes.

And yes you are correct...everytime I go out and act in the manner that I do, I am taking a step for progress.

Kind regards
Dee

Michele Angelique said...

Marisa said...

re: What Do Genetic Women Really Think About Us? by Dee Femina

----

Oh for CERTAIN Dee, many women's response is highly influenced by our image and/or presentation.

With men it is a different story. There, a gender congruous presentation will either make no difference, OR good (but "clockable") presentation will produce a more antagonistic response. If you read as "bad Halloween costume" guys at least have a frame of reference--even if it isn't Oct. 31. Many have worn that costume themselves in 1983 or 2002. But men's "queer threat alarm" really starts clanging the closer someone they see as male more effectively presents as female. This is evident in the annals of low-comedy: Frat boys dress as cheerleaders. One is inevitably too convincing. The others turn-on the one for not being appropriately ridiculous!

Naturally, if they'd all decided to dress up as pirates, the one with the parrot and best pronunciation of "shiver me timbers" would be THE MAN! But if one is approximating such an odious character as "female" then the poorer the act the better. :( The silver-lining to this cloud (as you note) is that men are inevitably less attuned. If you look good enough to *seriously* discombobulate half the men, you're likely flying beneath radar of the other half.

But I digress! The topic was women's response. Good. Talking about that other stuff was tensing me up. And I'm explicitly avoiding the issue of a female S.O.--a differently-coloured mare, of which I have zero experience.

But yeah, presentation=acceptance (or, more pessimistically, it equals lack of horror). Certainly there exists a substantial minority of women who object to feminine "men" on some "moral" grounds. But by-and-large women seem most disturbed by negative visualization of the idea. If you look smart, vibe nice, and smile well, many women will accept the immediate evidence rather than the default idea that transness is some pervy, pathetic shadow-world.

Like you Dee, I've gotten into the habit of carrying around a few photos whenever I (en drab) expect to be in situations that are inevitably "outing."--wig shops, nail salons, hairdressers, etc. When confronted with frostiness or blank incomprehension, whipping out the old 4" x 6" works a charm! Whatever the cause, it lightens the air. Though my status may only be elevated to from weirdy threat to clownish pet, it's a benefit. (Note: Where I live, and doubtless where you do, these jobs are predominantly held by asian women with limited English language skills. Given that communication barrier, the tranny pix are often an "icebreaker" generally, rather than being a gender thing).

In person, and en femme (in my limited experience) the same thing prevails. The better you present, the less distance women will maintain from you--and the odd chance you'll become the hen-night mascot. *Eyeroll*

I must say that this limited female acceptance and civility produces, in certain CD's (or male-born persons of other identity) a "girlfriends" illusion that they try to impose upon women who are merely being nice. But, I guess that's another topic.

Bad-Obsession said...

I am not a very good writter. That is I am not one who get thoughts across very well writting, but as I read this blog a thought hit me and I wanted to share it with everyone. Hopefully it comes across well. I think what has been said is right. The more you go out, presenting as you do, the better. But, I know what you are saying. I wonder what the wig sales lady is really thinking when she comments on how well my face goes with a piece... what other women think when they see the pictures or hear the stories... Ultimately I don't think it matters. And not for the timeless "because you got to be you" reason, but because I don't think they know what they are thinking, they are just responding with the first thing that comes to mind. The response they think they are supposed to have. If that is indeed what is hapening, then the response does not match the thoughts. So wig lady with compliments or bar lady with eye-rolls. It's hard to know what is really going on when reactions don't match thoughts. So I have wondered the same thing as you (even though I have never gone out "dressed up" to a "normal" bar) and I think the point is well made by the other writters that confidence and soilidness will be accepted as attractive in any world.

Good things,

Bad-Obsession

Bad-Obsession said...

I am not a very good writter. That is I am not one who get thoughts across very well writting, but as I read this blog a thought hit me and I wanted to share it with everyone. Hopefully it comes across well. I think what has been said is right. The more you go out, presenting as you do, the better. But, I know what you are saying. I wonder what the wig sales lady is really thinking when she comments on how well my face goes with a piece... what other women think when they see the pictures or hear the stories... Ultimately I don't think it matters. And not for the timeless "because you got to be you" reason, but because I don't think they know what they are thinking, they are just responding with the first thing that comes to mind. The response they think they are supposed to have. If that is indeed what is hapening, then the response does not match the thoughts. So wig lady with compliments or bar lady with eye-rolls. It's hard to know what is really going on when reactions don't match thoughts. So I have wondered the same thing as you (even though I have never gone out "dressed up" to a "normal" bar) and I think the point is well made by the other writtrers that confidence and soilidness will be accepted as attractive in any world.

Good things,

Bad-Obsession

Sean Cody said...

I just wish that 1% of the interent community understood this topic as well as you did. Thankyou!
Have a great one.
Sean Cody

Sonja said...

I'm rather new to this blog site, and this is my first posting. In reading this post, I'd like to add my personal experience, though I don't know how helpful it will be. Fortunately, I make an attractive, passable woman. There have been times when I've been face to face with a woman, have spoken to her, and she didn't know I was male. Rather than tell example after example of experiences, I'll say overall that the responses of women depend mostly on two things. One is the appearance. The more of a "wow" factor they have, the more accepting they are. The more you appear and behave as a woman, the more comfortable they are. Another important distinction I've noticed, is the age of the woman. The younger they are, the more accepting or approving. Of course there's going to be variables such as her religious upbringing or sense or morality, but I've rarely encountered a woman who's openly displayed disapproval. But there can be a double-edged sword to this. If a cd is masculine in appearance and/or behaviour, a woman can feel threatened due to the conflicting signals. Physical intimidation from the cd's masculine size/voice/mannerisms combined with the wearing feminine clothing/makeup may lead her to think this person is crazy or something. On the other hand, if the cd is pretty, she could feel jealous about her beauty, and display animosity because the cd looks better in heels than her, feeling it's unfair.

In a way, it's understandable a genetic woman would feel upset about an attractive cd. Men seem to "have it all" with thier "male privelege" in the workplace and all that, but then a man comes along and is encroaching on her feminity, and beating her at it in some ways if she feels the cd has better legs than her or has a better figure than her or something. To her, it's not fair that a pretty cd has "male privilege", and at the same time has hijacked her power of "feminine sexuality", sampling it, and making it "his" own. It can leave her feeling "is there any advantage to being a woman?"

If you're a cd/tg/ts that's attractive and identified for what you are by a genetic woman, it's important to remember the differences between you and her. If you come across as vain (even if you are attractive as a woman), you increase the chance of animosity or resentment. Women compete with each other already, and some women's envy of another can be strong enough that it turns to jealousy. Though unfair that a woman's worth can and is measured based on her appearance by some members of society, it's a part of her life experience and she's extremely aware of it. So do what other women do if she compliments you. Compliment her back, telling her there's something about her appearance you wish you had for example. Because if she may feel you are more attractive than her overall, your envy of her in at least some small way lets her feel good about herself. It reminds her that a great looking "fake" woman isn't as good as a fair looking "real" one. Even supermodels have something about their appearance they wish was just a little different, or feel envious of another woman in even a little way.

Hope this was insightful

Diane Kaley said...

"a great looking "fake" woman isn't as good as a fair looking "real" one. "
Totally disagree. There's nothing "fake" about a woman just because she has a male body.
Genetic sex is a fact of life but anyone can be a woman, a man or neither or both.
That ,to me, is the whole point of expressing my femininity as well as any other aspect of myself. It's all me. I think it's important to never feel that the sex of your body determines anything other than your reproductive role and what works best when you need to attend to bodily functions. Gender variance is reality. To those among us who don't experience a great deal of gender variance in their own feelings how we are in our lives is going to be the example which eventually will lead to the acceptance that variance is the actual norm if anything is. No "straight" people no "gay" people just people.

Diane

davidainmaryland1 said...

thanks to all for the greate inciteful answers.
they co-inside with my experiances also.

hugs davida

aka davidainmaryland1 in yahoo messinger

Anonymous said...

hello, i'm a closet cd or maybe something more i just don't know anymore. to my comment.
It is my impression that females dislike us because they dislike themselves and want to turn FEMININITY into MachoFem or something that looks stronger
crossdressers and MtoF transexuals remind them what they are. So they Attack it and reject it. It's a sad world we live in. Yeah i know you'll say "what do you know? you live in the closet" well yes i do theres only two people who know the real me my Wife and some lesbian i know. she figured me out. yes i told my wife before we married but she not a allie.with her i'm skating on thin ice, but it's better than being alone.