Who's really passing?

(by Marlena Dahlstrom)
Ran across a striking re-thinking of the "passing" issue by Lacey Leigh, author of "The Successful Crossdresser." Lacey points out that despite what we'd like to think, few of us will be mistaken for GGs. If we're not read, it's more that people either don't notice or don't care. Consequently:

"I measure my success as a crossdresser by the number of people I encounter who (if they bother to notice at all) recognize me as a man in a dress but regard me with the same degree of indifference they award any other stranger. If they treat me the same as everyone else, they pass."

Seems like the right attitude to me.



In response to Darla's "Who's Really Passing?"

I like this author's perspective about passing while out en femme, "If they treat me the same as everyone else, THEY pass". I agree, rather than worrying about whether you can outwardly "pass" as a GG, just be yourself. People who recognize you for TG and choose to accept you, are the ones "passing" (or failing) the more important test in the bigger picture. This special test is the ability of a human being to tolerate differences in others without judgement. This is a continual test put upon all humans in a myriad of ways. Some people pass, and for those who don't, the test keeps coming back around time and time again. As TG people you are gifted/burdened with the work/duty of administering this test, as are other visible minority groups.

You cannot control other people's reactions. The only thing you can control is yourself. Rather than trying to control the uncontrolable, just relax, be at peace with yourself, and let your light shine... smile at other people, make eye contact, say hello. This is the best that you can do. This attitude will make a positive impression on most people, and therefore uplift the TG cause as a whole.

What we each should focus on is whether we ourselves "pass" the same test. Do we judge, condemn or criticize other people because they are "different"? Is there any person or group (which is intrinsicly harming no one), that we cannot tolerate? If so, then we are not yet passing. Of course, every moment of our lives is a new opportunity, so the next time someone who is "intolerably different" crosses your path, welcome them with open arms. Then surely, you will be passing.

Thanks Darla for introducing this refreshing perspective.

Hugs and love,
Anonymous said…
I too appreciate the author's perspective about whether or not we TGs should worry so much about "passing" or not in public. Michele and Darla have beautifully written about this above.

I guess I personally feel attacked sometimes though when it is suggested by some that all of us TGs should aspire to "pass" - i.e. conservative clothing, voice lessons, etc. I am perfectly happy being the less than "passable" TG. If I want to dress slutty at times, why should I feel guilty about that? Am I doing a huge disservice to other TGs who perhaps aspire to pass?

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