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Showing posts from August, 2006

What keeps you from being Happy?

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What prevents us from being happy?I believe the answer is quite simple. Every person on this planet who is not happy are all suffering from one emotion. It is the cause of all wars, racism, crime, and hate. What a powerful emotion it must be to be responsible for all of that negativity. That emotion is fear and it is affecting you in ways you may not even be aware of at the moment. Fear of failure, fear of being alone, and fear of what people will think. Have you stopped and looked at the people you are afraid might judge you? Are their lives in a place where you would like to someday be? If not, then why are you concerned with their opinion? They will judge you out of envy and ignorance. They see you succeed and they want that for the…

Men Who Wear Stilettos - And the Women Who Love Them

All around us, every single day, progressive understanding is happening. Yet another example is this recent feature on the Women's Entertainment Network entitled "Married to Cross-dressers: Men Who Wear Stilettos - And the Women Who Love Them", which was a candid and openly supportive glimpse into the lives of several married couples. Here is the write up about the episode, along with the link to the website.

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You love your husband, you adore your boyfriend– so you let him slide when he leaves the toilet seat up, forgets your birthday, or find out he's seen Star Wars 212 times. But what if he asked to borrow your favorite blouse, and maybe some of that new violet eyeshadow. Would you, could you, deal?

Lots of women do.

There are thousands of heterosexual men - married or in committed relationships -- who routinely dress in women's clothing. It's estimated that at least 1% of the male population "cross-dresses." But even in this new millennium of…

This One Goes Out to the One I Love

[This is a compilation of things, many of which I’ve discussed with my wife—though never in the exact form that follows. I simply intend it to be a way to present my view of how transgenderism can actually benefit a marriage. It just seemed easier to write as if it were a monologue.]

I know you know most of the things that I’m going to tell you because you’ve often told me how much you appreciate them. But I’m telling them to you because I also want you to appreciate one of the reasons behind these behaviors.

I know how much you appreciate that I can be very sentimental and am rather easily moved to tears even in public, particularly in church. And have you noticed how I don’t apologize for “losing it” anymore? Or that I’m not ashamed to get misty eyed or teary when it comes to really important emotional issues like family? You wouldn’t get that from most of the guys you could have married.

I know how much you appreciate that I pitch in and help with the housework, often without even bei…

One State of Compromise

This is where a matter of opinion rests, not judgment, that is no one can say what is right and what is wrong for another person, and we will all handle our affairs in a way that we see fit and best at the time. So long as all things are done with compassion I say. This is just something to consider...let me add, please forgive the simplfication of all this. This is an ideal.

In writing about opening up to a spouse I have this also this to add, "What world do I live in?" yes me, my world apart from all others, as if I were alone, "What is best for my world?". Sounds "selfish" perhaps, but it ultimately is not, one must be "selfish" enough so as to consider the happiness of all we love.

Because, we create the world we live in, if we are not in tune with who we are or selfish enough to know ourselves, and we are in a way where we reflect the expectations and emotions and approval of all, even our spouses, at the expense of our own, we fall victim to…

Distinctions

So many of the details that define our conscious understanding of this life get blurred together until there is, in time, no truth in meaning for the common person. Learning to make distinctions directly effects our ability to understand the complexities of awareness which can be achieved, and opens us to a myriad of emotional subcategories that, if applied properly and responsibly, can change the manner in which we interact with one another.

Simple, yet profoundly complex, would be the example of love. Too many times this perspective is misunderstood, misapplied, or misdirected. We've seen such misfortune historically, as in the example of Vincent Van Goght, and tragically see it daily in our lives with regard to the deaths of whole families due to unbridled jealeousy. In the past such acts were romanticised due to their seeming rarity. As well, those early times acknowledged the specifically defined understanding of language and were able, again, to make distinctions regarding af…

Through a spouses eyes...

Hey Everyone!
Recentely our group here has gotten me thinking more about unconditional love. We as TG's want nothing more from our spouses, but are we really giving of ourselves what we so much desire? The more I think about it the more elusive it seems to become. After some soul searching I have found a way for my spouse and I to work toward that goal. Here goes...
To tell the truth, most love is not unconditional. Few people will put up with continued abuse, dishonesty or infidelity just to name a few things. Even the best of love has limits. IMHO, to receive unconditional love you must give the same, you must also respect and honor your mate. We in the TG world seem to equate the total acceptance of being TG with unconditional love. Such is not the case. As TG folks we need to know when our spouses reach a limit they are comfortable with. I mean the last thing we want is our spouses to be uncomfortable, that is the least we can do. Why? Because we unconditionally l…

Views of a Wife Who Opposes

The wife of a transgendered person replied to my earlier post, though not the same wife as she to whom my letter was originally written. This bystanding wife raised several points, which I do appreciate her for voicing them. Though I prefer not to quote her directly, what she said will serve as a thoughtful reference to us, which highlights the common concerns that many other wives have.

She stated that a wife is not solely responsible for her husband's happiness...

She is correct, we must lead our lives in such a way that we are happy inside. If either partner prohibits the other from being their true self, it is against their respecitive abilities to exercise this choice to happiness. She is not responsible for his happiness, nor is he responsible for hers. Yet to needlessly deny happiness to one another is to either live with a very miserable spouse, or worse to put an early end to an otherwise good marriage.

She questioned why he "hid" this for so long...

Some people fee…

A Rock and a Rock

Who among us has walked a path fully knowing? How many of us, have always known even what was in our hearts all of the time?

The wise of old said, “Know thy self O man”. Why would they say that? They would say it, because we don’t always know WHO we are. None of us have come here fully knowing. We find out who we are by living. Experience teaches, and we become forged by virtue of it. That is the reason for this journey. The reason we were born. We have come here to know, and find our reasons for being.

People may marvel at someone that brakes through to the other side, from a life unknowing to one fully realized, and wonder, how could this person have not known what they were? All the while they could ask this question of someone else and not even know themselves. That perhaps is the greatest marvel of all, we are so forgetful. We forget where we came from and the mark of one wandering this life without a clue to who they really are themselves, is a judgmental heart with its black tong…

To the Wife of a Transwoman Coming Out

I received a letter from the wife of someone who recently revealed their transgender status after 10+ years of marriage, and who intends to transition permanently to live full time as a woman. After reading one of my earliest pieces, "Best of Both Worlds", she reached out to me in the hopes that I may be able to help her to cope with these changes in her partner, particularly in regard to sexual orientation. Fortunately she loves her spouse immeasurably, and wants to accomodate their needs if she is able. While I was only able to scratch the surface of this topic in a single letter, my hope is that I provided her with a few important points to consider. I expect that this will be an ongoing discussion, and plan to post again on this topic in the near future. I would really like to get your feedback, because I am considering writing a book on this topic. Please tell me if I am on the right track.

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Please forgive my delay in responding honey. I wish I could provide some eas…

I Believe in You

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There are times in our lives when we may find ourselves facing challenges that can seem overwhelming. The situation or task we are struggling with seems hopeless, and it is easy to stop believing in ourselves, our goals, and our dreams. It is during these moments that it can be reassuring and reaffirming to turn to the people in our lives who do believe in us, especially when we are finding it hard to believe in ourselves. An encouraging word, a reassuring look, or hearing the words "I believe in you" from someone who matters can help us turn our situations around in an instant.

Everybody has someone who believes in them, whether this person is a teacher, parent, friend, loved one, or an employer. Often their belief can wrap us in warmth, bolster us, and offer us a supportive hand to grab onto until we can regain our own support. Having that special person who believes in our abilities and our worth is a wonderful gift. But when we are feeling unworthy, it may be difficult to…