Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Healing Emotional Self-Abuse

Self-abuse can start from unrequieted love, abandonment, or rejection early in childhood. Many times when we do not receive something we really need or want, or when something dear to us is taken away we feel cheated and rejected by the universe. Our inner child screams out in longing and doesn't understand why it can't have what it needs. Frustration and conflict manifest, and feelings of unworthiness start to creep into the subconscious mind. This starts a chain of emotional reactions that inhibit the creative flow of life within us, and what we really desire in life becomes even more inacccessible and remote.

Somewhere during this succesion of events, the thought or belief that "I can never have this in my life", "I'll never be able to achieve this kind of success and relationship", or "I'm not good enough" begin to take over in the subconscious mind. We begin to feel emotionally paralyzed, our power to move beyond that thought pattern, beyond that belief is frozen in self-doubt and fear.

Self-abuse begins at that moment in our belief system when we have lost the faith both in ourselves and in the universe to create all that we need for our happiness and fufillment. If we cant' create this fufillment on earth, how are we going to find it somewhere else? The search starts and ends with your SELF. No one else holds that key; not a mother, a father, not your lover, husband or wife. Only you and your God Self can open the door to love and freedom.

Self-abuse is also a denial of some part of ourselves, a vital part of ourselves that we choose to ignore, a vital part of ourselves that is not seen as attractive, loved, or accepted into our reality. When an emotion or a strong feeling is projected unto the child by the parents as 'unacceptable', the child automatically withdraws into a self-protective shell (in the solar plexus) and internalized the emotional denial. This denial eventually crystallizes into a fear or blockage in that area, especially if those emotions are not encouraged to be expressed, explored and handled without judgement or punishment.

If left unattended, thse same forbidden feelings and emotions will resurface in our adult relationships and in our career, until we heal the abuse and judgement connected with that emotional experience. It's a question of giving ourselves permission to look into areas of ourselves that we have never been encouraged to explore, much less accept. Our parent's fears and denial patterns unconsciously projected themselves into our emotional body during our childhood and many times we absorbed these judgements and fears into our subconscious like a sponge.

For our healing, what we learn to do later in life is to literally re-parent our childhood, and re-pattern our feeling world by giving ourselves full permission to explore those hidden, forbidden regions of ourselves that were held previously in denial, judgement, and fear. This is why it is so important not to judge ourselves for having any repressed emotions, as judgement creates an even greater barrier and separation between ourselves and the abuse within us which we hope to heal. Judgement is an emotional reaction of shame, fear, resistance, and separation. It is a statement of non-acceptance.

As human beings, when we don't receive what we need, we "shut off", feel rejected, worthless, and our faith in our own power crumbles.We immediately feel guilt that "I did something wrong, so I dont' feel worthy to receive the love or joy I want." When we entertain this attitude, we begin to feel that "I dont' deserve". Our own value of ourselves diminishes to a powerless and helpless creature. That is self abuse. Punishing ourselves for "doing something wrong" is also a form of self-abuse.

Denying self awareness and holding back the recognition of our deepest feelings, longing and desires, is also a form of self abuse. We probably live in one of the most self-abusive societies in the world, where repression, denial, self-punishment and guilt have all contirbuted to what is called a 'normal, healthy society'. By starting within ourselves, and healing our own issues of self-abuse, we can contribute to the healing of a humanity in great need of awakening, transformation and wholeness.

Written by Aeoliah

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