Trannier Than Thou?

I've been online sharing quality time with so many beautiful transladies, on and off since 2005. There's one thing that I have observed time and again, which seems to play a big factor for many of you. It seems like a lot of people in this community ascribe to some kind of trans-heirarchy, where it is deemed that those who are "more trans" are somehow better than those who are "less trans"... does this ring a bell for any of you?

It's like, full-time female is regarded higher than part-time female. Or the more surgeries, is some kind of merit badge compared to those who are non-op. Or the more passable transladies, are somehow better than the less passable... and I am sad to see that some of you even form little cliques around this notion. Some of you try to exclude others who don't live up to your standards of transness. Do you not realize you are all just varying degrees along the same spectrum?

I recently invited a few new members to GenderEvolve, and the first question I got from two of them, "well since I am only part-time, am I qualified to join?". I just want to make it clear to all of you, in my opinion, there is no "better than" or "less than" in this community. I don't regard a post-op transsexual woman as a higher form of human being than a part-time crossdresser. To me, you are all equal, you are all beautiful, it doesn't matter how you manifest your transness.

It seems that some of you are ashamed to admit that you value your male side as much as your female side. It's like you worry that we think your male self is unworthy or repugnant. I'll tell you, for my part, I love males just about as much as I love females. There is nothing more appealing to me than a person who embodies both male and female, and is comfortable with this equation. To me, that shows far more inner balance than someone who rejects one or the other side of themself. I was born female, yet I have a strong male spirit inside of me, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Embracing the two sides of me is what keeps me whole.

I'd love to see the ladies in this community drop the pretense, and come to embrace each other as equal sisters. To admit, you all have some male in you, no matter how far you try to run from it, or who you shun in the process, it is part of all of you, and it's ok.

I'd love to see this whole trans-heirarchy go by the wayside, and for you to recognize you have too much in common to ostrasize one another based on superficial factors.

What do you think, my beautiful sisters?

Much love,


Anonymous said…
A wise blog from a wise person...

It's wonderful to embrace the "She" we feel within us, but one should never ignore the "He" either, it's all part of the whole and we should never forget that. It's what makes us complete people
genevieve said…
A much needed post, Michelle. Elitism is something we don't need. Each person came to the point to where they are now. One is not superior to the other. I applaud each person who comes to the place where they feel comfortable as they are.

Dayita Angelis said…
Thank you much.

I kinda needed to hear this - not so much because of the clique-ish thing, but simply because I've been engaging the coming-out process these last couple of months - and the question I keep asking myself is simply: "why am I bothering? What's next?"

I am a fair bit more woman than man in my spirit, but the man is the one who has benefited from most of the training and affirmation in our culture. I also have a whole range of personal obligations predicated on my masculine role in society and I find it hard to envision a transition process that doesn't do some amount of violence to those who trust and depend on me.

And, strange though it may seem, it is the woman in me who cares the most about the consequences - so there is a sense where, by not transitioning, I am more fully engaging with that feminine part of my soul and I draw on the masculine bits to find the strength to maintain my assigned social roles.

Don't get me wrong, if I woke up tomorrow as a cisgender (have I finally gotten the lingo right?) woman, I wouldn't spend a nanosecond grieving the change, but for me to reach out with my own will and force the world to conform to my desire seems contrary to the very desire that I do have.

And since I can chase my tail on this subject for hours, I will leave it here. I just wanted to thank you for your comments as affirming and comforting to my own feminine soul.

- Dayita
Anonymous said…
Thanks so much for your words.
At 53 I recently found out that I live an identity, not identities. Even though I could say that I have been a part time transvestite, I now say: I am.
I am starting to recognize my femenine qualities as well as my male ones.
I can wear a nice ladies outfit or a male attire and feel and flow as the woman within.
Receive my warmest regards.

Jessica said…
Sometimes we just need other person to say what it was always ringing in the back our heads but did not have the words to put it.


I've read a couple posts from and I get this weird sensation in my guts of something wonderful about to be reveal/discover coming from you.

I guess I'd like to believe in magic.

Holly Burton said…
I started a website with the intent to go beyond all that and simply honor the art of gender experimentation, in general. No pretention! if anyone wants to come check it out!

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