This One Goes Out to the One I Love

[This is a compilation of things, many of which I’ve discussed with my wife—though never in the exact form that follows. I simply intend it to be a way to present my view of how transgenderism can actually benefit a marriage. It just seemed easier to write as if it were a monologue.]

I know you know most of the things that I’m going to tell you because you’ve often told me how much you appreciate them. But I’m telling them to you because I also want you to appreciate one of the reasons behind these behaviors.

I know how much you appreciate that I can be very sentimental and am rather easily moved to tears even in public, particularly in church. And have you noticed how I don’t apologize for “losing it” anymore? Or that I’m not ashamed to get misty eyed or teary when it comes to really important emotional issues like family? You wouldn’t get that from most of the guys you could have married.

I know how much you appreciate that I pitch in and help with the housework, often without even being told. And how I do most of the cooking. Or that I’m the only one in the house besides you who picks up after themselves. I do that because I love you, but have you ever thought about why I don’t have any hesitation to join in with these tasks that most of the men you could have married would consider “woman’s work?”

I know you appreciate how I prefer to spend time with you and our daughters rather than going off with male friends. I don’t hunt, fish, race motorcycles, cars or other vehicles, raise hell, get drunk or engage in any of the time consuming, expensive and risky pasttimes that are common among the men you could have married. I spend time with you and the family because I prefer that, but have you ever wondered why I am not all that interested in engaging in extensive male bonding?

I know you appreciate my interest in our daughters’ activities and how I enjoy spending time with them. I love my daughters and watching then grow and helping them develop into the competent, confident and good-hearted girls they’ve become thus far. I know you appreciate my answer to the question I frequently get about “don’t you wish you had a son.” No, I really don’t and you know that a big part of that is simply love, but have you ever wondered why I don’t have a little twinge of disappointment—like so many of the men you might have married would have had-- that I don’t have a son?

I know you appreciate the quality of our intimate moments. I know you appreciate that I’m attentive to your needs and desires. I know you appreciate how we’ve become very attuned to one another in so many ways. But have you ever wondered why so many women complain that their husbands aren’t this way, but I am?

I know your answer to all these questions, as you’ve told me before: “You’re just a good person.” I do appreciate that and it makes me so happy to know that I please you and fulfill you; and I couldn’t stand to know that you didn’t think that. But there is something else that is involved-- my transgendered nature. I think it predisposes me to try to look at things from the female perspective, to try to understand the essence of being female, and to honor and respect females in a way that most men can’t or don’t out of fear of being thought feminine. I’m not afraid of that, indeed I embrace and pursue it. I know I’m not always successful at it—and probably never can be, after all I still have a masculine traits that are equally a part of who I am.

But my point is that being transgendered (a term I don’t particularly like, I’d rather be called ambigendered as I believe I’m more a blend of genders than one or the other—and I certainly think this goes a lot further than just crossdressing), shapes my personality in positive ways. It isn’t the only thing at the core of my psyche, but it’s part of it and it creates an outlook that prompts me to be different from the other guys you could have married. Rather than feeling threatened by that, I just hope you can see that it is as the important asset to our relationship that I believe it to be.

Comments

Amara said…
Oh gosh girl! lol you made me tear with this! lol

So sweet and affectionate...

Really beautiful Stephanie..

I know she must know, how lucky she is also to have you:)
Re: This One Goes Out To The One I Love, by Stephanie Yates
http://genderevolve.blogspot.com/2006/08/this-one-goes-out-to-one-i-love.html
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Oooh dear Stephanie, this is truly a compelling piece! How illuminating this is to have it written in such a clear and concise way. I have always suspected that many wives fall in love with a TG spouse due to some of those feminine qualities you mention, even though it isn't pinpointed at the time. TG people, by and large, are far more empathetic, sensitive and expressive than I have known in any of my life's experience with uni-gendered men. I believe that trans qualities can indeed enhance a loving relationship, and I appreciate how you have highlighted the ways in which it has enhanced yours.

I think your wife will be touched by this letter, it is so honest and from your heart. Beautifully written!

Much love,
Michele
Samantha Leigh said…
Well said Stephanie. I have had similiar conversations with my wife. She had also attributed such things to, "being a nice guy" and "you're just different"; but she also as a started Crossdressing regularly saw how those qualities amplified that it was all part of the package of being the gender varient person I am.

I can so much relate to having daughters and no son. I think I might feel awkward, enfemme around a son. It's fun to polish the girls nails. It's great to hear "Daddy you're pretty", or "Why did you change, I liked the way you looked in the dress and makeup". It's so wonderful to snuggle up with them on the couch.

Thank you for expressing what some of us have felt, thought and observed in our own lives.

Love,
Samantha
Jim said…
Well said, nice thoughtful piece, and the same can be said for an admirer, since I feel like you do, but don't cross-dress, and don't feel ambi-gendered [great new term]; however, I love women, in all their forms, with t-women being the most fascinating.
best,

Jim
genevieve said…
I understand what you are saying. My wife is my best friend. While she doesn't understand wh I dress up, she sees that this is part of me.

Though I am transgender and transvestite, I have tested as androgyne, and have a queer bent to me at times.

Genevieve

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