Can the Gloves Come Off ?

(by Alexis Rene Jones)
So I was going through some profiles on urna the other evening and stumbled across a familiar looking & absolutely stunning girl !

I mean if this is the height of where transition can go....Sign me up ASAP ! Am only teasing but yes she is that gorgeous ....

Anyway this girl has been a staple in the much talked about ratings at urna for a long while. She still has the same pic up as when Iarrived to the site in Dec. '04 ... Almost a year now.

Long story short I wrote this said girl twice over a three month period, Two very sweet letters not really asking for anything other than to pay her a genuine compliment or two and I heard nothing back from either . I guess my writing wasn't ( Still isn't? ) up to par ... So with this in mind I decided not to waste anymore time with it(her);).

The following month I noticed again she was right at the top of the ratings system and also noticed she had yahoo messenger so I thought....Why not pop in and tell her she is in the top ten or whatever and congratulate her sort of thing?(She hadn't signed infor a couple of weeks) Immediately the next day she signs into urna thanks her gorgeous friends for the votes and again zero response back to me .... Hmph ! Now it is a quest to get this girls attention at least for just a second ....

The following month the exact same thing happens...She is soaringin the ratings and I let her know where she was at with yet another sweet letter via messenger. Again she signs in signs her post op friends books and leaves .... And ya guessed it no response back to me ... This was in May. I gave up writing her....yah yah I got the hint lol

Now I know this all sounds needy but not trying for that aspect at all!... I am just trying to say , well read her latest comment in her bio thingy at urna as it is worth READING !

http://profiles.urnotalone.com/35330

The point I want to make is this .... No matter how many hormones or surgical things one can do .... No one can erase their history of where they started .Also Compassion and being gracious is something that comes naturally and cannot be found through artificial means as previously mentioned !

Yes, while Lany Nicole Kershaw may possess beauty...It is only skin deep and judging from her comment she is VERY HOLLOW and lacks much of the things in life that most seek irregardless of gender !I am sorry to rant for so long(particularly if she is your friend)I just despise when someone takes the condescending position from where they "think" they are !!! GRRRRR!!!!

So now there is the Angel & Devil thing on each of my shoulders....The Angel says leave it alone ...the latter says make/take an issue with her words ....What do YOU think ??? Does a statement like what she poses offend or is she justified ???

Alexis

Comments

Alexis Rene said…
From Jenna...

Well stated dear Alexis. Grace is not the better part of a hit TV sitcom........


Me thinks "Laney" is a "shadow" profile. A pre-op and probably non-op wannabe. Her photos never change. She doesn't post any photos on her Yahoo profile.

http://profiles.yahoo.com/laneynicole72

Besides, the words and grammar she uses on her profie are very "masculine". Sorry, I have trouble believing that she's legit.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it
Alexis Rene said…
From Bri ...

Hey Lex,
Now, come to think of it, she's sat on my friendslist for at least that long &
has never
replied to me either... ;p Thanx! That's just the thing I needed to hear to help
me prune
the deadwood on my list...lol She's not gonna treat my friends like that & stay
in my tree...
;D

Gonna cut me some more slack then... lol I can use the space for real friends! (
I already
use alot of bandwidth, right!)... ;D

B !
Alexis Rene said…
From Lauren...

Hello Alexis,

The words in your email tell me you already know the type of person you are dealing with, so listen to the Angel and let it go. Having some serenity is sometimes better than being right!

Lauren
Alexis Rene said…
From Felicia ...

Dear Alexis,

Perhaps this issue belongs under GenderEvolve as it has
ramifications for others of us in the group beyond mere
entertainment value. I can relate to the feelings of hurt that can
arise when we pay someone a compliment or reach out in friendship
and are ignored as that has happened to me as well. Your blog also
brings up several other issues for me. One has to do with
reciprocity and the other has to do with on-line transgender (tg)
beauty contests in general.

Reciprocity

Starting with the topic of reciprocity, most of us learn that in
order to get our needs met, we operate in a give and take world with
others. If I do something for you, then you do for me in return,
and vice versa. This is not meant to imply that we cannot be
unconditionally giving without expectation of reward. An example of
unconditional giving would be to give anonymously to a person in
need and know there is no way that that person can return the
favor. However, I don't think that we are doing anyone a favor by
continuing to give to them if they are capable of doing for
themselves or of giving back but choose not to.

Part of being narcissistic is having the belief that I am somehow
special, that I am entitled to be treated a certain way according to
my expectations without having to earn that treatment like the rest
of humanity. A statement such as:

"How boys in dresses can rate higher than someone like myself is
beyond me..... Nothing against you girls, but I'm very different
[than] you."

indicates to me that this individual feels she deserves to be
treated like a queen without having to reciprocate that treatment.
Maybe she feels entitled to a higher vote because of all that she
perceives herself to have gone through in order to become
postoperative or because of her exceptional beauty, or talents, or
whatever.

Alexis, given your bigendered status (meaning that you currently
need to present yourself as both a male and female because of your
life's circumstances) and your good looks as a female, you may be a
threat to her and her fragile ego that appears to be based primarily
on superficial appearances. For you to look at least as good as a
female as she does and not have had to go through all that she went
through in terms of costs and what she may perceive to be extra
suffering on account of her post-operative status, that could make
her feel less than gracious toward you. This is only a theory as it
is unlikely that she has acknowledged any compliments coming from
any of those who she sees as not fitting into that little box of
those she finds acceptable to her.

Sticking with the theme of reciprocity, before I decide to rate
someone, I tend to look to see if that person has returned and
acknowledged compliments that others have given to her. If she has
signed on recently but has not reciprocated with others in a several
week time span, I usually move on and don't waste my time
complimenting or talking to her. If someone only reciprocates
with "physically attractive" persons and ignores "unattractive"
persons, I tend to stay clear of them as well as everyone deserves
to be treated respectfully. It is not difficult to give a
respectful comment to an unattractive person after that person has
paid you a respectful comment.

Now on to my point about on-line tg beauty contests in general.

TG Beauty Contests

My question about on-line tg beauty contests is "Based on what
criteria am I making my vote?" Am I voting for this person
because "I like her as a person?" or because "I like what she has to
say in her profile?" or because "I like the way she looks in her
picture(s)?" or because "I think she is very passable as a female
based on her picture(s)?"

If our primary voting criteria is based on passability, it could be
said that the one who looks the most like a woman would win based on
that criteria. However, passability and beauty can be quite
different. I have seen many extremely attractive tg people who are
not very passable, nor do they especially try to be. On the other
hand, I have seen both tg's and gg's who don't make very pretty
girls, but are very passable as females.

A transgendered person who identifies with only one gender (whether
male or female) can put all of their energies and monies ( including
surgeries, HRT, etc.) into trying to emulate the gender that they
want to pass in or be attractive in. Comparing such a transsexual
person to a bigendered person who must live as both male and female
is like comparing an apple with an orange. The comparison doesn't
work. Is an apple more attractive because it is more red? or an
orange more attractive because it is more orange? Rating a
bigendered person strictly in terms of how that person appears as
either a man or a woman is very difficult as that person has to make
certain compromises and allowances in order not to be unpassable
and/or unattractive in the other gender (ie., keep arms and chest
slender enough for a woman but large enough for a man, etc.).

If I vote for this person because I like her as a person or because
I like what she has to say in her profile, then it would appear that
this is more of a popularity than a beauty contest. In this case,
either the most popular girl or the girl who expresses the most
heart felt thoughts in her profile would be the winner.

To me, winning a contest is not nearly as interesting as finding out
what makes people vote the way they do.

An interesting question that I would ask the members to honestly
answer is: "What was the most important characteristic(s) that you
looked for in deciding your vote?"

I would also ask them to check all the features that they based
their vote on:
1. know the person
2. like the person
3. hair style
4. facial features
5. body
6. legs
7. pose
8. smile
9. outfit
10. she reciprocates compliments with others
11. others (fill in)

Alexis, thank you for providing the topic of an interesting
discussion.

Best Regards.

Felicia Conti
Alexis Rene said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Alexis Rene said…
Bri said...

K, lol Bri doesn't take shit, remember?...lol I deleted Laney from my friends &
left her this
in her Guestbook...

Brielle Echo Whitney
11/01/2005 23:56
Hi Laney, Hmmm, I've got 120 reasons on my site that say that this boy in a
dress can not
only toe the line in the sand, but pull my presence with any TG, TS, or GG. By
coming up
with ludicris statements about being different, you have not truely embraced
what it is to
be transgendered. Look inside.
Alexis Rene said…
Alysyn said ...

In all objectivity, I have to reply to the insult felt by so many due
to her statement about "boys in dresses"...

Of course, as the article by Jamie Ray (that I linked on the GE
posting called "I Hate Transexuals")pointed out, there tends to be
attitudes regarding stages of development, usually from the more
advanced targeting the less advanced. It is true in any
circumstance...it's the whole "Star-bellied Sneetches" syndrome. The
worst response is to feel as if it is a worthy endeavor to become as
"acceptable" as the ones directing their ire toward you, or understand
that value is placed not on the status of your progress, but the
character you display in the place you find yourself presently.

Unfortunately, she has not taken time in 9+ years of living fulltime
as a woman to develop her sensitivity to the lives of others around
her and the potential value they have to her own experience, even in
her advanced state of transition; not to mention the knowledge she can
share with those who are still in the initial stages of understanding
their place on the gender scale of this life.

I admit to having struggled with this as well, but (and thank my God!)
I was more inclined to attempt to understand the variations
surrounding me at every turn. It's always easier to build a bias
against something we don't understand than to work toward
understanding and risk losing the bias altogether. Bias is like a
soft pillow that beckons us to sleep...too much sleep, like any
extreme, is detrimental to our overall health, and contributes
absolutely nothing to the lives of others.

But I do have to agree on the suspicious nature of her profile. All
of the indicators have been addressed, and I find them valid
considerations...

Aly...again.
Alexis Rene said…
Alysyn added ...

Makes one wonder why she even bothers visiting her profile on that
site if she's not willing to communicate at least once with someone
she's never met...

After all, it is a site tailored to the many and varied aspects of
transgenderism...kinda seems like buying a subscription to a magazine
and never opening the pages to read it.

...go figger...

I wonder, Bri, if she doesn't intend to "embrace what it is to be
transgendered" because she doesn't truly consider herself essentially
as such. It is a possibility, especially since for many the true goal
is to become a "woman", and eventually shrug the "transexual" aspect
of it.

Aly
Alexis Rene said…
Bri said...

Hi Aly,
I'm not convinced that we, as transgendered individuals, can ever shrug the
place where
we came from... after all, both genders exist in different amounts in us all
implicitly. To
negate the esistance of one or the other compleatly throwws out the balance
which we all
seek to complete our personal spectrums. As we have from the Asian Yin Yang,
entwined,
yet seperate parts of the whole, within each part of the wheel is represented at
it's center
the circle of the other, representing the harmony of balance.
If we are to truely one day come to full terms with our nature, then we revolve
in this life
with that dichotomy of the two parts of that whole spirit, deeper imbued with
that very
inner core of that opposite "anchor " which keeps the whole from blowing apart.
Laney seemingly, it seems, is a fake. If indeed she sought out the nature of
her being
which caused a possible full SRS, then the male part would have found it's place
in the
structure of the organization of her life and become empowering to the balance
of what
was meant to be...just my thoughts... that energy doesn't just go
"away"...right?

B ~
Alexis Rene said…
From Adara ...

Could it be that Lany is just a bitch?... oh wait, my dog has more class than that... I wouldnt put Lany in the same place as my pooch... muddies the water...

Some serious debate about Lany's lack of growth and maturity... but I guess it is good to go there just the same. Lexi, I admire your beauty, both inward and outward - it is truely Lany's loss that she has not evolved beyond the knife she wielded to change her appearance. You are more generous with your time and energy to even give her plural comments - her loss is our gain. I loved your comment to her Michele, as usually, pointed, poignant and perfect - can't buy that anywhere. Bri, I am still waiting for your dictionary...lol... you challenge me to be more creative and don't let language get in the way of trying to say something... Darla, you have a style and flair that always leaves me awed... I love your class. Aly, your generous heart washes over the wells of compassion... I absolutely loved talking with you IRL the other day... like i said, you take me to new places. And Felicia... your reply to Alexis is exactly what i have come to expect of you (forgive me - i try not to have expectations - lead to disappointment) eloquent, and graceful. I totally agree that what you wrote here deserves to be posted on GE. I will reserve my complete comments for when you do.

I am now back home from my northern work place and readjuting to civilization again. Kinda a bad thing every time i make it back... I went shopping yesterday and picked up about about a dozen new outfits to the tune of about a 1000 bucks...yikes, dont tell my wife! I just needed something to wear for vancouver next week...lol...wish you were all coming with me - next time.

I hope we are still chatting on thursday?

love you all,

Adarabeth
Alexis Rene said…
Arianne said ...

Hi Felicia,

Thank you for this very insighful response, it even made me re-
evaluate the reasons for turning off, long ago, my own URNA ratings.
(Hey, I can write Spanish too, kool!). Here are the results of my
reflexions.

The ratings were turned off because I felt no need or satisfaction
to be compared to anyone else. We are all a 10 until proven
otherwise by selfish comments like Lany Nicole Kershaw did. The fact
of receiving a 10 or a 5 or a 1 did not make a difference at any
level in my interaction (or lack of) with any of my new or old on-
line friends, so what was the point anyway.
About a week ago, I even posted a picture on Hot or Not like many of
us here, just for the kick of it. The same feeling of unnecessity
came right back and I turned it off the next day. I felt fine with
myself and did not need a quantifying number to tell me so. Then
again, that's just me.

To answer your question on rating others, the few times that I did
was because I liked the person and I knew she enjoyed the game.

Alexis, thanks for sharing this babe. I usually listen to angels
myself. They are often wiser. You'll know for next time maybe...

Kindest regards,

Arianne
xoxox
Alexis Rene said…
Felicia said ...

Hello Arianne,

I appreciate hearing your enlightened views on this topic and am
glad that it stimulated you to reevaluate your decision about the
ratings.

With Warm Regards,

Felicia
Alexis Rene said…
Wow ....I am thinking the this sparked an interest or two...

The main key I wanted to bring to light was the "boys in dresses" comment she made
however prefaced it a little different.

Jenna, Yes I wondered too if it was a ghost profile however prior
to the thing when urna had to requalify the lower case pics she had
a full set up(Not that alone quantifies real or fake) .... But yes
her yahoo profile does sounded
masculine~ish....Maybe she really does live in a bar down under with
and double fisting some Fosters....

Felicia, With her I don't think she was a competitive sort of
soul....particularly with me as hands down she blew the hot o meter
off the charts ! My thoughts on her lack of reciprocation were that
she was getting hit on so much she deleted all foreign e-mails
assuming the worst...But then again why be in a public forum thingy
site just to blow off 99% of the people ? So it was after I went
through messenger and saw her response via her logging into urna was
the tell tale sign that all in all ...She was just a arrogant bitch
as you mentioned with the queen of the world chip on her shoulder
thing.

Oh and as for your question on the list for the ratings .... I
would check all of them ... I even rate everyone over at Hot or Not
10's just to get through more pix quicker lol ....But that is just
me .... As far as ratings or associating a number with a person
there is not one accurate way to do it that would satisfy everybody.
Ratings are the "eye of the beholder" sort of thing...What is
golden to one may be a trinket to the next...
I am at Hot or Not right now ...First week I was a 3.1 Second week
I am at a 7. something ...So an avg. of a five and I am happy with
that!

Michele, My comment to Laney was going to echo something of the
sort of what you wrote and thought about doing it daily until she
responded;).... However her response is quite evident with leaving
urna. So with that in mind I would assume she was real in the aspect
a masculine man would have hunkered down to a fight of sorts
so...Know what I mean?... So yes Lauren you were very right in
saying let it slide but for someone of the Gender spectrum to
say "boys in dresses" and a different class is unforgivable in my
mind...
Particularly when it was unprovoked verbally by anyone prior.... Her
rudeness and arrogance the downfall...

Brie, I loved the "toe the line" comment...Very cool !

Aly, While I understand with what you are saying with being
accepted as the woman we strive to be after transition and
separating from the previous transgender associations...This has
been noted/echoed by so many others in various web groups books
etc. "that xyz girl was just great right up to s.r.s. and now we
never hear from her" and so forth. I really do undertand that aspect
as one's thoughts proceed to normal day to day living and not the
shunned transitioning world previously known to them that may have
caused them despair and pain.
I guess my question is when we evolve are we closing the door on
something we shouldn't, Essentially turning the light off on those
in the hallway behind us ? However in contrast just because someone
has conquered their own gender dysphoria aspect personally doesn't
relegate them to years of public service to others ... I can truly
see & feel both sides...

Adara, I do hope we are chatting Thursday again .... Any seconds or
umm thirds to this ??? BTW thanks so much for the compliment :) Oh
and yes I have a Brie~speak dictionary that I was going to auction
off on e-bay...Any takers ? lol Just teasing Brie ya know I luv ya ;)

More back to Aly again, I was in that boat too you speak of with
lets get evrything anatomically correct then I can face the world
with my newly found & perceived personna."rush rush rush" My thought
behind this was that was my personal downfall.(Or the biggest
downfall?!) Although to this date I am as natural as I was born in
the years past I have researched and tried to find the absolute
quickest way to get to the other side if that was truly to be my
destiny I wanted it to be as quick as possible. As I mentioned in a
past article why does someone have to "approved" if this is truly
what is inside.
What I was NOT graspingwas mentally most would not/could not cope
with that.(Myself included)

One of the things I have learned recently and forgive me if I am
repeating myself is that the beauty of a person comes from within
not the outer. I met more "passable" girls at SCC than I ever
imagined. Their passability came from within & spoke volumes to the
outer irregardless of how they visually looked.

So my personal lesson from ALL of this is that time is the best
equal
librium known. As it has worked out in everyway possible. :)

I do want to thank everyone who posted here to this subject in
whatever way. I truly appreciated all thoughts(actions?!?!)
pertaining this :)

With much love and admiration to all, Alexis
Kristy Dantes said…
phew!!!!! my profile is http://profiles.urnotalone.com/24166 .....I was afraid for a sec you were referring to me!! (heehee)

Alexis, you look great! Take care, and we just have to catch up!

Kristy
Alexis Rene said…
Hey ya Kristy,

It has been a long time and it certainly has been a long while since I checked this article. I will get in touch with ya via regular e-mail soon.

As for this article. I feel I need to revamp it and consolidate some things. When I first received the responses above I felt validated in my thought process, but now I see all I have accomplished is a "dated" writing that is not relevant to helping anyone, inside nor outside of the circle it was written in.

I am still grateful for every single response and have had an addendum, though separate from this writing in the same vein sitting in a file. Maybe the "dated writing" does serve a purpose for timelines and tracking ones growth and evolvement over time.:)

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