Saturday, March 10, 2007

Claiming Responsibility

Thank you Juli Roxx for sharing your perspective on my recent article "Is She Friend or Foe?". I love it when different views are brought because it only stimulates my mind further. You've made a few points here which I'd like to comment on...

Juli: "The article suggests that all that counts is what you think about yourself and to ignore obvious facts that are genuine problems and most difficult to deal with."

I am not suggesting that "all that counts is what you think about yourself", I am saying "the most important opinion is the one you hold of yourself"... big difference. Other people's thoughts and opinions might count also, depending who they are to you and how you feel about them. Yet if you consider yourself in a horrible light, most likely everyone else will consider you in a horrible light as well. Whereas if you claim the responsibility for considering yourself in a positive light, still many will consider you badly, but at least some will be able to see and appreciate your worth.

Juli: "Is it really true that if you pretend everything is okay, you are happy with your life and love how you are being treated that it will come to be?"

Certainly "pretending to be ok" when you are not ok, would be living in denial. Yet there is a difference between responsible acknowledgement of challenges vs. catastropic dwelling in them. Indeed, if you can find ways to be happy with your life, as painful as it may be, and if you can find ways to appreciate those precious few who do treat you well, life will at least start to feel a bit better. By claiming responsibility for your own positive state of being, you will at least open the door for good things to happen for you. I'm not saying everything will be perfect, I am saying it would be a refreshing first step in a healthier direction.

Juli: "Unfortunately how other people feel about you is the most important part of one's self-esteem. A person operates and acts on feedback from other people."

This again depends on how you feel about yourself. It does not have to be true that your self-esteem is completely hinged on others opinions of you, although I know that many if not most people feel similarly. Yet be aware that you are choosing something completely beyond your control upon which to base your entire self-concept, so it is no wonder you are frustrated. By expecting others to give you self-esteem, you set yourself up for certain failure.

If you want anyone else to see anything of value in you, and give you positive feedback, you must first see that value in yourself. If you can see no value in yourself, no one else will either. As much as you seem to want to give away your power and responsibility, self-esteem does in fact begin and end inside of you, no one else can give or take it. Therefore you must be the first to see that value in yourself. Through times when it seems like you might be the only one who sees that value in you, when it is most challenging to keep your self-esteem intact, that's when it is most critical not to let yourself down.

Juli: "You know you are going to fail because it has been demonstrated to you time and time again."

If you go into any situation "knowing you are going to fail", then you will definitely fail. If you see yourself as a failure, then in this moment you are a failure. Sadly, it will not turn around for as long as you "know you are going to fail" and such attitude guarantees a long hard road built on failure after failure. Only if you can begin to perceive yourself as capable and deserving of success do you have any hope of achieving it, although I am not saying it would be instantaneous or easy, just a necessary first step to get off the path of failure.

Juli: "I'm sorry but when I really love myself and know that I am a wonderful and privileged person, I'm still very likely to encounter non-acceptance, difficulty finding and keeping my needs for employment, relationships, family, love, sex and other things a person really requires to live a happy fulfilled life."

Indeed, you are still very likely to encounter all of these injustices, hardships and prejudices. All of these exist in the world, and you have virtually no control over them. The only control you have is how you deal with them as they come along. Are you going to let challenges destroy you, or are you going to keep marching forward through life? Just as your expectancy of failure, if you anticipate crisis, hardship, pain and lack, this is all you will get time and again. With an attitude of positive expectancy and inner self-worth, you will at least be strong enough to get up off the ground every time someone knocks you down.

Thank you again Juli for your comments, and I wish you all the best.

Love & light,
Michele

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Is She Friend or Foe?

The following was inspired by conversations with a dear friend who has been crossdressing since his early teens, and presently continues to struggle with guilt, shame, repression, denial... I hope to give this person and any of you who feel similarly, a more accepting way to relate to your inner woman. You are so beautiful, if only you could see what I see in you....

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Dear one, for the past couple of years I have been delving into the psychology of what you are feeling. I have been connecting with special souls who endure the same inner bondage that you know all too well. I have a deep level of empathy for your plight, and from my vantage point, my wish is to convey to you a sense of peace surrounding who you are inside. If you will permit, I will show you a different perspective on this aspect which you have fought so hard against all of your life.

You tell me you wish these feelings were not part of you, and essentially if you could make your inner woman and her desires cease to exist, life would be much easier. This is all very true, yet I suspect that you have spent the last 30+ years wishing she would leave you in peace, trying to stifle her, ignore and deny her, shove her away in a box, yet never managing to quite rid yourself of her presence. I suspect that if it were possible to eradicate her, you would have done so long ago. So let's assume for a moment that she is an integral part of you, one which can not be permanently evicted under any circumstance.

With this in mind, you have two choices… to embrace her, or resist her. In either event she will continue to exist within you, the main difference is how she will make you feel inside and the consequent impact on all other areas of your life. Recognize and embrace her and she has the capacity to bring you inner peace and expanded awareness. Deny and resist her and she will bring the demons of guilt and shame to haunt you.

You can spend the rest of your life trying to crush this aspect of you, or you can reach inside and harness her feminine power in ways that lift you to new heights of awareness and understanding. You can perceive her as a negative element of yourself which is dirty, wrong and shameful… or you can recognize her precious value to your authentic self. Only you have the power to shift your perception of yourself. She can be your greatest gift or your worst curse, depending on how you treat her.

While it is not essential to come out and reveal your truth to anyone unless you choose, it is poison when you lie to yourself, deny yourself, hide in the shadows of your own mind, closed off from your inner light. In such a state of internal misalignment, you slowly whither and die inside, or you spontaneously combust, whichever comes first.

Taming the inner shrew can be a life-long civil war causing endless turmoil, or it can be a harmonious union between your inner male and female working together to function as a more complete human. Once you have acknowledged and accepted this aspect of yourself, you will quickly begin to feel a greater sense of control over your own life and desires.

I urge you to be the first to have compassion for yourself, and embrace your inner woman as a legitimate, valuable and worthy part of you. This does not mean she must become a predominant part of your life, or that radical changes are required, that you should transition, or that she should even necessarily show up on your surface. These are personal choices and each person is different. Rather I am saying that you will feel instant relief the moment you stop fighting and shaming her, and instead begin to celebrate and love her. You are actually very blessed to have her, whether or not you believe so right now.

You are being given the opportunity to foster the self-worth to be True; your reward is transcendence of the shame, guilt, and self-loathing you have felt, into a new light of inner peace, self-acceptance and tranquility. The choice is yours exclusively, only your heart can guide you to what feels right for you.

Love and blessings,
Michele Angelique

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Feeling Good is Your Birthright

Feeling good is your birthright, and no one can take that from you, in the name of love or otherwise. If you are not happy, you are not empowered to be the best you can be, not living a fulfilled existence, nor able to serve at your highest capacity. An unhappy person is less equipped to overflow with love, less apt to bring joy to others, less likely to excel in other areas of life. This is why your #1 priority in life is to feel good, to love yourself first, so you can fill your heart to the point where your love overflows to the benefit of everyone around you.

Only you can choose your thoughts, your responses, actions and ultimately, your feelings about any given circumstance. No one else can think for you, feel for you, sense for you. While you cannot control all that is brought into your life, you solely control how you choose to feel and react. Amidst a plethora of conflicting options and objectives, the main guiding force should be how you feel inside… follow your bliss, reach for joy, direct your energy to what feels good to your heart, always.

The more aligned you are with your true inner source, the more connected you feel with the abundant stream of well being that life has to offer. The farther away you have drifted from your authentic self, the less tapped-in you feel, the more vacant, void, disconnected. How you feel is a perfect indicator of whether or not any given path is leading in a direction that will please you when you get there. Pay attention to your emotional guidance, it is the eternal voice of wisdom within you.

Whatever makes you feel good, gives you a warm sense of comfort, brings you inner peace, or stimulates your evolution in a positive direction, is where your energy should be focused. Pursuit of joy in life is your responsibility to yourself. You are not in this life to suffer or be punished. Living in closeted misery, denying oneself of the right to joy, will not ensure the happiness of anyone else, either.

The more receptive and in-tune you are with the vast non-physical You, the more alive, more passionate, more authentic and more inspired that you feel. By allowing your true self to shine through while moving in the direction of your bliss, you claim your birthright to joy. It is from this place of connection to your inner light, that nothing stands between you and You.
With love and blessings,
Michele Angelique