Monday, June 26, 2006

Signs

Not a day went by that in the last five years that I didn’t recognize and evaluate my life as a TG. My most profound insights came from getting out and intermingling with all types of people, gay, straight, trans, and tourists – they deserve a category of their own, don’t they? Gaining clarity is not solely from how people interact with us, but rather how we interact with them - in our varying degrees of presentation. Did I act or feel different with people depending on whether I presented myself as male or female? The observations aided me in learning about “who I am,” as a person in general, and as a transgender person in particular

Most of us seem to have begun the gender discovery journey down the same path. Along the way we rejoice that first day when we realize that there are others in the world just like us: we're not alone! Yet in large numbers it becomes more apparent that "they" are sometimes “not the same as me.” Like most things in life there are varieties to everything, even transgender people. So while we as trans-people can can barely comprehend ourselves as a group, the mainstream is totally lost when looking at the many branches of the gender tree. So, how can one know who they are or where they fit on that tree? First, it is important to understand that you don't have to "be" any certain way, or fit into any certain space. Unfortunately, most people, both in and outside the community get lost if the box that we supposedly belong to isn't outlined in chalk. My own journey has taken me from one end of the gender spectrum to the other, in and out of various boxes, and for me, although the discovery part of the journey was difficult, the knowing part was harder.

What I mean by that is that once you find the answers to the questions you seek, there is no more exploration needed; only for you to make a decision on how to live the rest of your life, based upon that which you have come to know. If the gender journey was a highway we would all recognize many of the stops; “fetish lane,” “Cross Dresser Ave.” “Gender Fluid Parkway,” and Transsexual Road.” And although I got off at the last exit, the gender journey isn’t really a roadway at all; it’s a maze, that when you first enter doesn’t appear to have any clear directional signs.

But when you look at the obvious from a slightly tilted perspective, you begin to see things you walked right past at an earlier time. You may be able to make some distinctions based upon what you like to do, but that doesn’t necessarily represent who you are. Discovering who you are is a deeper journey, one that you may or many not want to make. Discovering who you “are” is complicated by the fact that the lines are blurred and at the same time you are often trying to untangle your sexual orientation as well. “Am I a straight man that likes to cross dress, a gay man in denial, a lesbian, or am I attracted to men because I’m a straight woman”? There are as many combinations as there is imagination, and the deeper you go the more complicated it becomes. So, one might ask, “How do I find my way”?

Since we emulate -- or in some cases feel we are – woman, we should follow their example. When they find themselves in an unfamiliar place they simply stop, ask directions, and then follow the posted signs. Throughout the maze there are many people to talk to, and signs to follow. But, like any one taking a survey can attest to, the answers you get are only as good as the questions you ask.

Some people aren’t really looking for the truth, but they are looking instead to validate the fantasy they’re chasing. If you are not open to the truth of who you are and not willing to go where ever that path leads, then odds are you won’t see any of the signs along the way. But, if you are open, then there are signs everywhere. No doubt some of you have had, or thought about having, sex with men. Of those that do, many will state that they only enjoy men “as a woman,” therefore they are straight. Sometimes people can get so caught up in the label being “straight,” or “gay” that they miss the substance and significance of what any of it means. If you are engaging in sexual activity then you should be asking yourself what it is that you’re enjoying about it. Are you trying to “feel” more female by emulating what woman do? Are you enjoying the sexual act – detached from the role it represents? Have you engaged in sexual activity with a woman when you were emulating one? And if not, why? And if so, then why do you need or want to have sex with men?

Other thoughts would include analyzing your attraction to woman. Do you want to be with them in a lustful way, or do they simply catch your eye and make you feel fuzzy inside because you appreciate and want to be them? Surprisingly, differentiating between the two is not as easy as it sounds. When you are in a relationship with a woman, do you find yourself critiquing her? Always checking out her clothes, her movements, or her physical attributes: face, lips, legs, rear or shoulders? Perhaps you are living vicariously through her, because in some way she is who you believe you are (as a woman) or want to be.

These are questions that can last for years, and require repeated investigation to find an answer. What was true yesterday may have chengd with time and experience. Many times getting to the core of your sexual orientation can actually help you determine your gender identity. When you concentrate your mind on one thing, often clarity can suddenly appear for another. When you finally do get all the answers about yourself, then you will be faced with the hardest part, “What do I do about it?

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Ver the past five years not a day went by

Over the past five years, not a day went by that I didn’t recognize and evaluate my life as a TG. My most profound insights came from getting out and intermingling with all types of people, gay, straight, trans, and tourists – they deserve a category of their own, don’t they? Gaining clarity is not solely from how people interact with us, but rather how we interact with them - in our varying and various degrees of presentation. Did I act or feel different with people, depending on whether I presented myself as male or female? The observations aided me in learning about “who I am,” as a person in general, and as a transgender person in particular

Most of us seem to have begun the gender discovery journey down the same path. Along the way we rejoice that first day when we realize that there are others in the world just like us: we're not alone! Yet in large numbers, it also becomes more apparent that "they" are sometimes “not the same as me.” Like most things in life, there are varieties to everything, even transgender people. So while the mainstream can barely comprehend us as a single group, it would scare the hell of them to know that there are many branches to the gender tree. So, how can one know who they are or where they fit on that tree? First, it is important to understand that you don't have to "be" any certain way, or fit into any certain space. Unfortunately, most people, both in and outside the community get lost if the box we supposedly belong to isn't outlined in chalk. My own journey has taken me from one end of the gender spectrum to the other, in and out of various boxes, and for me, although the discovery part of the journey was difficult, the knowing part was harder.

What I mean by that is that once you find the answers to the questions you seek, there is no more exploration needed; only for you to make a decision on how to live the rest of your life based upon that which you have come to know. If the gender journey was a highway we would all recognize many of the stops; “fetish lane,” “Cross Dresser Ave.” “Gender Fluid Parkway,” and Transsexual Road.” And although I got off at the last exit, the gender journey isn’t really a roadway at all; it’s a maze, that when you first enter doesn’t appear to have any clear directional signs.

But when you look at the obvious from a slightly tilted perspective, you begin to see things you walked right past at an earlier time. You may be able to make some distinctions based upon what you like to do, but that doesn’t necessarily represent who you are. Discovering who you are is a deeper journey, one that you may or many not want to make. Discovering who you “are” is complicated by the fact that the lines are blurred and at the same time you often are also trying to untangle your sexual orientation as well. “Am I a straight man that likes to cross dress, a gay man in denial, a lesbian, or am I attracted to men because I’m a straight woman”? There are as many combinations as there is imagination, and the deeper you go the more complicated it becomes. So, one might ask, “How do I find my way”?

Since we emulate -- or in some cases feel we are – woman, we should follow their example. When they find themselves in an unfamiliar place they simply ask directions and then follow the posted signs. Throughout the maze there are many people to talk to, and signs to follow. But, like any one taking a survey can attest to, the answers you get are only as good as the questions you ask.

Some people aren’t really looking for the truth of them, but rather are looking to validate the fantasy they’re chasing. If you are not open to the truth of who you are and not willing to go where ever that path leads, then odds are you won’t see any of the signs along the way. But, if you are open, then there are signs everywhere. No doubt some of you have had or thought about having sex with men. Of those that do, many will state that they only enjoy men “as a woman,” therefore they are straight. Sometimes people can get so caught up in the label of being “straight” or “gay” that they miss the substance and significance of what any of it means. If you are engaging in sexual activity, then you should be asking yourself what it is that you’re enjoying about it. Are you trying to “feel” more female by emulating what woman do? Are you enjoying the sexual act – detached from the role it represents? Have you engaged in sexual activity with a woman when you were emulating one? And if not, why? And if so, then why do you need or want to have sex with men?

Other thoughts would include analyzing your attraction to woman. Do you want to be with them in a lustful way, or do they simply catch your eye and make you feel fuzzy inside because you appreciate and want to be them? Surprisingly, differentiating between the two is not as easy as it sounds. When you are in a relationship with a woman, do you find yourself critiquing her? Always checking out her clothes, her movements, or her physical attributes: face, lips, legs, rear or shoulders? Perhaps you are living vicariously through her, because in some way she is who you believe you are (as a woman) or want to be.

These are questions that can last for years, and require repeated investigation to find an answer. But many times getting to the core of your sexual orientation can actually help you determine your gender identity. When you concentrate your mind on one thing, often clarity can suddenly appear for another. When you finally do get all the answers about yourself, then you will be faced with, “What do I do about it?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Working Through Transitions

Permission to Simply Be

The elation we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a big breakthrough can sometimes be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this period of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next. Many people, during the pause between achievements, begin to wonder what their life is about. These feelings are common and strike everyone from time to time. Human beings are active creatures-we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week, or even a month simply existing and not having a plan. Just be. It won't be long before you embark upon your next voyage of growth and discovery.

The quiet lull into we which we fall between ideas, projects, and goals can make life seem empty. After accomplishing one objective, you may want to move immediately on to the next. However, when your next step is unclear, you may feel frustrated, disconnected, or even a mild depression. You may even perceive your lack of forward momentum as an indicator of imminent stagnation. To calm these distressing thoughts, try to accept that if your intent is personal growth, you will continue to grow as an individual whether striving for a specific objective or not.

Spending time immersed in life's rigors and pleasures can be a cathartic experience that gives you the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next. You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way. The mindful transitional pause can take many forms. For some, it can be a period of reflection that helps them understand how their life has unfolded. For others, it can be a period of adjustment, where new values based on recent changes are integrated into daily life. Just because you're not headed swiftly to a final destination doesn't mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. The stage between journeys can become a wonderful period of relaxation that prepares you for the path that will soon be revealed to you.

www.dailyom.com

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Visions and Ideals

"YOUR VISION IS THE PROMISE OF WHAT YOU SHALL ONE DAY BE;
YOUR IDEAL IS THE PROPHECY OF WHAT YOU SHALL AT LAST UNVEIL."
~ As A Man Thinketh, by James Allen

In the original Chicken Soup for the Soul, Jack Canfield tells the story of Monty, who was the son of an itinerant horse trainer of little means. During his senior year he was assigned a writing project to describe what he wanted to be when he grew up. His seven-page essay minutely detailed the 200-acre ranch he wanted to own. It included a diagram of the ranch and a detailed floor plan of his 4,000 square foot home.

Despite the passion and effort Monty put into his paper, he received it back with a large “F” written on it and a note to see the teacher after class. The teacher told Monty that the reason he had given him that grade was because his paper was unrealistic. He went on to cite all of the reasons why, and told Monty that if he would rewrite the paper with a more realistic goal, he would reconsider the grade. After considering it for a week, the young man turned in the same paper with no changes, along with the remark, “You can keep the F and I’ll keep my dream.”

The conclusion of the true story has the teacher bringing 30 students for a summer campout at the 200-acre ranch of the now grown (and successful) Monty who lives in his 4,000 square foot dream home.
If it worked for the son of an itinerant horse trainer it will work for you.

The principle is simple:
(1) Create a dream that is so big that it will keep you excited,
(2) Define the dream in minute detail,
(3) Live in the dream so that it becomes real to you on the inside,
(4) And then hold on to it so tightly that no one can take it away from you.

James Allen goes on to offer this great wisdom in his book As a Man Thinketh, “Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals... for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, and heavenly environments; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.”
~ e-Meditations by James Allen, author of As A Man Thinketh

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The Melding of Gender Polarity

"Right now, on this planet, one of the things that's going on with the earth...is a blending action that you can share in. There's beginning to be a meld of masculine and feminine.

Those attributes of your gender that you've taken for granted -- 'one gender is this way, one gender is that way...[and] they'll never get together in thought' -- is beginning to change. Each of you is here in one gender, so we ask you to begin to accept the attributes of the other.

You just thought [that] I asked you to look at another person, didn't you? No. I want you to see the attributes of the other gender in YOU.

You exist with the ability to meld a healthy balance of both genders within yourself to allow you to understand, and therefore co-exist, with the other gender on the planet. It makes you a far better Human Being to have a balanced mind of both polarities, even though you're the obvious biological gender of only one of them.

Let me tell you what this balance does. It brings humanity closer together! It's called consciousness melding, and it's the start of another Human consciousness change on the planet.

[It has been] talked about the yin and yang coming together and creating something you haven't seen before...a new kind of Human balance. You may not fully understand what we're telling you at this moment, but we're telling you something that some of you are beginning to feel -- women becoming stronger - men becoming more sensitive -- together, looking at each other differently and sharing the planet far better for it.

Stop seeing each other as 'opposites' or as 'adversaries', but rather as spiritual family. Stop seeing the other gender within you as a weakness! Begin to understand how each of you needs the consciousness of the other.

The result? The balanced Human Being is now able to see an overview of balance because she sees with different eyes...ones that are walking in the other's shoes, and ones that have awesome self-worth!

Blessed is the Human Being who sees the planet's glass as half-full, and who understands that the changes on the planet are needed and necessary..."

Kryon,
"Self-Worth", August 2003

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

FORGET YOURSELF

Watch the greatest dancers, dance. The moment is free flowing and true. The true dancer utilizes the space around them to communicate a message. When we understand that message, we are in awe and lost, having forgotten we are watching a dance at all.

One could think that the dancer is the reason we feel in awe. But that is only partially true. We love the dancer for dance itself. In fact we hardly see the dancer, what we are really seeing is intention through movement. We may marvel at watching the one in the moment, and admire the skill and form, but a good dancer has forgotten themselves and we will not notice their act.

We experience the moment the dance was created for, and the meaning, and the authenticity all seen unconsciously and felt with the heart. Once you see the dancer dance, or the actor act, the moment is forgotten and the intention has disappeared and the connection to all things is gone, and all that is left is the performer in a moment of expressive poverty.

Everyday we live our lives as a dance. Each day is a performance. How will I dance today? Will I dance from my heart, or will I show my life choreographed and scripted for the mere approval of others?

Amara

"When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself." --Shunryu Suzuki, *Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind*

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Darkness and the Duality of Humanity

GenderEvolve

"The core of the duality of humanity, self-worth, features a balance of energy...the balance of 'dark and light', yet [it doesn't] mean what you think. Some have called it a balance of energy. Some have even called it old and new. But none of those labels are [actually] correct.

Instead, [it is] an energy quotient, a seesaw of added and subtracted attributes created in much the same way as a puzzle...a puzzle that creates a struggle of one kind of energy with another. For eons, this particular self worth balance in the Human Being has been biased toward the 'dark side'.

[In fact,] there is nothing on this planet more evil or more dark than what is possible to conjure up in the human mind!

There's no evil that stands by itself on the planet. All evil is contained in the consciousness of humanity. There's no dark entity or group of entities that stand around waiting for you to slip and fall so they can take you away or capture your soul. Such stories are fear based and do not reflect the magnificence, power, or responsibility of the true Human situation.

But there is darkness, isn't there? It's created with free choice by those Humans who choose to take their consciousness to a darker or denser side. So...the darkest place on the planet is therefore what Humans have created by choice.

Remember this: You are creators of energy. Humans have the power to create darkness just as they create light. There's no judgement about this from anything around you, so the very elements of the planet will actually respond to this kind of energy and create the kind of dark magic that so many Humans are afraid of, and what many feel comes from some kind of dark place or storehouse of evil. It doesn't. I comes from Humans.

Also...dark and light are not equal energies. If you have a dark place and light comes in, darkness does not creep away into another dark place. Instead, it's transformed! Of the two, light is the only one that has an active component and a physical presence. You cannot 'beam darkness' into a light place! It can only be the other way around. This is because they aren't equal. One is the absence of the other."

~~Kryon, "Self Worth", August 2003

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Healing Emotional Self-Abuse

Self-abuse can start from unrequieted love, abandonment, or rejection early in childhood. Many times when we do not receive something we really need or want, or when something dear to us is taken away we feel cheated and rejected by the universe. Our inner child screams out in longing and doesn't understand why it can't have what it needs. Frustration and conflict manifest, and feelings of unworthiness start to creep into the subconscious mind. This starts a chain of emotional reactions that inhibit the creative flow of life within us, and what we really desire in life becomes even more inacccessible and remote.

Somewhere during this succesion of events, the thought or belief that "I can never have this in my life", "I'll never be able to achieve this kind of success and relationship", or "I'm not good enough" begin to take over in the subconscious mind. We begin to feel emotionally paralyzed, our power to move beyond that thought pattern, beyond that belief is frozen in self-doubt and fear.

Self-abuse begins at that moment in our belief system when we have lost the faith both in ourselves and in the universe to create all that we need for our happiness and fufillment. If we cant' create this fufillment on earth, how are we going to find it somewhere else? The search starts and ends with your SELF. No one else holds that key; not a mother, a father, not your lover, husband or wife. Only you and your God Self can open the door to love and freedom.

Self-abuse is also a denial of some part of ourselves, a vital part of ourselves that we choose to ignore, a vital part of ourselves that is not seen as attractive, loved, or accepted into our reality. When an emotion or a strong feeling is projected unto the child by the parents as 'unacceptable', the child automatically withdraws into a self-protective shell (in the solar plexus) and internalized the emotional denial. This denial eventually crystallizes into a fear or blockage in that area, especially if those emotions are not encouraged to be expressed, explored and handled without judgement or punishment.

If left unattended, thse same forbidden feelings and emotions will resurface in our adult relationships and in our career, until we heal the abuse and judgement connected with that emotional experience. It's a question of giving ourselves permission to look into areas of ourselves that we have never been encouraged to explore, much less accept. Our parent's fears and denial patterns unconsciously projected themselves into our emotional body during our childhood and many times we absorbed these judgements and fears into our subconscious like a sponge.

For our healing, what we learn to do later in life is to literally re-parent our childhood, and re-pattern our feeling world by giving ourselves full permission to explore those hidden, forbidden regions of ourselves that were held previously in denial, judgement, and fear. This is why it is so important not to judge ourselves for having any repressed emotions, as judgement creates an even greater barrier and separation between ourselves and the abuse within us which we hope to heal. Judgement is an emotional reaction of shame, fear, resistance, and separation. It is a statement of non-acceptance.

As human beings, when we don't receive what we need, we "shut off", feel rejected, worthless, and our faith in our own power crumbles.We immediately feel guilt that "I did something wrong, so I dont' feel worthy to receive the love or joy I want." When we entertain this attitude, we begin to feel that "I dont' deserve". Our own value of ourselves diminishes to a powerless and helpless creature. That is self abuse. Punishing ourselves for "doing something wrong" is also a form of self-abuse.

Denying self awareness and holding back the recognition of our deepest feelings, longing and desires, is also a form of self abuse. We probably live in one of the most self-abusive societies in the world, where repression, denial, self-punishment and guilt have all contirbuted to what is called a 'normal, healthy society'. By starting within ourselves, and healing our own issues of self-abuse, we can contribute to the healing of a humanity in great need of awakening, transformation and wholeness.

Written by Aeoliah

Attractive Quotes

Attractive Quotes of the Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Within you is the divine capacity to manifest and attract all that you want or desire."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

“The way you feel is your point of attraction.”
~ Abraham-Hicks

“Whenever you are thinking about Any Subject and feeling good you are attracting it unto you. Whenever you are thinking about Any Subject and feeling bad, you are literally pushing it away from you.”~ Abraham-Hicks

“If you envy successful people, you create a negative force of attraction that actually repels you from ever doing the things that you need to do to be successful. If you admire successful people, you create a positive force of attraction that draws you toward becoming more and more like the kinds of people that you want to be like.“
~ Brian Tracy

"Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything else. You will see it coming into your life when you are unattached to needing it."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

“When you focus on a need you are actually feeling the lack of what you want.”
~ Abraham-Hicks

“By making more decisions, in every day, about what you Want, you will automatically sift through all of the data, all of the words and all of the information that is coming to you. You will receive that which enhances what you want ~ while you will not receive that which does not apply. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, you will feel refreshed. Instead of feeling bombarded, you will feel stimulated ~ and instead of being closed to life, you will be open to life.”~ Abraham-Hicks

"Successful people make money. It's not that people who make money become successful, but that successful people attract money, because they bring success to whatever they do."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

"You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being, not because anybody says so, not because you're successful, not because you make a lot of money, but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

"Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place we must find."
~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

A Matter of Choice

A Matter Of Choice The Law Of Attraction

One of the most wonderful abilities we have is the ability to make choices. We can choose to think positive thoughts or negative thoughts. Likewise, we can make an effort to ensure all our actions contribute to positive outcomes or we can convince ourselves that negative outcomes are inevitable. Such choices can then have a profound affect on your life, for they are the seeds you sow in the universe. Your words and deeds, even the thoughts kept hidden in your mind, contribute to your experience by attracting similar words, deeds, and thoughts because of the Law of Attraction. It is a natural law, as easy to understand as "like begets like" or "what you sow, so shall you reap." It means that what you give to the universe will come back to you, giving you a huge measure of control over the direction and quality of your own life. If you are patient, you will no doubt be able to see the Law of Attraction at work in your own life. To give a simple example, a smile freely given to a stranger or coworker often nets a smile in return, while a scowl directed at the same individual will most likely cause them to scowl back. On a larger scale your thoughts, feelings, and reactions to people and situations subtly change your aura. These changes in energy can act like a magnet, pulling similar energy to you, be it positive or negative. As you walk your path, you can use the Law of Attraction to help you create the life you want to live by making a conscious decision to emit positive energy. If you are experiencing unpleasantness at home or work, perhaps analyze your own treatment of others. If you find yourself under a great deal of stress, ask yourself if you have been focusing on the expectation of stress. Remember that your thoughts, too, can attract positive or negative outcomes. Will you choose to focus on beauty, peace, happiness, and love, or to dwell on the faults of others or the world? It's up to you. Because of the Law of Attraction, your focus can easily become your destiny. Learning to alter your reality by attracting only positive people and situations, or, indeed, anything you desire, will open an infinite number of doors.
© Reproductions Permitted http://www.DailyOM.com

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Other Side of the Law

Further to my recent post, The Law of Attraction, there is one aspect that should be addressed, which is not covered in the video. According to the Law of Attraction, we have the power to shape our lives as we wish. Through focused intent, including mental imagery, conscious thought, and the accompanying emotions that go along with having it already, we can manifest our every dream. This is wonderfully empowering knowledge, which removes the mental limitations we all have for ourselves.

They tell us in the video, that the universe will rearrange itself to bring us that which we are focusing on, for better or worse. It is easy to understand that if we think negative thoughts and feel pessimistic about life, that is what we will get.

What is not so obvious is, in the process of drawing to oneself those positive dreams, other aspects of life which are not in alignment with those dreams, will fall by the wayside. It may in fact seem, as though they are literally ripped away so fast it makes your head spin. This part can be extremely painful! There may be things in life which do not serve you, which cause grief or stress, yet you may not be completely ready to let those things go.

However, when the powerful Law of Attraction takes hold, and the universe begins to rearrange itself according to what you have asked, the transition period requires absolute TRUST on your part that everything is happening as it should.

For example, let us say you have decided to attract a better job. You may in fact lose your existing job first, only to have that better job delivered right on its tail. Let us say you want to have the ultimate love relationship. Your current partner may not be that person, and you may find THEY suddenly leave YOU. The key is to remain unshaken in your convictions, even when the existing circumstance does not fit neatly into what you thought you wanted.

There is a transition period which requires absolute faith in the process, knowing that the universe, in its infinite wisdom, is rearranging itself according to what you have requested. The universe can see what is just around the bend, whereas we must drive on blindly trusting that all we have asked for will be right there as we expected, just around the corner. This is the part they dont warn you about in the video. They do not tell you about the painful losses that may occur, the short-term turmoil that could be caused, nor equip you to deal with those temporary losses as they occur.

This is where I am today. People I love so dearly, to whom I was so attached, are suddenly being torn away from me. I stand back and watch in amazement at their actions and deeds, as they exit my life of their own accord. It hurts so badly, I havent stopped crying for the past 24 hours. Things I wanted so much to be true, situations I had so dearly hoped would unfold, have suddenly sprouted wings and flown away from me.

The only thing I have right now is HOPE and TRUST, that everything is unfolding as it should. Knowing what I know, I have to ACCEPT that those situations and people were not meant for me. They are not in alignment with my dreams, even though I believed they could be. Yet losing them does not hurt any less.

If I can make one recommendation, on top of all the wisdom conveyed by the video, it would be this: When using the Law of Attraction, be sure to envision having a smooth transition, otherwise you may experience what I am now. That is, to have everything start moving so quickly into place, throwing everything else wildly out of place in its wake. If you are not ready for that, try using the Law of Attraction in smaller ways first, rather than going straight for the gusto like I did.

When the changes come, allow yourself to feel whatever pain it is you need to feel, yet all the while repeating to yourself over and over, "let it go, let it go, let it go, it is for the best, just let it go." Have peace in your heart, knowing sometimes short-term pain is required to make room for long-term gain.

With love and light,
Michele Angelique

~~~~~~
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....
~~~~~~


The Law of Attraction

A life changing revelation came to me recently. It is something I’ve always "known", practiced even, yet I was not truly aware of its power. The pieces all came together for me when watching "The Secret" for the first time (available below). This is the secret which has been described by all of the great spiritual masters in history, and by many of the leaders and greatest minds of all time.

In essence, the Secret is the Universal Law of Attraction, through which we create our own reality. We attract to us whatever we think about frequently and feel strongly about, including those things we don’t want, or are most worried about. Whatever we give mental energy to, especially when coupled with strong emotions, will manifest in our lives in some form or another. We draw to ourselves whatever we are focusing on. This is obviously a two-edged sword, for we can use our powerful positive thoughts to create our most beautiful dream life, or we can allow powerful negative thoughts to create a living nightmare for ourselves.

"The Secret" is a collaborative production featuring the wisdom of a diverse group of scientists, psychologists, theologians, physicists, authors, visionaries, along with self-made millionaires, and people who have healed themselves of incurable ills. They provide significant evidence as to the power of this phenomenon, along with everything you need to know about implementing this into your daily life. The secret is a simple concept, yet it is life transforming.

I have always known and used the Law of Attraction, to a greater or lesser degree, although I was not necessarily aware of what I was doing. Yet my current reality evidences its truth, and I have experienced too many unexplainable synchronicities in my life to discount this power. I tend to get whatever I expect to get, for better or for worse.

One story I want to share is the most poignant example of my successful use of the Law of Attraction. It was 1985, I was 12 years old, and my hero at the time was Michael Jackson, whom I had adored for a couple of years prior to that. When I learned the Jackson Victory Tour was going to be in a neighbouring city, I was incredibly excited and asked my mom if there was any way I could go. She told me that unfortunately she was not able to financially afford it, as even the concert tickets alone cost nearly $100 each, on top of transportation and hotel room.
I learned that a local radio station would be holding a draw, giving away some MJ paraphernalia, with the grand prize being two tickets to the concert, along with transportation and hotel room. Mom said the only way I was going to the concert is if I won those tickets, so I was determined. I just had to win those tickets, I was determined in every way.

They had a limit of one entry per person, so I entered the names of all five of my family members (all with the same surnames). There was about four weeks between the time I entered and the draw date. During that time period, I set time aside each and every night, to engross myself in the imagining of having already won the tickets and partying at the concert. I felt all the joy and excitement, as if I were actually there. I also dwelled in the feeling of reverence and appreciation of the “fact” that I’d already won the tickets. At no time did I feel pessimism, frustration, despondency, at the fact that in reality, my chances of winning were infinitesimally small. I didn’t even think about any of that. In my mind, I’d already won, and was excitedly planning my trip, looking forward to seeing my hero at the best concert of my life.

When the draw date rolled around, they mentioned having a very full draw barrel of about 20,000 entries. I huddled by the radio, absolutely expecting my name to be announced. Prior to announcing the grand prize winner, they drew for the smaller prizes first. With an MJ album up for grabs, out popped my mother’s name. She had won the album! Cool stuff! Next prize comes around, someone else’s name was called. The following prize was an MJ poster... drum roll... MY name pops out! I was excited for a second, but then my heart sunk because the contest only allowed only one prize per contestant. I didn’t want the poster, I wanted the tickets! Still, it was rather strange that both my mom’s name and mine had been drawn, and the announcers noted the coincidence.

Next, was the grand prize... lots of drum rolls and suspense… then the announcer says, "ok people, this is really strange, I don’t know how this is possible, but the winner is..." and out popped my 2 year old brother’s name! We won the tickets too!! Three of the four prizes were awarded to my entries, out of a pool of 20,000 names. So, I went to the concert, exactly as I had known I would, in addition to enjoying my new poster and album! My goal was lofty, yet I had attracted even more than I’d expected! I have many other stories of this nature, though this was the most striking of them all.

I’ve always known intuitively of the Law of Attraction, and have used it all my life to draw to me people and circumstances that suit me. Now that I’ve seen everything laid out so clearly in “The Secret”, the potential is truly amazing. Over the balance of my natural life, I intend to harness this power to my fullest ability, and encourage all humans to do the same. This is a most blessed time to be alive, as we are truly the masters of our own destinies. Do yourself the biggest favour imaginable, and take the time to watch this. It’s all here.


With love & light,
Michele



Saturday, June 03, 2006

Coming Out With Us

We often talk about coming out. The fear of potential life altering backlash from friends, family workmates etc., but wht about those that come out with us? Recently, the boyfriend of Harisu -- China's most famout post op- TS -- was revealed to the world. Click for Harisu pics

After having kept his identitiy hidden since they met, the couple decided to reveal their relationship on national TV (in China). The reason, they said, was that they wanted people to see that the love they share is no different than any couple.

As transgender people we should all be aware and respect those that love us, because to do so publicaly means that they are coming out too.

******

Transgender Star's Boyfriend Comes Out
The Chosun Ilbo, May 24, 2006

The transgender celebrity Harisu has finally shown her boyfriend to the world after jealously guarding the man’s identity on previous occasions. In a program on KMTV called "Introducing Harisu's Boyfriend," the singer’s lover was revealed to be one Woo Seung-woo. Readers may see for themselves when the show airs on Thursday afternoon.

Until now the press has always shown Woo from the side or with his features pixilated out to protect his privacy. "In the first and second episodes, my face was shown in mosaic, like I was some kind of a criminal," Woo said. "When I first made the decision to appear, this wasn't the plan, but as we went along it just felt like our image was being distorted."

"Anyway, our original intent was to show people our love, so we just wanted to show everything fair and square," he said. "What we have is a love just like any other, and we will continue to be true to each other."


Thursday, June 01, 2006

The difference between being an American and LGBT

Being an American is not the same as being LGBT. There are three ways to become an American. Anyone who is born in the United States is automatically a US Citizen. For someone who is not born on US soil, as long as one of their parents is an American citizen, they are also US citizens. Finally, anyone who comes here legally, can go through the naturalization process to become an American citizen. So, one is either born an American, or can chose to become one by going through the naturalization process.

However, for LGBT people, there is no naturalization process. Contarary to what some people believe, one does not chose to be LGBT. It does not matter if one or both of your parents are straight, or gay. You either are one, or you are not. I mean, who in their right mind would chose a life/lifestyle that is ostarized by most societies, condemmed by many people, and in many cases, caused the LGBT individual to loose their family and/or career? Isn't it human nature to want to fit in with the crowd? I'm sure that most of you would agree that life would have been a lot easier if you were not LGBT.

So when people send me emails asking me to support Gov Schwarzenegger's veto of SB 1437, I could not agree with them. Since my initial post last month in our Yahoo group, I've received several emails asking me to support the Gov's veto. Some common threads of what people send me exhorting me to support SB 1437 are:

1. "If this bill passes, it would require that all school districts teach about the
homosexual/lesbian, transgender, etc., lifestyles and that this info be included
in textbooks"
2. "accomplished artists, scientists, educators or philanthropists are they way they
are not because of their sexual orientation but they are gifted"
3. "for the government, Department of Education (DOE) in particular, to mention sexual
orientation in books is unfair to society"
4. "sexual orientation should occur at home and not be mandated in schools" and
5. "sexual orientation is a private matter and it should stay that way."

There were things I agreeded with and things I disagreeded with.

In reading the bill, I saw nothing that says schools have to teach LGBT lifestyles. The bill simply adds LGBT individuals to list of minorities whose contributions to the early history and development of California should be studied..., with particular emphasise on portraying the role of these groups in comtemporary society. What is the fear of the bill's opponents here? Are the people who are opposed to identifying a historical figure who happens to be LGBT afraid that knowing we exist would make their children want to become LGBT? From what I know of comtemporary society back in those days, it was not very friendly to any minority group, much less people who are gender variant. So all I can see is the textbooks showing how people of all types can persevere, survive and even prosper under harsh conditons. Neither do I believe that acknowledging someone's sexual orientation is the same as advocating a LGBT lifestyle. Both France and China had historical figures who were crossdressers. France had Joan of Arc, and China, had Mulan. Both fought for their country as men. Joan of Arc was captured, excuted and cannonized as a Saint in 1909. Mulan survived and returned home. I don't see where studying them gave France or China any more crossdressers individuals that the rest of the world.

As for successful people being successful, not because of being LGBT, but because they are gifted, I really don't have a problem with that statement. In the grand scheme of things, there are all types of factors which come into play before one is sucessful. Even if one slept there way to the top, they need some talent to say on top. So why identify successful people who happen to be LGBT? Simple answer - Role Model, but only if they are publically out of the closet. I do not believe in outing anyone who is in the closet.

Our youth need positive role models. It's difficult enough going through puberty as a hetrosexual teenager; how much more difficult is it for a teenager who is LGBT? The mainstream media does not always portray LGBT people in a positive light. Parents and other family members may or may not be very understanding or supportive. I believe learning about, knowing there were successful LGBT people out there would have positive impact on our youth.

Lets look at three famous (at least to me) Chinese Americans - I.M. Pei, architect, Ang Lee, Hollywood director, or B.D. Wong, actor. If I knew nothing about them, all I would see is a picture of three Asians. There is no way to tell from their pictures if they were Americans, or gay. So while I could take pride in them being sucessful Asians, I have no clue if any of them were Americans, or gay. This goes back to what I said in the beginning - Americans, & LGBT cut across all ethnic/racial lines. There is no way to tell from a picture if someone is an American or LGBT. Now, while I believe I.M. Pei and Ang Lee are American citizens, they were both born overseas so I do not know for sure. OTOH, I know B.D. Wong is a American citizen becasue he was born in San Francisco. He is also gay, in a committed LTR with his partner of over 15 years, and raising an adopted child together. I know this because B.D. Wong is open about his sexual orientation and life. Thus, if I were a young gay Asian, someone like B.D. Wong would be a positive role model, BUT ONLY IF I knew about that side of his life. Under current CA law, if a textbook was to mention B.D. Wong, I may never learn that he was gay.

Since there is no 100% surefire way to tell by looking at a picture of someone, whether that indiviual is LGBT or straight, I feel their orientation should be identified if they were out of the closet already.

As for requiring the government or the Dept of Education to mention sexual orientation in text books being unfair, I feel it is unfair not to mention it. The exclusion or marginalization of an entire race or class of people in the educational system meant sends a negative message about those people to the children in school. How much worse was it for the children who were members of the marginalized groups?? I can remember when I was young, wishing I was white; of being ashamed, embarassed to be Chinese. I definity knew what is was like to be 'different,' to be picked upon, to be called derogatory names and made fun of simply for being Chinese. It did not help that Chinese were rarely if ever deplicted in a positive fashion in our textbooks/history books. We were seen heathens & drug/opium addicts, never mind that Buddhism is 500 years older than Christianity, or that opium was introducted to China in massive quantities by the British who, until they got us addicted, had to pay for their tea, silk, china, spices, etc., with hard cold silver. China's contribution to the world - paper, gunpowder, the compass, were barely mentioned in western textbooks. Obviously as bad as they deplicted us, this was no where as bad as how blacks or Native Amricans were treated or deplicted. So until forced to change after the advent of civil rights, American school textbooks deplicted a white euro-centric verison of the world.

Those feelings of adequacy took a long time to overcome. Civil rights and the advent of ethnic history books - black, asian, latino, etc., helped me a lot cause I now had resources (in english) to develop ethnic pride. But I had an personal interest is learning about this because I was Chinese. Do you think the white kids I went to school with, had any interest in learning about ethnic histories after they finished school? How many of you continued to learn on your own, other than required continuing educaion in your profession, after you finished high school or college? So, for most people, all they had was the biaised history they learned in school and that would have been what they would have passed onto their children if our schools didn't teach about diversity. Teaching diversity in the schools provides a evenhanded way to do it which can be monitored. Our country was founded on 'life, liberity and justice for all,' not 'life, liberity and justice for all' except...

If we were to teach history without mentioning someone's sexual orientation, how we we teach people about the life of Harvey Milk. He was the first openly person elected to public office in the United States. This was before San Francisco became the gay capital of the United States/the world. How can you mention him without mentioning he was gay? How can you explain the White Night riots in San Francisco after his assisan was only found guilty of manslaughter and given a 7 year sentence.

Even withing the history of the civil rights movement, there is anti-gay bias. Most people have heard of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Stockely Carmichael, and Malcom X, but very few people ever heard about Bayard Rustin. Yet, he was one of Dr. Martin Luther King's advisors and helped to organize the 1963 March on Washington. Why didn't we hear more about him? Because despite all he did for civil rights, he had two strikes agains him - he was gay, and he was a member of the Communist Party in his youth. Because of this, his contributions have rarely ever been acknowledged.

It will take more than simply mentioning someone is LGBT in our history and social studies textbooks to stop racial and sexual biases. The internment and relocation of Japanese Americans from the West Coast during WWII was outright racism hidden behind war hysterial. Current text books acknowledge this, and the Fed Government apologized and paid token reparations to the survivors. Yet 60 years later and almost 40 years after the begining of the modern Civil Rights movement, there were talks of rounding up Arabs and Arab Americans after 9/11.

American culture and society is not homogeneous. We need to teach our children tolerance because Americans come in all different races, colours AND sexual orientation.This diversity should be acknowledged in our text books. Othewise, like Baynard Rustin, the LGBT contributions of public figures may never be recognized.

As for sexual orientation being private and remaining at home, I could not agree more. But acknowledging a historical or public figure's sexual orientation is not the same as mandating it. There is not way you can force someone to be gay,or straight. People either are LGBT, or are not. All the talking or teaching about it won't change one thing about their sexual orientation. But it might give people a better understanding of what it was like to be different and ostarized, and maybe lead to a little more tolerance of people who are different from the mainstream.

In the end, I really should thank those people who emailed me urging me to support the Gov's veto of SB1437. They served as a catalyst for me to think this through and solidify my thoughts as to why I should support the passage of SB 1437. Those of you who are California voters and agree with me should let the Gov know. Those of you who do not agree that this is something the schools should teach, let us agree to disagree.

Our Seven Unsung Heros in Vermont

I want to draw attention to the surprising fact that seven people resigned their official positions with the Vermont Human Rights Commission, in protest of Gov. James Douglas' May 17th decision to vito the new gender identity nondiscrimination bill. The bill had been already passed by Vermont's state representatives and senators after careful consideration over a four year period, yet Gov. Douglas felt unspecified concerns and used his power to crush the bill.

While grave disappointment is warranted in Gov. Douglas and those four who supported his vito, it is worthy of recognition that one upstanding Comissioner and six staff felt so strongly against his decision, they actually quit their jobs in protest. Today, the following letter was published in the Vermont Times Argus newspaper, to which I sent them a response which is appended below.

Despite the apparent backward-step in the vito of this important bill, the fact that these seven good citizens felt so strongly against the injustice as to quit their jobs, is a sign that real change is near. There are leaders in political office who truly care about justice for transgender people, and are willing to fight for what is right.

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Ex-panelists blast gender-identity veto
Vermont Times Argus - June 1, 2006

We, the undersigned former commissioners and staff members of the Vermont Human Rights Commission, write to express our concern and dismay with Gov. James Douglas' decision to veto the nondiscrimination act, which would have added gender identity protections to the state's anti-bias laws in the areas of employment, housing and public accommodations.

Of particular concern to us, and to the commission's mission to protect the civil rights of all Vermonters, is the May 17 vote by four of the five members of the Vermont Human Rights Commission, all Douglas appointees, urging the governor's veto. We offer our support to Charles Kletecka, the sole dissenting commissioner, who resigned in protest over this distressing vote.

The nondiscrimination act was first introduced in the Legislature four years ago and, contrary to the governor's statement justifying his veto, was passed with strong three-party support after well-reasoned consideration by our state representatives and senators.

The governor's veto, with the support of the human rights commissioners, based on amorphous "technical implementation concerns," fosters continued prejudice against people whom Kletecka refers to as "a much misunderstood and maligned group of Vermonters." The protections granted by Vermont's proud history of anti-discrimination laws should not be thwarted by continued misperceptions and fears about people outside the mainstream of the Vermont community. Instead, our laws should reach toward greater inclusion, acceptance and understanding. Douglas' veto and the supporting vote of his appointees to the Human Rights Commission, erodes these important goals.

As former commissioners and staff of the Vermont Human Rights Commission, our hearts are heavy.

Emily Joselson, Gar Anderson, James Morgan, Sarah Judd, Susan Sussman, Mike Powers

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To which I replied as follows...

On behalf of gender variant people around the world, we want to extend sincere appreciation for this commendable stance taken against the Governor of Vermont, Mr. James Douglas, in regard to his vito of this important nondiscrimination bill.

The vito was based upon his perception of "technical implementation concerns", despite the fact that the bill had been examined over a 4 year period and met with "strong three-party support after well-reasoned consideration by our state representatives and senators".

Gov. James Douglas, along with four of his own appointed Commissioners, vitoed the bill without any legitimate justification. This is a case where a small group of five "important" people are standing in the way of social justice, impeding the needed progress toward equal and fair treatment of all people.

We are writing to express sincere admiration and appreciation for ex-Commissioner Charles Kletecka, for being that one dissenting voice on the panel which ordered the vito, and who because of his strong morality and high ethical standing, resigned his position over the injustice of this matter.

We also wish to thank the additional six brave upstanding ex-staff of the Commission who resigned their own positions, and authored this press release. To Emily Joselson, Gar Anderson, James Morgan, Sarah Judd, Susan Sussman, and Mike Powers, we are deeply grateful for the powerful stand you have taken.

Please do not let your hearts be heavy, be proud that you did what you know to be right. You are taking a stand against the continued discrimination, hatred, and prejudice toward gender variant people. It is because of brave people like you that we, the people, keep the faith for a better tomorrow. It is only those leaders who sit in silence that convey apathy toward our plight. Whereas, when even a small group such as you will go against the status quo and stand up to help us, we know that positive change is on the horizon.

Charles, Emily, Gar, James, Sarah, Susan and Mike, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Knowing that people like you exist in this world gives us renewed hope.

Sincerely yours,

Michele Angelique
www.genderevolve.com
on behalf of "The People"