Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Of Ponderance & Predjudice...

(by Brielle Echo Whitney)
I have to ponder a question here as well this evening, and it is both humorous, multi dimensional, and fecund in the proportions and profound depth it plumbs in my psyche.
After returning from SCC, I found that the need, though always extremely strong, to the point of compulsion in my brain to see the world as viewed from a female vantage, and the oft times uncomfortable yet oxymoronic reality in which I work, when in context of occasionally being teamed with other apes, which I sometimes tolerate, is that of an almost exclusively male dominated field.
That in and of itself bothers the Bri in me to no end, SHE WHO IS, who would much rather dance or paint or sing is tucked neatly away behind that mask of maleness, yet continues to direct, even though that façade is a well built brick & mortar edifice which I’m beginning to believe was created by her . She governs the left brain in me. “He” also lives there... I’m completely lopsided...lol Only the left brain & autonomic functions seem to work optimally...The integration though which has been happening steadily over the years of these 2 layers of existence has brought a mofongo or mélange of the bispirited being... He reads Bazaar & Elle before going to bed. Today she noticed a small amount of pink polish on her nails as she dismantled & reconfigured a live 2000 amp electrical service. She made a nice creative dinner...He picked it out so that she would stay thin... ;D He and she both had a verbal knock down drag out fight with the ex which he married, but she is not fond of, and is very glad that she’s gone...worst in 10 years of living seperate lives which once a month crash head long down usually to a stalemate...my two voices are then teamed as one in this tactical partnership, so to speak, The void of unconditional love has never been filled, except for this inner partnership, Acceptance, nurtured, and given that freedom not have to search for reasons why, I do have to give kudo’s to the cats though...lol if only they could talk...what a tale they’d spin...lol
Now, synchronicity or coincidence...? You decide... I had called someone whom I had done seriously high end work for , many or some at least of these homes would have been, I liked to imagine, perfect outlets for my mind to wander & envision the stage set with the Bri in me seriously owning / belonging in Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut...lol
Here’s the point... I was speaking to this man, younger than myself, richer than a young god, and ask what’s going on...he replys that things are well. He asks me what I’ve been doing. I say that I’ve just been on a holiday. Where he says. Atlanta I say. He asks why did I choose to go there... I said that I went to meet a girl... there is a pause... out of the blue he then asks me...”did she have a dick?” I know he likes porn, I hate his male objectification but am not judgemental. That is his right, and unfortunantly the level of his lack of understanding...life is a process of learning that never stops, there is hope for him yet...;p
A wave of goosebumps shot over me, and I calmly answered she is a very beautiful person, and indeed she was anatomically correct. Where did THAT come from I wondered to myself?...As he laughed on the other end of the phone, I’m sure he , knowing him, was just kidding around. The Secret Garden is fairly well hidden...but curiously and not... "we" look alot alike... I make a wish..., not everyone needs to know...not yet anyway... He asks me to come work tomorrow, & our conversation ends...The rational mind, thinking of this afterwards, launched into a series of rotary questioning... yes, indeed, I went to meet a girl, was it our GG, or was it me? Or my T sisters..? All roads I concluded led to yes, SHE exists, in various permutations. She did have a dick, AND no she didn’t. We all are correct. And yes to all of those, Michele, you friends, me.
I do believe that I went to meet “her”, and finding that sisterhood amongst this fold, again, Her reality becomes apparent, as vital to survival as breathing, and in as much as this is but one in infinite reality within the big mystery of life, the universe & everything (thanx Douglas!), This is, there are, and there would be no realities at all without nurturing this gift of female union.

2 comments:

Michele Angelique said...

Wow, Brielle that is a synchronistic coincidence, I’ll say! I find it interesting that this person asked the question in response to you mentioning Atlanta. Most people in the TG community are aware of SCC in Atlanta in September, and so it is quite possible this guy is a member of the community, whether he is TG or admirer. Nonetheless, try not to read too much into it or assume too much. Just wait and see if he says anything else before drawing any conclusions. There is a remote chance it was just an off-handed joke on his part, pure random coincidence. Definitely strange though, and I applaud your smooth answer that she is “anatomicly correct” because it covers all bases. After all, “correct” is a matter of perception. We are all correct in our own right.

I know of what you speak of here, the unleashing of SHE WHO IS, the union of sisterhood, the need to exist in our most beautiful form. You say “there would be no realities at all without nurturing this gift of female union”. Indeed, this special bond between women is a gift among kindred spirits which is more easily expressed while in feminine form. The characteristics of sisterhood, such as empathy, compassion, emotion, trust, self-expression, are those very traits which are discouraged in men. But when you shed the male role, the emotional boundaries come down, and the characteristics of sisterhood and feminine love become possible. The bond between you and “SHE” is something to be nutured, and perhaps she can become integrated with your maleself over time, if that’s the right thing for you.

The way you express your bigendered nature is remarkable. You say “my two voices are then teamed as one in this tactical partnership, so to speak, The void of unconditional love has never been filled, except for this inner partnership, Acceptance, nurtured, and given that freedom not have to search for reasons why”. This is the type of self-love that we should all aspire to. The inner partnership of unconditional love and acceptance of oneself. In our very own hearts is where it all begins, and through the love and support of our sisters is how it evolves.

Thank you so much for sharing your insights.

Hugs and love,
Michele

ps... who is Douglas?

Michele Angelique said...

BRIELLE SAID:

Hey Sis,
LOL "Douglas" is Douglas Adams, author of The
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy... Insightful, &
proufoundly amusing... ;D A writer whom I wish was not
"hitchhiking now"...;D One of the books in his
"Trilogy in Five Parts " was titled Life, the Universe
& Everything" I was just giving credit where credit
was due... ;D...it's only right, right? ...;D

TY for your thoughts, I appreciate so much the love
that you show us all, you are truely a beautiful
soul.. Have we met before?...wink..:D... I've got
another rabbit to pull out of my **** in a day or
two... ;D Let me roll it to ya'...

Love ya in spades !

Bri