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Showing posts from March, 2008

Comfort Spending & Fantasy Masturbating

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I am cleaning out my closet and spare rooms and re-organizing them. I have come across a lot of things that I want to donate to the Battered Women's Shelter here in Akron, Ohio. While cleaning, what struck me was not how much useless things I have accumulated over the past years, but WHY I acquired them in the first place. I thought about it all after noon and now I am writing my journal to confess that I was guilty of "Comfort Spending". In the beginning, my "activities" of expressing "Chloe" were limited to my bedroom mirror. I would spend a lot of time looking into it and not much of anything else. (My oath to truth in these blogs forces me to confess that I still spend to much time in the mirror - vane bitch.) I would experiment with different looks, dabble with make-up - you know, the usual things we do with our wives things when they are not home. Gawd how I loved these times... Things were so much simpler then. Before I understood myself; befor…

What's a GEM?

Dear Sisters,

I miss our conversations and thought I would initiate a discussion and
hoping that you would share your ideas.

I am still in the ongoing process of self-identification. I am also at
that age and point in life where I wonder if I will transition beyond
the modest steps I have taken thus far. I have not taken further steps
because to do so, would likely pose more of a cost than a benefit to
me and my loved ones. In an ideal world, I would choose to have a
female embodiment because I am so struck by feminine beauty and want
to possess those characteristics that I am attracted to. I will admit
that I am envious of beautiful women and transwomen.

On the other hand, I don't think I would be satisfied becoming an old
and unattractive woman and I do embrace my male side and am very
grateful for its contribution to my personal development. I am not
sure where these feelings leave me in terms of the gender continuum. I
am not sure I can say my essence is fully female or male but I have
many f…