For the Parents, Relatives, Friends, Professionals and Supporters of Transgendered individuals.
No matter where you are with your own personal level of understanding or comfort level of Transgender people, following these simple and basic principals you can show respect and make the Transgendered person in your life feel that you DO care and are trying to understand them, which in turn can be the foundation for building and restoring bridges and lines of communication toward healing, harmony and love.
Remember that all your actions and words about or toward someone Transgendered, serve as a role model for those around you – especially children and teenagers. Showing dignity and speaking intelligently will be infectionous on others around you, spreading knowledge and promoting unity throughout the world.
Trans-Dignity 101
Demonstrate your respect for the Transgendered by using their correct name and pronouns which match the gender for which the TG has requested to be identified as, regardless of their outside physical or verbal identity being presented, and also regardless of YOUR personal opinions or religious morals. Remember: It’s not about you – it’s about showing respect.
If Bob asks to be calls Betty, respect “Betty’s” wishes even if Betty wears Bob’s Clothes. This can vary on each person’s situation: If in doubt, ask: “How may I address you now?”
Old habits are hard to break – TransGendered people know and understand this; making a mistake and calling someone by the wrong name or pronoun is ok, so long as you ARE sincere in your attempt to correct your error.
Show by your demeanor that you ARE sincere; let them know that you acknowledge respect their request and DO know the correct way they would like to be identified in their chosen gender by correcting yourself with the new name and pronoun. HE/SHE, HIM/HER – these habits are hard to break but will only change if YOU make the effort to try.
It is understandable that you may be confused or uncomfortable with these changes – Understand though THIS is your issue: not theirs. Many people change their first, middle and even last names everyday; we respect these request without question. Why would a Transgendered persons request to change a name be any different? A Transgendered person that corrects you is not out of line by asking you to refer to them in the correct name.
Understand YOU are doing ALL of the following to a Transgendered person when you rebuke or deliberately ignore their request to be identified and acknowledged by their new name and pronouns:
- Slandering: You are legally and mentally causing damages both personal, finical and professional when you cause confusion in their lives by calling someone by the wrong name or gender.
- Endangering: Like any minority, you can be unknowingly endangering both the Transgendered person, their kids, family, co-workers, and friends by attracting hate crimes of attack or retaliation from bigoted and religious individuals who seek to fire, ostracize from church, schools and neighborhoods, harm and even KILL Transgendered people and those who associate with them.
- Inflicting Pain & Humiliation: Mental and physical pain is suffered by Transgendered people from the traumatizing effects of having to deal with
the crushing rigged and narrow minded by being referred to as something they are not. It is painful and humiliating to Transgendered people to be called by their old name or gender or to be referred to in the wrong pronoun; to do so purposely is abusive and arguably negligible to the mental & physical well being of a TG Individual. - Perpetuating hate and discord: Ask yourself the following questions:
- Is it your goal to hurt and humiliate someone you love & care for or are friends with; for that matter to anyone for any reasons?
- Is it your goal to create animosity, stir rumors and road block any attempt at harmony, education and peace between you, the family or work environment which involves a Transgendered person?
- Is it YOUR way or NO way? Are you being a bully for no reasons at all, except out of your ignorance?
Many great philosophers have offered wisdom for the ages, but we need look no further than the great Yoda of the movie Star Wars when he said:
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
How can you help?
These are a few of the more important aspects that if adhered to, will serve to promote healing, harmony and love.
- Act immediately when you hear negative comments among friends, family, Co-workers Neighbors & children; do not use negative comments yourself.
- Incorporate lessons in showing respect with other relationships such as extended family when discussing issues concerning TG individuals.
- Practice asking respectful questions before a Transgender comes to visit . Preview respectful behavior among other guests, family, co-workers before the visitor comes.
- Help others to avoid negative or patronizing language.
- Handle conflicts by listening, thinking, staying calm, and reaching thoughtful solutions.
- Model fairness in all your dealings with Transgender people, even if they are unclear or invalid in their thinking or behavior. Remember the “Big Picture”.
- Help Transgender individuals to build their self respect. Some may feel inadequate and/or unattractive because they cannot proceed or travel as quickly in their journey of transition because of financial or medical restrictions.
- Compartmentalize your feelings: Remember not to use someone’s “TG” issues as the trump card for all that is wrong in yours or their life. It is NOT the root of all evil. You can show respect and promote harmony by increasing lines of communication by focusing on “the issue” at hand and not white washing it with being Transgendered.
Participate and support.
The most important aspect of demonstrating dignity is to be supportive to a Transgender person in their journey. TG individuals take steps at different paces that will fluctuate depending on the support levels given around them.
Road blocking, ignoring or degrading an individual that is Trans says more about YOU than them. Again, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. You may not agree with their choice, but neither they nor you stopped being human. It is also important to remember that being Trans is NOT a choice – it is a human condition of chromosomal scientifically proven variation of human cellular structure.
Get additional help by attending counseling and seeking answers from professions that deal specifically with Transgendered related issues.
Mission of Dignity
Dignity is not something that need be earned or with held, rather it’s an inherit right to all of Gods creatures and a demand put upon us by the Lord to show one another.
Thank you for taking the time to read and understand a bit more about we the Transgendered.
I invite you to please leave a comment here in this Blog to promote discussion and offer additional insights on how we can continue a mission of dignity.
-Chloe Prince
Updated: 01/13/2008
Related article on "WikiHow": How to Respect a Transgendered Person
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1 comments:
Chloe darling,
Thank you for adding this and your previous insightful and informative posts to GenderEvolve. I really enjoy reading your perspectives. Your writing and participation is greatly appreciated.
Hugs,
Michele
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