What is Feminine?
We often make reference to "feminine", an energy that many of us admire and/or aspire to on a daily basis. What I am pondering at the moment is - what does it mean to be feminine? How do we define femininity?Although there are some basic generalizations about the term, beyond that there is tremendous diversity of what is deemed feminine. If we set aside the notion that only biologic women can be feminine, if we separate physical from gender and say that both males and females can possess femininity, I query what is this coveted quality we aspire to? What is feminine, and how does our self expression change when we become more feminine?
Focusing on the positive aspects of femininity, I'd like to give a few ideas of my own, a non-exhaustive list of what I deem to be feminine characteristics and how we show them, and hopefully get some feedback from you reading this.
I think transgendered women, be they part time or full time, have an abundance of inner feminine. Many have told me that transformation is like letting their true self "come out". But what are these inner feminine feelings? When we "let our femininity come out", what does this mean?
For me, these are some of the positive internal feminine qualities that I aspire to…
Emotions/Communication – having the ability to show my feelings and talk honestly about them, possessing active listening skills, opening up and being my true self.
Empathy/Tenderness – being attuned to subtle details about people, putting myself in others' shoes, treating people tenderly with kindness and non-judgement.
Nurturance/Compassion – wanting to take care of my people, be they family, friends, loved ones, less fortunate people and animals, feeling maternal instinct and unconditional love.
Sensuality/Intimacy – showing the softer side of romantic erotic affectionate feelings, welcoming intimacy, being receptive and letting go of control, understanding feminine sensuality and the subtle details upon which erotic femme fantasies can dwell.
Cooperation/Gentility – working together with others, instead of competition, focusing on synergistic group dynamics, possessing feminine gentility and social graces.
These are a few of the real authentic feminine gifts, of which women, transwomen and men can partake. You don't need to look feminine to be feminine, but for many of us, it helps.
Please share your thoughts and ideas. Let's not worry about being "sexist" because we all know that both women and men can be feminine. What is your idea of "feminine"? What helps you to bring out your feminine side? What do you admire most about feminine people?
Comments
Several years ago I was compelled (by many factors at the time) to attend a seven day intensive self-improvement workshop. The goal of those who wanted me to go was to "heal" me of this crazy notion of being a woman. After six days of intense psychological breaking down and building up we spent the rest of the last day being "reprogrammed" to express various severe emotional reactions to the horrors of this world.
After this whole time of them trying to convince me that I was a man, they finished off the workshop by stating "We must feminize the world!" Even then I knew that they had missed something vital.
In fact, I think that it is a misnomer to even delineate between the masculine and feminine "sides". Are we not all existing to some degree as an integrated complement of feminine and masculine energies? The draw is not to, intermittently, express your feminine self by dressing or presenting as female (if generally male), or vice-versa. The real need of all human beings on this planet is to accept that logic often is misplaced in our assessment of who we are individually, and that genetic disposition is not the foundation of one's gender-oriented _expression. We are, daily, representative of both the masculine and feminine, and are healthier persons when we allow that integration it's full _expression in whatever genetic shell we inhabit.
It is, and has been, unfortunate that men who identify at the extreme end of the gender spectrum tend to associate such important reactions to fellow human beings such as compassion, communication, et al as being exclusive to the female aspect, not realizing that this same female energy exists within them. But, like all things we don't understand, they get locked away in some emotional basement, and what thrives are the cold, logical, deadly responses which deplete the senses and deteriorate the host and all he comes into contact with.
Masculinity is nothing without femininity, and the two cannot exist exclusively, one without the other to compliment it would only show as a deficiency.
While some people feel physically displaced in the attempt to discover balance in their energies, it is not always the case, and I think that is the reason many men fear allowing society to percieve their feminine energy - the idea that it would be presumed that they were inclined toward becoming women, or possibly homosexual, when neither option compels them.
So, the beginning of the reparative journey begins with anyone and everyone in the knowledge of the soul of humankind and the acceptance of the truth of our created substance. Yes, it is a spiritual journey. The healing of the spirit.
Unfortunatly I think the majority of biological males on this planet spend most of their lives ignorant to this balance or perspective of themselves, or waist most of it hating everything that reminds them of it. Due I think in part to social presures that we are programed with from birth. But to get back to the subject, this is a great question.
First I would say that to be Feminine to me is more a Spiritual matter rather than phyisical. For me personaly, to be Feminine is to understand and respect the Sacredness of Life. Though my phyisical body cannot emulate the gift of giving birth, I do understand and cherish the process and the gifts of the Feminine perspective. In respecting the Earth, the Great Feminine and Mother of us all. Who continues to give birth to an abundant endless spiral of life and resources for our very exsitence.
For me personaly I think it has been and still is for that matter, a prosess of un-learning and releasing what I truly feel is a natural desire to reconnect as a whole with Life itself. For me, to be Feminine is to cherish and respect all life and not to see its diversity as a threat, but as a True Gift. Because I believe the diversity of Life is our strength and greatest treasure. All things change and are different.
Expecting things to be alike or stay the same we make comparisons. Then judge those things against one another or ourselves. Which only brings the darkness of self delusion. But there is a light of understanding and an even greater Light of Love, that with a balanced perspective we can all truly appreciate the Gift and True Beauty of Life.
This True Beauty comes from Within. To me personaly this is the Feminine way.
Lately I have been listening to music that is more of the goth/rock genre, typically led by strong female voices who are very feminine in my view. Although seeing a simple picture of them on stage as an example of femininity wouldn't fit the typical storybook romantic tale of what it should be defined as. As a matter of fact, I met a girl this morning who was a manager of a dept. store who carried a very strong personality, dressed androgynous(though wore some really cute boots), hair & m/u were casual as she is taxed from working the Holiday season that seemed to care less how or what people may have thought of her expression of gender, but I felt a very strong resonance from her that could only be understood as feminine.
If I had to define one attribute that may have some validity from my point of view may be that a feminine trait would be the tendency to smile & can show a broad range of emotion without saying a word, where as those at the opposite end of the spectrum seem more reserved in this nature.
I do have a completely out of range question of this writing but related on some scale. Has anyone noticed how many of the younger drivers are female driving the guys around? Not so long ago it was the guy who was to have the car and take the girl where she needed to go as well as date's and things of that nature. The perception being that the drivers seat is in command as a friend of mine has put it, are the sterotypical gaps between male and female closing in perception with the younger generations? :)~A~