Showing posts from October, 2005

Damnation Aly, Pt. 2

(by Alysyn Ayrica)
Stability. That oh so elusive standard of living which most women desire, but very few actively seek. Somehow the dramatic turmoil seems to bring about the romantic drive within us, sparking our earliest imaginings of what that Cinderella story would entail.

Just as boys want to wield their sword and shield and battle the dragon, girls imagine the storm waves of passion crashing about them making love’s embrace all the more thrilling.

But life is rarely like that, is it not? Our movies are merely condensations of the collected commonalities and only rarely are they singular scenarios.

So the quest becomes this: how to reconcile the nesting and nurturing instinct of an innately identified woman with the distinct wanderlust of a very confused and unresolved masculine persona…no, stability is not so easily established.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”(Bible; Book of Proverbs)

In struggling with my internal identity I realized that,…

Broken Vessel

(by Alysyn Ayrica)
Again, though I wrote this a month ago, I keep coming to this place. It seems to know me by name, and often asks me to stay...

Within a chain of events sometimes comes the realization of one's worth and relevance. These things are never hidden, except in the context of personal perspective. Desire and need often supplant truth in claiming the vision and distorting one's self-assessment.

An earthen vessel, ornate and craftily created, is often looked upon as a thing of beauty. Set upon a pedestal it creates an atmosphere of delicacy and sophistication. Yet, in truth, it is merely a container. It's purpose at creation was to accomodate something of true worth...even something as seemingly simple as life-sustaining water.

What Is to be done with the vessel when it is shattered? Does it not depend on the artisan? Is the original purpose of the vessel relevant?

Many times the potsherd speaks more voluminously than the vessel unscathed. In it's pristine state i…

How to guarantee a broken heart...

(by Alysyn Ayrica)

In recently cancelling a profile and blogspace I realized that there were still areas of concern in my life which hadn't been fully reconciled. The following is reposted to this forum as a way of presenting the same quadrous misgivings I have to an, obviously, more thoughtful group for further consideration...


So how does one pinpoint the exact time to begin opening yourself up to the possibility of being in love? In the case of one being purposefully disconnected to protect vital emotions from being constantly assaulted by the carelessness of others, how does the time become recognizeable when those barriers must be necessarily moved aside to allow the sincere and loving complement to migrate to your very core?

When dancing along a precipice, eventually the fear of falling must subside and become a known inevitability. How often is it safe to test the limits of our standing? Is the ground at the end of the cliff firm enough to tempt standing closer, still, to…

Feminine Influences

(by Felicia Conti)
"The person(s) in my life who most influenced or most helped me with the development of my feminine side is......................"

The person in my life who most influenced the development of my feminine side was probably my mother. She was an amateur actress who played the leading lady parts in a number of plays. I remember sitting in the theatre as a young boy when this steamy woman would walk out on stage and everyone would be entranced by her beauty. Was this the same woman who I called “mom” and who only hours before had been preparing my dinner? I remember trying on her clothes and wondering if I would ever be transformed from what I considered to be “ordinary” to “special”? Second in line, was probably my sister who developed at a fairly young age into a real beauty. She had lots of cute girlfriends and lots of guys calling on her constantly. She also had lots of clothes that fit me. Maybe I could learn to be beautiful too? I think that I learned some…

Who's really passing?

(by Marlena Dahlstrom)
Ran across a striking re-thinking of the "passing" issue by Lacey Leigh, author of "The Successful Crossdresser." Lacey points out that despite what we'd like to think, few of us will be mistaken for GGs. If we're not read, it's more that people either don't notice or don't care. Consequently:

"I measure my success as a crossdresser by the number of people I encounter who (if they bother to notice at all) recognize me as a man in a dress but regard me with the same degree of indifference they award any other stranger. If they treat me the same as everyone else, they pass."

Seems like the right attitude to me.


Revelation… Maturation… Evolution

(by Adarabeth Veau)

Joining Gender Evolve was a big step for me… as a student of life –
an experience junkie, especially the high adrenaline kind – I used
to think I really had it all together. But I knew there was one major
element that was missing. Adara. Her development. Her
validation. Her impact and her yearnings to be known.

And now I know why.

My earliest recollection of Adara started before she even had a
name. At five she was trying out her mothers lipsticks and
other `pretty' things to see how they looked, to see how they felt.
Always in secret though – with tough brothers and a heavy fisted
father she was not going to get caught doing something `unmanly'.
By 12 I was buying my own lipsticks and clothes. And occasionally I
would get caught but somehow managed to avoid a beating… at least
most of the time. By 20, Adara wanted more and more to be noticed
so she eventually made it out to the public eye… but still appeared
the saucy adolescent.

Now she is reaching a higher state of evolv…

Of Ponderance & Predjudice...

(by Brielle Echo Whitney)
I have to ponder a question here as well this evening, and it is both humorous, multi dimensional, and fecund in the proportions and profound depth it plumbs in my psyche.
After returning from SCC, I found that the need, though always extremely strong, to the point of compulsion in my brain to see the world as viewed from a female vantage, and the oft times uncomfortable yet oxymoronic reality in which I work, when in context of occasionally being teamed with other apes, which I sometimes tolerate, is that of an almost exclusively male dominated field.
That in and of itself bothers the Bri in me to no end, SHE WHO IS, who would much rather dance or paint or sing is tucked neatly away behind that mask of maleness, yet continues to direct, even though that façade is a well built brick & mortar edifice which I’m beginning to believe was created by her . She governs the left brain in me. “He” also lives there... I’m completely Only the left brain …

Am I destined to be alone forever?

(by Jenna Taylor)

Every now and then I ponder the meaning of my existence. Now, this sounds all philosophical and heady, yet it’s simple nothing more than, "Will I spend the rest of my live alone?"
I tell myself "I don't want to live by myself!" and until last night, I was looking at it the wrong way. For you see, what I was saying to myself was, “I don't want to live with YOU", meaning ME! And if this was actually true, then, did I need fixing'? I mean, can I be ready for someone else if I'm not ready for me?

The last 8-10 months of my sentence on this planet have involved some pretty in-depth examinations of my past, my present, and my future. Though these "probes" to the center of my soul have been ongoing for several years, before now they were very superficial. Never before had I "taken a hard look in the mirror". Like most crossdressers, it’s a quick passing glance on my way somewhere or just a reflection in another objec…

Damnation Aly, Pt. 1

(by Alysyn Ayrica)
Well, I guess this is a hell of a way to start. I’ve been in kind of a writing slump lately, so please bear with me if I’m not all that prolific right out of the gate. Despite the fact that I have a zillion topics sloshing around in my skull, a heap o’ responses to so many of the brilliant posts I’ve been reading here, and a poem or two that I’ll spare you the trauma of actually having to trudge through, I can’t seem to, of late, generate the appropriate sentences structures to approximate a coherent thread.

So, I began to decipher what I know about human behavior regarding the impetus to converse fluently…only to discover the one thing that seems to draw the average person into focused verbal interaction…have them talk about themselves!

Will it work? Let’s find out…

Children have a tendency to function as a genetic reflector. My son is everything I should have been growing up…reserved, contemplative, easy going, assenting. My daughter is everything I actually was…emoti…

Misogyny Makes The Man

(by Marisa)
She’s on the parade ground, hearing “Listen Up, Ladies!”
She’s on the playground, where she “throws like a girl.”
She’s in the bathroom, taking “longer to get ready than I do.”

Her name is Nancy, or maybe it’s Sissy (most any name ending in the “si” sound will do). She answers to Gay—but it’s an alias. Though rarely seen to “wear a dress” or “put ribbons in her hair” it’s frequently suggested that she ought to.

This girl is a whirlwind! She’s everywhere; everywhere that legs are crossed just so, everywhere nails are examined the “wrong” way, everywhere appreciation of romantic comedy is expressed (indeed, where appreciation of anything is expressed with a bit toooo much enthusiasm). It’s a wonder she has the energy to flit about so; subsisting—as she does—on a diet of salads, quiche, and “girly drinks.”

She’s weak. She’s timid. She’s vain, fussy, fickle and teary-eyed. In short, she’s despicable, and utterly lacking in all traditional manly “virtues.”

Who is she? Nobody really. J…

Our Family Bond

(by Michele Angelique)
Over the past several months since starting GenderEvolve we have bonded, both as a group and individually. In addition to sharing friendship and trust, we have walked alongside one another’s personal journeys. Each of us has evolved as a result. Through this process of sharing thoughts and experiences, light is being shed where there was none before. We are collectively finding the words to define ourselves, our identities and our values. Through this unification of purpose and collective vision, we are working toward common goals. I feel our collective voice can only grow stronger every day. The work we are doing here at GenderEvolve is very special indeed… dare I say, evolutionary?

Since the beginning, I have felt connected to you. Our interactions have been enlightening, uplifting, quite often profound, intense and almost always very candid. Whether by virtual presence or in person, the connections among us have deepened to a degree where the only fitting descr…