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Showing posts from 2005

Why Dress Up and Go Out?

(by Felicia Conti)

Someone recently asked the question as to why transgendered women like to dress up to the 9's to go out on the town. Here is my attempt to answer that question from my vantage point.

Can you imagine having a magic wand and waiving it and entering through a port hole into a whole other existence that is filled with enchantment, glamour, excitement, and admiration from others? Women are such lovely creatures especially when they dress up and amplify their physical attributes. Honestly, I am envious and admiring of my true female sisters for they have been gifted with subtle influences that go beyond the obvious power of domination that males possess.

For me, going out enfem has to do with attaching to the power of the experience, to have a piece of that magic that women possess through their feminine beauty and charms, to morph into a higher essence.

Shades of Pink

(by Devi) A word about the title - 'shades of grey' sounded rather depressing, and not particularly relevant to the vibrancy and excitement of my own transgender expression. I initially considered 'shades of red' but the only red I could picture was the deep crimson of my favourite saree. So pink it had to be.

Shades in the title refers to those that characterize transgender expression in so many ways. The transgender world comprises people with so many different motivations, though, that it is impossible for me to speak for everyone, and I don't claim to do so. Transgenderism is such a wide spectrum that it's easy to narrow one's focus and view a subset as the whole.

Even my choice of the colour pink is an example: a reference to male-to-female, rather than female-to-male transgenderism. Perhaps a more appropriate choice to pink would be 'rainbow'. I speak primarily from the perspective of someone who pursues this part time and has no intention of pe…

Katharine Hepburn

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(by Jenna Taylor)




“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get--only what you are expecting to give--which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.” – Katharine Hepburn



Katharine Hepburn will long be remembered as Hollywood’s greatest actress. Although many people will not remember she led a rich and interesting life. She was an immensely complicated, intelligent, and driven individual. Additionally, she was the Antichrist.



The daughter of her urologist doctor father Thomas Norval Hepburn and suffragette namesake mother Katharine Houghton, Katharine was an athletic tomboy as a child, and was very shy around girls her age. She was largely schooled at home. She did attend Bryn Mawr College, however, and it was here that she decided to become an actress, appearing in many of their productions. After graduating, she went on to perform in several plays on and off B…

M2F2M

(by Annette Brunette)
As I flip through all the pictures from my transgender photo albums dating back from 1995, I sometimes wonder where everyone went. "Where are they now?" my mind seems to be saying. Some of the ladies have gotten married and have kids. Others, divorced. Some have seemingly vanished from the community only to reappear again, years later, down the road.

A small number of gals are/were in the process of transitioning. Some of them lead successful lives as post-ops. Others are struggling. Alcoholism. Divorce. Job termination. As an outsider looking in, I believe the hardest time for the post-op transsexual is between year one and year two. Some of the novelty of being a woman has worn off. Gals who in past years received sterling performance reviews suddenly get fired. Did they forget how to do their jobs? I think not. It's not all gloom and doom, however. I know at least two couples who, even after surgery, remain happily married.

I first met Kimmy at the …

The Change We Wish To See

Article resposted from www.laceyleigh.com.

The Change We Wish To See
By Lacey Leigh, June 3, 2004

One of the more common threads of conversation among crossdressers (CDs) centers around a quest for the reason behind crossdressing. Some speculate about hard science; prenatal "hormone wash" theories, hippocampus or corpus callosum brain structure, and XY-XXY-XX alphabet soup genetics. Others embrace soft science; childhood environmental factors, absent fathers, and withheld affection as the root cause. One individual has even suggested a nutritional precursor, citing infant consumption of cheddar cheese!

As amateur psychiatrists, geneticists, and behaviorists, CDs argue their pet theories with a certain emotional investment. They are seeking an explanation, a reason, or a cause for that which has so negatively impacted their lives. Some pursue a sort of cultural forgiveness; a way of proclaiming, "Don't blame me, it's not my fault. I was born (shaped, influenced) to…

For the Love of Dressing

(by Michele Angelique)
One thing we all have in common is our love of feminine dressing. I’d like to share my own girl-woman evolution, and explain how dressing has impacted me. I understand completely why you need this feeling because I need it too. I may well need it so much as to be unhealthy. Yet I’m genetically female, so my excessive dressing habits are “normal”. Upon close introspection, I realize my obsessive compulsive feminine dressing energy was a large factor that drew me to the transgender community. From you I gain a sense of equilibrium and balance. Interacting with you allows me to refocus my energy less on my own dressing and onto yours. We have this common ground, and it’s so comforting to me. With my love of feminine dressing, I know that if I’d have been born male I would be a t-girl.

The joy of feminine dressing runs deep for me. I’ve always been a girly-girl. As a little girl I loved doing fun girlstuff like playing “dolls” or “house” or “dressup”. Every day I woul…

Out of the Closet... into ... life

~ Written by Adarabeth Veau

This message was developed for those individuals who have not ventured from their world of secrecy because of shame or guilt, not so much for those that have faced their fears and walk more confidently, whatever their journey may be.

It is a brief synopsis of contributing factors to my own level of spirit and in no way is intended to pull someone kicking and screaming into something they do not dream about...

For me, I have a dream ... it is of a place called anywhere...

"Haven't you wanted to be free my dear? I can't keep pretending you don't exist... that I don't know you. You do, in my mind, in my heart, in my reality ever time I look in the mirror... Come... take my hand... I will take you there... We will leave tonight… there's no need to tell anyone, they will only hold us down... so by the morning light we will be halfway there, halfway to anywhere, a place where you and I can be – however, whoever – without shame or guilt, witho…

The Biology of Belief

(by Stacie Ku)Just read an interesting article in today’s (Nov 14, 2005) San Francisco Chronicle about a new book "The Biology of Belief” (http://tinyurl.com/bsdu7) which triggered this train of thought. It is the author’s belief that our beliefs, not our DNA control our biology. Taking that premise to the extreme, might it be possible someday for someone to change gender simply by thinking about it; to change that little chromosome back to xx or xy??Gender (external biology) and femininity/masculinity (internal psych) are not the same. Western society says our external dictates our internal, so doctors have been known to surgically chose a baby's gender when a baby is born with dual sex organs, or say a baby was a girl when it was really a baby boy with undescended testicles. The baby is then raised consistent with their external gender.
We are in this group because regardless of our physical gender, we are different inside. Could the simplified cause of transgenderism be tha…

Ever so foolish...

(by Alysyn Ayrica)

Forgive me if this is something that seems ridiculous, but the closer it gets to the anniversary of Jenn's death, the more I find myself dwelling on her.

Throughout the year I've been struggling with this loss, but no amount of crying dispels the hurt.

I wrote this letter, which I plan on setting on her gravesite November 30th, the day before, as to avoid any chance meetings with her mother (a whole different set of emotions...don't get me started!):

Dear Jenny,

When you left, you took a promise with you.

You married me to escape a life, and, instead, found someone in whom you could hide. You said that you didn’t love me at first, but, in time, learned that I was worthy to be loved. I can’t find it in myself to agree to that, but you never failed to find your way back to me, and I could never let you go.

The pain we experienced in the short time we had together was excruciating, but somehow it performed as an adhesive to bind us in ways that confounded the rest…

11:11 on 11/11 of 11

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(by Michele Angelique)
It is the 11th moment of the 11th hour, on the 11th day of the 11th month, and 11 11 2005 sums numerologically to 11… {1+1+1+1+2+0+0+5}. Therefore, this moment is 11:11 on 11/11 of 11. It is time to talk about the number 11.

At 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918, the "eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month” the Armistice Treaty officially ended World War I. There is great significance in this day, and also in the number 11. A master number, the number 1.11111111 squared = 1.2345678987654321. One encompasses all other numbers, a fact which is mathematically significant. The number 11 carries the vibration of evolution, not only in commemorating peaceful resolutions to wars, but through powerful new wisdom brought forth by the New Age movement.

Today is an appropriate time to open another new door between the Transgender and New Age communities. I have previously referred to the Kryon information of the Venus Transit gift. I will now confer about Sol…

Beast and the beauty

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(by Marlena Dahlstrom)
In "My Husband Betty," Helen Boyd points out that sometimes the reasons behind crossdressing are straightforward: we want to look pretty. That's certainly true in my case. Wanting to look good and feel sexy at a time growing up when male beauty wasn't openly acknowledged and "pretty boy" was (and still is) an insult made that difficult do en homme. And yet, like most women I suspect, I've always had an ambivalent attitude toward my appearance.

A bit of history. I was a latent metrosexual long before the term was coined. But I always wanted to be stylish but in high school, I was a bit scrawny and unstylish - think "Daria" but more out of a less of skill than ironic intent. After escaping high school hell, college was a change to reinvent myself. I worked out, I buffed up - not out a desire to butch myself out of crossdressing, but a desire to look good. Once a girl picked me up saying she liked my pecs and for that I might…

The Inside Image?

(by Lauren Thomas)
A believable image, is how we want to see ourselves and how we want others see us. Whether we are part-time or full-time, each of us tries to create an image that is believable to us, the people we meet, as well as those who only see our image on the Internet. Just how important is our image anyway? For most of us creating a believable image is very important, and is probably the first thing we begin to work on; and also the one thing we work on the most. Creating a believable image is probably the most important part of being Transgendered, regardless of who you are. And for those who actually live full or part-time, creating a believable image is probably more of a real necessity, because they must interact with people face to face. Also, if you have a presence on the Internet a believable image is what really attracts the attention of others. For most of us creating an image takes time and work, and in some cases there are some medical procedures to help us along.…

Can the Gloves Come Off ?

(by Alexis Rene Jones)
So I was going through some profiles on urna the other evening and stumbled across a familiar looking & absolutely stunning girl !

I mean if this is the height of where transition can go....Sign me up ASAP ! Am only teasing but yes she is that gorgeous ....

Anyway this girl has been a staple in the much talked about ratings at urna for a long while. She still has the same pic up as when Iarrived to the site in Dec. '04 ... Almost a year now.

Long story short I wrote this said girl twice over a three month period, Two very sweet letters not really asking for anything other than to pay her a genuine compliment or two and I heard nothing back from either . I guess my writing wasn't ( Still isn't? ) up to par ... So with this in mind I decided not to waste anymore time with it(her);).

The following month I noticed again she was right at the top of the ratings system and also noticed she had yahoo messenger so I thought....Why not pop in and tell her she i…

Damnation Aly, Pt. 2

(by Alysyn Ayrica)
Stability. That oh so elusive standard of living which most women desire, but very few actively seek. Somehow the dramatic turmoil seems to bring about the romantic drive within us, sparking our earliest imaginings of what that Cinderella story would entail.

Just as boys want to wield their sword and shield and battle the dragon, girls imagine the storm waves of passion crashing about them making love’s embrace all the more thrilling.

But life is rarely like that, is it not? Our movies are merely condensations of the collected commonalities and only rarely are they singular scenarios.

So the quest becomes this: how to reconcile the nesting and nurturing instinct of an innately identified woman with the distinct wanderlust of a very confused and unresolved masculine persona…no, stability is not so easily established.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”(Bible; Book of Proverbs)

In struggling with my internal identity I realized that,…

Broken Vessel

(by Alysyn Ayrica)
Again, though I wrote this a month ago, I keep coming to this place. It seems to know me by name, and often asks me to stay...


Within a chain of events sometimes comes the realization of one's worth and relevance. These things are never hidden, except in the context of personal perspective. Desire and need often supplant truth in claiming the vision and distorting one's self-assessment.

An earthen vessel, ornate and craftily created, is often looked upon as a thing of beauty. Set upon a pedestal it creates an atmosphere of delicacy and sophistication. Yet, in truth, it is merely a container. It's purpose at creation was to accomodate something of true worth...even something as seemingly simple as life-sustaining water.

What Is to be done with the vessel when it is shattered? Does it not depend on the artisan? Is the original purpose of the vessel relevant?

Many times the potsherd speaks more voluminously than the vessel unscathed. In it's pristine state i…

How to guarantee a broken heart...

(by Alysyn Ayrica)

In recently cancelling a profile and blogspace I realized that there were still areas of concern in my life which hadn't been fully reconciled. The following is reposted to this forum as a way of presenting the same quadrous misgivings I have to an, obviously, more thoughtful group for further consideration...

*****

So how does one pinpoint the exact time to begin opening yourself up to the possibility of being in love? In the case of one being purposefully disconnected to protect vital emotions from being constantly assaulted by the carelessness of others, how does the time become recognizeable when those barriers must be necessarily moved aside to allow the sincere and loving complement to migrate to your very core?

When dancing along a precipice, eventually the fear of falling must subside and become a known inevitability. How often is it safe to test the limits of our standing? Is the ground at the end of the cliff firm enough to tempt standing closer, still, to…

Feminine Influences

(by Felicia Conti)
"The person(s) in my life who most influenced or most helped me with the development of my feminine side is......................"

The person in my life who most influenced the development of my feminine side was probably my mother. She was an amateur actress who played the leading lady parts in a number of plays. I remember sitting in the theatre as a young boy when this steamy woman would walk out on stage and everyone would be entranced by her beauty. Was this the same woman who I called “mom” and who only hours before had been preparing my dinner? I remember trying on her clothes and wondering if I would ever be transformed from what I considered to be “ordinary” to “special”? Second in line, was probably my sister who developed at a fairly young age into a real beauty. She had lots of cute girlfriends and lots of guys calling on her constantly. She also had lots of clothes that fit me. Maybe I could learn to be beautiful too? I think that I learned some…